1 00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:06,131 ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:01:13,573 --> 00:01:16,534 Aah! 3 00:01:30,548 --> 00:01:32,759 You know, Bart, when I was your age, 4 00:01:32,842 --> 00:01:34,761 I pulled a few boners. 5 00:01:34,844 --> 00:01:36,930 But I think you'll find that people are pretty decent 6 00:01:37,013 --> 00:01:39,933 - if you give them half... - Look! There it is... 7 00:01:40,016 --> 00:01:42,268 - The head! - Kill him! 8 00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:55,406 This way! 9 00:02:01,329 --> 00:02:02,997 They got us cornered, boy. 10 00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:04,475 We'll never get away. Give me the head. 11 00:02:04,499 --> 00:02:06,876 No, Dad. This whole thing was my fault. 12 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,462 - You run along. - Son, we're in this mess together. 13 00:02:09,546 --> 00:02:11,923 No matter how tempting it might be, 14 00:02:12,006 --> 00:02:13,883 I can't let my only boy 15 00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:15,236 get ripped limb from limb by a bloodthirsty mob. 16 00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:16,928 - Aw, Dad. - We'll die together, 17 00:02:17,011 --> 00:02:18,388 like a father and son should. 18 00:02:18,471 --> 00:02:20,390 Look. Now we've got 'em. 19 00:02:20,473 --> 00:02:23,768 - Hey, that's Homer Simpson. - And his kid, Bart. 20 00:02:23,852 --> 00:02:25,212 - Let's kill them! - String 'em up! 21 00:02:25,270 --> 00:02:27,939 - Off the kid, man. Off him! - Kill Bart! 22 00:02:28,022 --> 00:02:30,150 - Kill Homer! - Let's kill this guy! 23 00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:31,943 Murderous mob, 24 00:02:32,026 --> 00:02:34,320 I beg you to spare our lives. 25 00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:36,823 At least until you've heard the story of how we ended up 26 00:02:36,948 --> 00:02:39,325 with the head of our beloved town founder. 27 00:02:39,409 --> 00:02:41,828 How long will this story take? 28 00:02:41,911 --> 00:02:45,206 About 23 minutes and 5 seconds. 29 00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:47,500 - It's too long! - 23:05? 30 00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:49,836 Well, all right. Go ahead. 31 00:02:49,919 --> 00:02:53,339 Okay. It all started Sunday morning. 32 00:02:53,423 --> 00:02:56,509 Kids! We're late for church. 33 00:02:56,593 --> 00:02:58,761 Get your butts down here right now! 34 00:03:03,224 --> 00:03:04,642 Ready for inspection, Mom. 35 00:03:04,726 --> 00:03:07,604 Very nice, Maggie. 36 00:03:07,687 --> 00:03:10,481 And, Lisa, you look lovely. 37 00:03:10,565 --> 00:03:12,483 Bart, assume the position. 38 00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:19,490 Bart. 39 00:03:19,574 --> 00:03:21,159 Now where's your father? 40 00:03:21,242 --> 00:03:23,203 - Phillips has broken free. - Get 'em. Get 'em! 41 00:03:23,286 --> 00:03:25,181 - The 50, the 40, the 30, the 20, the 10... - No! 42 00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:27,290 - Homer! - D' 43 00:03:27,373 --> 00:03:29,417 A 64-yard run! We've got an upset in the making! 44 00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:33,087 No, we don't. Try being objective for once in...? 45 00:03:33,171 --> 00:03:35,590 - Let's go, Homer. - But you don't understand, Marge. 46 00:03:35,673 --> 00:03:37,926 I have 50 bucks riding on this game. 47 00:03:38,009 --> 00:03:40,094 Homer, you promised me. 48 00:03:40,178 --> 00:03:42,430 This isn't gambling, Marge. 49 00:03:42,513 --> 00:03:45,266 - It's a lead-pipe cinch. - Here's the kickoff. 50 00:03:45,350 --> 00:03:47,268 Wolodarsky takes it at the five. 51 00:03:47,352 --> 00:03:48,561 And my. He fumbles! 52 00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:52,190 - No! - Another touchdown! 53 00:03:52,273 --> 00:03:55,693 Come on. 54 00:03:55,777 --> 00:03:58,071 Why should I feel like a traffic cop 55 00:03:58,154 --> 00:03:59,405 every Sunday morning? 