1 00:00:01,251 --> 00:00:04,254