56 00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:00,674 I'm just trying to get a little goodness 57 00:04:00,698 --> 00:04:02,575 into the family. 58 00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:05,912 Where is the game? Where is it? 59 00:04:05,995 --> 00:04:09,249 Got Wolodarsky open in the end zone. 60 00:04:09,332 --> 00:04:11,918 - Catch it. Catch it. - It's complete. Touchdown! 61 00:04:12,001 --> 00:04:13,920 All right! 62 00:04:16,339 --> 00:04:18,132 Doctor, we got a barn burner here. 63 00:04:18,216 --> 00:04:19,652 This could be the most remarkable comeback 64 00:04:19,676 --> 00:04:21,928 since Lazarus rose from the dead. 65 00:04:22,011 --> 00:04:23,972 Laza who? 66 00:04:25,181 --> 00:04:27,100 Come on, everybody. We're late. 67 00:04:27,183 --> 00:04:28,810 Bart, I want you to promise me 68 00:04:28,893 --> 00:04:31,062 you'll pay attention in Sunday school. 69 00:04:31,145 --> 00:04:33,189 Bart. Bart? 70 00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:35,984 - Bart! - Whoa! Are you talking to me? 71 00:04:36,067 --> 00:04:40,613 What's this? A personal stereo. 72 00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:43,741 Were you going to listen to rock music in Sunday school? 73 00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:44,993 Maybe. 74 00:04:45,076 --> 00:04:47,912 Can you believe this, Homer? Homer? 75 00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:49,872 - Homer! - No, no, no! 76 00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:51,541 We stink. We stink. 77 00:04:51,624 --> 00:04:53,751 The 40, the 30, the 20, the 10, touchdown! 78 00:04:53,835 --> 00:04:56,129 Homer, were you planning on sitting in the car 79 00:04:56,212 --> 00:04:57,672 - till the game was over? - Maybe. 80 00:04:57,755 --> 00:04:59,799 It's because of your irreverent attitude 81 00:04:59,882 --> 00:05:02,844 that Bart thinks he can sneak headphones into Sunday school. 82 00:05:02,927 --> 00:05:05,179 - Now move it! - Now here's the kickoff. 83 00:05:05,263 --> 00:05:06,639 Wolodarsky takes it at the five. 84 00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:08,641 And, my. He fumbles! 85 00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:10,643 Will my dog Pepper be there? 86 00:05:10,727 --> 00:05:13,479 I'm sorry, but the answer is no. 87 00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:15,481 - Why not? - Because heaven is for people. 88 00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:17,442 What about my cat Snowball? 89 00:05:17,525 --> 00:05:19,652 I'm sorry, but the answer is no. 90 00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:22,280 - Will there be cavemen in heaven? - Certainly not. 91 00:05:22,363 --> 00:05:24,741 Um, ma'am, what if you're a really good person, 92 00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:26,743 but you're in a really, really bad fight, 93 00:05:26,826 --> 00:05:29,037 and your leg gets gangrene, and it has to be amputated, 94 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:31,039 will it be waiting for you in heaven? 95 00:05:31,122 --> 00:05:33,750 For the last time, Bart, yes! 96 00:05:33,833 --> 00:05:34,834 ♪♪ 97 00:05:34,917 --> 00:05:36,878 And now, I'd like to begin today's sermon, 98 00:05:36,961 --> 00:05:38,796 which I have entitled, 99 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:42,342 "Gambling, the Eighth Deadly Sin." 100 00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:44,927 Today is Sunday, the Lord's day, 101 00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:46,929 and yet, at this very moment, 102 00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:49,349 millions of Americans are not in the Lord's house. 103 00:05:49,432 --> 00:05:52,685 They're in their own house worshipping a false idol... 104 00:05:52,769 --> 00:05:55,521 Professional football. Lord... 105 00:05:55,605 --> 00:05:57,315 It's a beautiful Sunday. 106 00:05:57,398 --> 00:05:59,525 Perfect football weather for this incredible game. 107 00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:01,529 And by the way, this game is being brought to you 108 00:06:01,611 --> 00:06:03,529 by the good people at Duff beer. 109 00:06:03,613 --> 00:06:06,074 You can't get enough of that wonderful Duff. 110 00:06:06,157 --> 00:06:08,534 Now they're lining up for this crucial kick. 111 00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:10,745 One final tick of the clock remains. 112 00:06:10,828 --> 00:06:13,498 If they win, it will cap an amazing comeback. 113 00:06:13,581 --> 00:06:16,918 But it's a 49-yard field goal into the wind. 114 00:06:17,001 --> 00:06:18,920 Make it! Make it! Make it! Make it! 115 00:06:19,003 --> 00:06:21,631 - The kick is up. - Please, please, please, please! 116 00:06:21,714 --> 00:06:23,216 Holy Toledo, it's good! 117 00:06:23,299 --> 00:06:26,386 It's good! It's good! It's good! 118 00:06:28,137 --> 00:06:31,724 It's... good to see you all in church. 119 00:06:31,808 --> 00:06:36,479 - Please, be seated, Homer. - Yeah, sit down, Homer. 120 00:06:36,562 --> 00:06:39,190 The ventriloquist goes to heaven, 121 00:06:39,273 --> 00:06:40,775 but the dummy doesn't. 122 00:06:40,858 --> 00:06:43,069 - Me! - Bart? 123 00:06:43,152 --> 00:06:45,405 What about a robot with a human brain? 124 00:06:45,488 --> 00:06:47,573 I don't know! All these questions! 125 00:06:47,657 --> 00:06:50,576 Is a little blind faith too much to ask? 126 00:06:50,660 --> 00:06:52,578 Yay! 127 00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:55,790 Don't forget next week. Remember to read... 128 00:06:55,873 --> 00:06:58,000 That was very nice, Father. 129 00:06:58,084 --> 00:07:01,003 I was pleased you enjoyed it. 130 00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:04,632 I seemed to have struck a chord with you today, Homer. 131 00:07:04,715 --> 00:07:06,759 What? Yeah, you were great. 132 00:07:06,843 --> 00:07:08,761 Homer. 133 00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:10,179 Homer, you embarrassed us 134 00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:12,432 in front of the whole congregation. 135 00:07:12,515 --> 00:07:15,309 And today's sermon was one you should have really listened to. 136 00:07:15,393 --> 00:07:16,936 - What was it about? - Gambling. 137 00:07:17,019 --> 00:07:20,356 He didn't say that under certain circumstances 138 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:21,858 it was all right, did he? 139 00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:24,152 No! Look, I don't want to talk about this anymore 140 00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:25,278 in front of the kids. 141 00:07:25,361 --> 00:07:27,238 Lisa, Bart, 142 00:07:27,321 --> 00:07:29,449 what did you two learn in Sunday school today? 143 00:07:29,532 --> 00:07:31,617 The answers to deep theological questions. 144 00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:35,079 Yeah. Among other things, apes can't get into heaven. 145 00:07:35,163 --> 00:07:37,248 What? Those cute little monkeys? 146 00:07:37,331 --> 00:07:38,541 That's terrible. 147 00:07:38,624 --> 00:07:40,668 - Who told you that? - Our teacher. 148 00:07:40,751 --> 00:07:42,104 I can understand how they wouldn't let in 149 00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:43,963 those wild jungle apes, 150 00:07:44,046 --> 00:07:46,632 but what about those really smart ones who live among us, 151 00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:49,343 who roller-skate and smoke cigars? 152 00:07:49,427 --> 00:07:52,930 Cool, man. "Space Mutants 4." 153 00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:54,474 Drop me off! Drop me off! 154 00:07:54,557 --> 00:07:57,059 - No way, Jose. - Marge, they're only space mutants. 155 00:07:57,143 --> 00:07:59,437 I know what those movies are like. 156 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:02,273 Killing innocent people, eating human flesh. 157 00:08:02,356 --> 00:08:04,358 You'll just get a lot of bad ideas. 158 00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:08,279 Hey, Dad. Can I have five bucks? 159 00:08:08,362 --> 00:08:11,073 I hope you're not planning to see a certain movie 160 00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:13,159 starring certain space mutants 161 00:08:13,242 --> 00:08:16,496 that a certain mother didn't want you to see. 162 00:08:16,579 --> 00:08:18,831 Perish the thought. 163 00:08:18,915 --> 00:08:20,249 Here you go, son. 164 00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:22,210 Share the wealth. That's what I always say. 165 00:08:25,296 --> 00:08:27,256 Ooh! 166 00:08:32,803 --> 00:08:34,514 ♪ Da da da da da... ♪♪ 167 00:08:34,597 --> 00:08:37,225 Whoa! Whoa! 168 00:08:37,308 --> 00:08:39,101 Ooh, cowabunga! 169 00:08:40,978 --> 00:08:44,357 - Hey, hot dog! - What? 170 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:46,817 Nice dismount, man. 171 00:08:46,901 --> 00:08:48,528 Didn't hurt. 172 00:08:48,611 --> 00:08:50,530 Yeah? Well, do it again. 173 00:08:50,613 --> 00:08:53,074 Nah. Might land on my face and end up looking like you. 174 00:08:53,157 --> 00:08:55,076 You little punk! 175 00:08:55,159 --> 00:08:58,037 Hey, man, leave the kid alone. I like him. 176 00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:00,706 - You do? - Yeah, you're witty. 177 00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:03,042 - So what's your name, man? - I'm Bart Simpson. 178 00:09:03,125 --> 00:09:04,961 This here's Kearny, and I'm Jimbo. 179 00:09:05,044 --> 00:09:07,797 You don't need an introduction. You're the worst kid in school. 180 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:11,342 - Thanks. - Psst. Coast is clear. 181 00:09:11,425 --> 00:09:13,844 You guys are sneakin' in? 182 00:09:13,928 --> 00:09:16,097 Yeah. Only saps pay to see movies. 183 00:09:16,180 --> 00:09:17,807 Hey, Bart, come on! 184 00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:21,686 But sneaking into a movie is practically stealing, man. 185 00:09:21,769 --> 00:09:24,438 - "Practically"? - It is stealing. 186 00:09:24,522 --> 00:09:25,565 Well, okay. 187 00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:28,025 I just wanted to make sure we weren't deluding ourselves. 188 00:09:38,202 --> 00:09:41,163 Wait! I think I hear something. 189 00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:43,749 Come on. Loosen up, babe. 190 00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:46,419 There's nobody here but you and me. 191 00:09:46,502 --> 00:09:49,922 No. Stop it! 192 00:09:50,006 --> 00:09:53,384 I think I hear something... not human. 193 00:09:57,096 --> 00:10:00,766 Let's get romantic. 194 00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:02,810 Well, okay. 195 00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:08,232 You little sneaks, you're coming with me. 196 00:10:08,316 --> 00:10:10,610 Next time you little hoodlums try this, 197 00:10:10,693 --> 00:10:12,820 - I'm calling your parents! - Yeah? 198 00:10:12,903 --> 00:10:14,590 Well, we don't wanna see your crummy movie anyway. 199 00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:16,907 Yeah. We'll take our business elsewhere. 200 00:10:16,991 --> 00:10:18,284 You know, Bart. 201 00:10:18,367 --> 00:10:22,079 I've been kicked out of all four "Space Mutant" movies. 202 00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:24,332 Wow, man. 203 00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:31,088 Three jumbo cherry squisheys, 204 00:10:31,172 --> 00:10:32,965 and one double jumbo original flavor, sir. 205 00:10:33,049 --> 00:10:34,216 Okay. 206 00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:35,635 Don't you kids take anything. 207 00:10:35,718 --> 00:10:37,595 I'm watching you. 208 00:10:37,678 --> 00:10:41,098 I've got eyes in the back of my head. 209 00:10:41,182 --> 00:10:43,809 - Four fifty-two. - Don't worry, guys. It's on me. 210 00:10:43,893 --> 00:10:45,936 Share the wealth. That's what I always say. 211 00:10:46,020 --> 00:10:49,106 Guys? 212 00:10:49,190 --> 00:10:50,733 Guys? 213 00:10:50,816 --> 00:10:53,736 Hey, guys. Where'd you get all that great stuff? 214 00:10:53,819 --> 00:10:55,738 Five-finger discount, man. 215 00:10:55,863 --> 00:10:57,323 You ripped it off? 216 00:10:57,406 --> 00:11:00,076 Yeah. Thanks for covering for us, man. 217 00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:12,046 Go on, Bart. 218 00:11:12,129 --> 00:11:14,090 But that guy founded Springfield. 219 00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:17,301 He built our first hospital out of logs and mud. 220 00:11:17,385 --> 00:11:19,845 If it weren't for him, all the settlers would have died 221 00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:22,306 in the great blizzard of '48. 222 00:11:22,390 --> 00:11:24,350 So? 223 00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:28,646 So... 224 00:11:28,729 --> 00:11:31,649 watch me hit him right between the eyes. 225 00:11:33,317 --> 00:11:34,652 Hey, what are you doing there? 226 00:11:34,735 --> 00:11:36,904 Show a little respect, you insolent little thugs. 227 00:11:36,987 --> 00:11:39,490 - Ooh. - We're really scared. 228 00:11:39,573 --> 00:11:43,703 Hey! Hey, you! Hey! Hey, you! 229 00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:50,251 You know, when you look up at clouds in the sky, 230 00:11:50,334 --> 00:11:52,837 they start looking like stuff. 231 00:11:52,920 --> 00:11:55,548 - No, they don't. - Yeah, they do. 232 00:11:55,631 --> 00:11:58,801 Like that one over there looks just like a cherry bomb. 233 00:11:58,884 --> 00:12:02,471 Hey, you're right. And look at that one. 234 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,557 It looks like a guy with a switchblade 235 00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:05,933 stuck in his back. 236 00:12:06,016 --> 00:12:08,018 Yeah, that one looks like a school bus 237 00:12:08,102 --> 00:12:09,687 going over a cliff in flames 238 00:12:09,770 --> 00:12:11,272 with kids inside screaming. 239 00:12:11,355 --> 00:12:14,859 That one looks just like the statue of our town founder, 240 00:12:14,942 --> 00:12:16,694 Jebediah Springfield. 241 00:12:16,777 --> 00:12:18,946 - Does not. - Does too. 242 00:12:19,029 --> 00:12:20,531 I mean, without the head, of course. 243 00:12:20,614 --> 00:12:22,241 Yeah. 244 00:12:22,324 --> 00:12:25,369 I wish someone really would cut his ugly old head off. 245 00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:27,371 - You do? - Yeah, that'd be cool. 246 00:12:27,455 --> 00:12:29,498 Sure would cheese everybody off. 247 00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:32,877 But, guys, come on. Don't you remember history class? 248 00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:35,796 Jebediah once killed a bear with his bare hands. 249 00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:37,423 Sorry. 250 00:12:37,506 --> 00:12:40,760 We forgot how much you love Jebediah Springfield. 251 00:12:40,843 --> 00:12:43,429 - Yeah, he's your boyfriend. - Yeah! 252 00:12:43,512 --> 00:12:46,682 - Come on, guys. Knock it off. - Beat it, Simpson. 253 00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:49,769 Man, I thought you were cool. 254 00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:00,738 Beat it, Simpson. 255 00:13:00,821 --> 00:13:02,740 Man, I thought you were cool. 256 00:13:06,285 --> 00:13:07,995 Aha! 257 00:13:11,457 --> 00:13:14,668 Wow! Look at these bowling balls, Maggie. 258 00:13:14,752 --> 00:13:16,670 Can you think of a better way for Daddy to spend 259 00:13:16,754 --> 00:13:18,798 his hard-won 50 bucks? 260 00:13:20,174 --> 00:13:22,927 Now I've seen everything. 261 00:13:23,010 --> 00:13:25,846 Black, marbleized with a liquid center. 262 00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:27,765 "The Stealth Bowler: 263 00:13:27,848 --> 00:13:29,767 The pins don't know what hit them." 264 00:13:29,850 --> 00:13:31,769 Dad, can I talk to you about something? 265 00:13:31,852 --> 00:13:33,854 Sure, boy. What's on your mind? 266 00:13:33,938 --> 00:13:35,815 Well, I was wondering. 267 00:13:35,898 --> 00:13:38,567 How important is it to be popular? 268 00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:40,319 I'm glad you asked, son. 269 00:13:40,402 --> 00:13:43,405 Being popular is the most important thing in the world. 270 00:13:43,489 --> 00:13:45,115 So, like, sometimes you could do stuff 271 00:13:45,199 --> 00:13:46,700 that you think is pretty bad 272 00:13:46,784 --> 00:13:48,786 so other kids will like you better? 273 00:13:48,869 --> 00:13:50,764 You're not talking about killing anyone, are you? 274 00:13:50,788 --> 00:13:51,664 No. 275 00:13:51,747 --> 00:13:53,082 - Are you? - No! 276 00:13:53,165 --> 00:13:54,667 Then run along, you little scamp. 277 00:13:54,750 --> 00:13:56,043 A boy without mischief 278 00:13:56,126 --> 00:13:58,045 is like a bowling ball without a liquid center. 279 00:14:59,106 --> 00:15:01,275 What have I done? 280 00:15:12,453 --> 00:15:14,371 Bart, are you all right? 281 00:15:14,455 --> 00:15:16,749 Yeah. Top of the world, Ma. 282 00:15:16,874 --> 00:15:18,834 Well, then, come down for breakfast. 283 00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:21,462 ♪♪ -Ooh! Look at this one. 284 00:15:21,545 --> 00:15:25,382 "The Hammer of Thor: It will send your pins to... 285 00:15:25,549 --> 00:15:28,177 Val-halla." Lisa? 286 00:15:28,260 --> 00:15:30,471 Valhalla is where Vikings go when they die. 287 00:15:30,554 --> 00:15:32,139 That's some ball. 288 00:15:32,222 --> 00:15:34,266 Good morning, everybody. 289 00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:38,187 We interrupt "Mambo in the Morning" 290 00:15:38,270 --> 00:15:40,481 to bring you this special news bulletin. 291 00:15:40,564 --> 00:15:41,917 The statue of Jebediah Springfield, 292 00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:43,943 our illustrious town founder, 293 00:15:44,026 --> 00:15:46,612 was brutally decapitated last night... 294 00:15:46,695 --> 00:15:49,114 in an act of senseless vandalism. 295 00:15:49,198 --> 00:15:51,325 We now go to Police Chief Wiggum at City Hall. 296 00:15:53,744 --> 00:15:58,666 Well, we have no witnesses, no suspects, and no leads. 297 00:15:58,749 --> 00:16:00,834 If anyone has any information, 298 00:16:00,918 --> 00:16:04,129 please dial "O" and ask for the police. 299 00:16:04,213 --> 00:16:07,091 That number again, "O." 300 00:16:07,174 --> 00:16:09,051 Stay tuned to this station 301 00:16:09,134 --> 00:16:12,179 for further developments as they break. 302 00:16:12,262 --> 00:16:14,890 - It's just a statue. - It's a statue of 303 00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,850 the trailblazing founder of our town. 304 00:16:16,934 --> 00:16:18,727 It's a symbol of what we can all do 305 00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:19,853 if we put our minds to it. 306 00:16:19,937 --> 00:16:21,689 Just a statue? 307 00:16:21,772 --> 00:16:24,233 Is the Statue of Liberty just a statue? 308 00:16:24,316 --> 00:16:26,652 Is the Leaning Tower of Pizza just a statue? 309 00:16:26,735 --> 00:16:29,154 School bus. 310 00:16:29,238 --> 00:16:31,448 Come on, Lis. School bus. 311 00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:33,075 Go on, Lisa. 312 00:16:33,158 --> 00:16:35,035 We've all got to be brave, just like Jebediah 313 00:16:35,119 --> 00:16:37,579 - when he killed that bear. - It's so awful. 314 00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:39,707 Okay, come on, come on, everybody. 315 00:16:39,790 --> 00:16:42,251 We gotta get on with our lives. 316 00:16:42,334 --> 00:16:44,545 Let's try and put this tragedy behind us. 317 00:16:44,628 --> 00:16:46,547 You're right, Moe. 318 00:16:46,630 --> 00:16:48,716 A beer, please, and make sure there's a head on it. 319 00:16:50,801 --> 00:16:54,680 I said it before, and I'll say it again, 320 00:16:54,763 --> 00:16:57,391 "Hell in a handbasket!" 321 00:16:57,474 --> 00:16:59,893 I hope they find the punk who did this, 322 00:16:59,977 --> 00:17:02,771 and I hope they cut his head off. 323 00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:04,356 Yeah! 324 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:06,442 Hi, guys. What's up? 325 00:17:06,525 --> 00:17:08,085 We were saying we'd love to meet the guy 326 00:17:08,152 --> 00:17:09,570 who cut off the head of that statue. 327 00:17:09,653 --> 00:17:11,947 Yeah, we wish he were here right now. 328 00:17:13,073 --> 00:17:14,783 Really? 329 00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:17,870 Yeah, we'd break every bone in his stupid little body. 330 00:17:17,953 --> 00:17:19,580 Yeah, that's right, man. 331 00:17:19,663 --> 00:17:21,415 - Limb by limb. - Yeah! 332 00:17:21,498 --> 00:17:24,293 What? But-But yesterday, 333 00:17:24,376 --> 00:17:25,711 didn't you say it would be cool 334 00:17:25,794 --> 00:17:27,463 to cut off the head, 335 00:17:27,546 --> 00:17:29,381 and really cheese everybody off? 336 00:17:29,465 --> 00:17:31,425 Yeah, that was just cloud talk, man. 337 00:17:31,508 --> 00:17:33,677 Yeah. I mean, throwing rocks is one thing, 338 00:17:33,761 --> 00:17:35,679 but I would never cut the head off of a guy 339 00:17:35,763 --> 00:17:38,223 who iced a bear with his bare hands. 340 00:17:38,307 --> 00:17:40,559 - So what's in the bag, Bart? - My head. 341 00:17:40,642 --> 00:17:44,521 I said, what's in the bag, Bart? 342 00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:47,649 Go ahead, Bart. Tell them. 343 00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:51,612 It's the head of Jebediah Springfield. 344 00:17:51,695 --> 00:17:53,238 I gotta go! 345 00:17:53,322 --> 00:17:55,407 Look what you've done. 346 00:17:55,491 --> 00:17:58,118 You wanted to be popular. 347 00:17:58,202 --> 00:18:01,538 Now you're the most hated boy in town. 348 00:18:01,622 --> 00:18:03,540 You're not really talking to me. 349 00:18:03,624 --> 00:18:05,250 You're just my overactive imagination. 350 00:18:05,334 --> 00:18:08,170 - I am, am I? - Shut up. 351 00:18:08,253 --> 00:18:10,506 I wanted them to like me. 352 00:18:10,589 --> 00:18:12,716 The child seems rattled. 353 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:15,886 - Can you blame him? - No. No, I can't. 354 00:18:17,971 --> 00:18:20,557 There, there, Mr. Burns. Blow, sir. 355 00:18:24,728 --> 00:18:26,730 Hey, Bart, where are you going? 356 00:18:26,814 --> 00:18:29,691 - To my room. - Why don't you watch "Krusty the Clown?" 357 00:18:29,775 --> 00:18:32,277 There's someone out there in Krustyland 358 00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:34,655 who has committed an atrocity. 359 00:18:34,738 --> 00:18:37,407 If you know who cut off Jebediah's head... 360 00:18:37,491 --> 00:18:39,302 I don't care if it's your brother, your sister, 361 00:18:39,326 --> 00:18:41,203 your daddy or your mommy... 362 00:18:41,286 --> 00:18:43,539 Turn them in, and Krusty will send you 363 00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:46,375 a free slide whistle just like Sideshow Bob's. 364 00:18:46,458 --> 00:18:47,543 ♪♪ 365 00:18:51,463 --> 00:18:53,382 Wait a minute. 366 00:18:53,465 --> 00:18:56,510 I hope you're not planning to do what I think you're doing. 367 00:18:56,593 --> 00:18:58,762 Sorry, man. It's either you or me. 368 00:18:58,846 --> 00:19:00,347 You know, Bart, 369 00:19:00,430 --> 00:19:03,183 you don't have to found a town to be a hero. 370 00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:05,394 Sometimes a hero could be a young boy 371 00:19:05,477 --> 00:19:09,690 with the courage to stand up and admit he's made a mistake. 372 00:19:09,773 --> 00:19:12,317 Yeah, well, I'm running a little short on courage right now. 373 00:19:12,401 --> 00:19:14,319 Aah! 374 00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:17,114 Anyway, think about it, will you, son? 375 00:19:21,285 --> 00:19:24,746 Jebediah Obediah Zachariah Jedediah Springfield 376 00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:26,748 came West in 1838. 377 00:19:26,832 --> 00:19:28,750 Along the way, he met a ferocious bear 378 00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:30,752 and killed it with his bare hands. 379 00:19:30,836 --> 00:19:33,630 That's "B-A-R-E" hands. 380 00:19:33,714 --> 00:19:36,258 Although modern historians recently uncovered evidence 381 00:19:36,341 --> 00:19:38,760 that the bear, in fact, probably killed him. 382 00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:40,846 - But whether bear killed man... - Mom. Dad. 383 00:19:42,472 --> 00:19:45,934 - I knew it all along! - Why, Bart? Why? 384 00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:47,853 Yeah, why? You little... 385 00:19:47,936 --> 00:19:51,398 Because I wanted some really bad kids to like me. 386 00:19:51,481 --> 00:19:53,942 Somehow I got the idea that being popular 387 00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:55,944 was the most important thing in the world. 388 00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:58,447 Where did you get a ridiculous idea like that? 389 00:20:00,115 --> 00:20:02,034 Lay off the boy, Marge. 390 00:20:02,117 --> 00:20:03,410 He's a good kid. 391 00:20:03,493 --> 00:20:05,329 Quit giving him the third degree. 392 00:20:05,412 --> 00:20:08,332 Homer, did you have something to do with this? 393 00:20:08,415 --> 00:20:11,043 Well, maybe I am a little responsible. 394 00:20:11,126 --> 00:20:13,754 - A little? - Come on, son. 395 00:20:13,837 --> 00:20:16,924 Let's take the head thing back to the authorities. 396 00:20:18,967 --> 00:20:21,303 You know, Bart, when I was your age, 397 00:20:21,386 --> 00:20:23,305 I pulled a few boners. 398 00:20:23,388 --> 00:20:25,474 But I think you'll find that people are pretty decent 399 00:20:25,557 --> 00:20:28,435 - if you give them half... - Look! There it is... 400 00:20:28,518 --> 00:20:30,687 - The head! - Kill 'em! 401 00:20:34,274 --> 00:20:36,193 - All right. All right. - All right, already. 402 00:20:36,276 --> 00:20:39,446 - We know this part. - Yeah, right. 403 00:20:39,529 --> 00:20:41,406 Well, that's my story. 404 00:20:41,490 --> 00:20:43,033 And if you still wanna tear apart 405 00:20:43,116 --> 00:20:44,910 this young Sunday school student 406 00:20:44,993 --> 00:20:47,996 as he stands on the brink of salvation, 407 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,916 I await your wrath. But I'd like to add one thing: 408 00:20:50,999 --> 00:20:53,835 it wasn't until I removed the head of Jebediah Springfield 409 00:20:53,961 --> 00:20:57,422 that we realized we were taking our heritage for granted. 410 00:20:57,506 --> 00:20:59,466 That was a crime too. 411 00:20:59,549 --> 00:21:02,886 One I think we are all guilty of. 412 00:21:02,970 --> 00:21:04,530 - Well, the kid's got us there. - Hey, he's right. 413 00:21:04,554 --> 00:21:05,973 Got a point there. 414 00:21:06,056 --> 00:21:08,284 And I know that I'll always feel an inner shame far greater 415 00:21:08,308 --> 00:21:11,603 than any punishment you could dish out. Far, far greater. 416 00:21:11,687 --> 00:21:13,272 Far, far, far, far greater. 417 00:21:13,355 --> 00:21:14,940 Aw! 418 00:21:15,023 --> 00:21:18,193 Somehow I don't feel like killing anymore. 419 00:21:18,277 --> 00:21:19,486 Neither do I. 420 00:21:19,569 --> 00:21:20,696 Dad. 421 00:21:22,781 --> 00:21:25,242 Forgive me, sir. 422 00:21:25,325 --> 00:21:26,368 No problem, Bart. 423 00:21:26,493 --> 00:21:29,079 Look! It's glorious. 424 00:21:29,162 --> 00:21:30,247 It's beautiful, man. 425 00:21:30,330 --> 00:21:31,832 I love you, Smithers. 426 00:21:31,915 --> 00:21:33,395 The feeling is more than mutual, sir. 427 00:21:39,589 --> 00:21:41,008 Whoo! 428 00:21:48,056 --> 00:21:51,268 ♪♪ 429 00:22:51,370 --> 00:22:53,455 Shh! 430 00:22:56,083 --> 00:22:58,960 SUBTITLES ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.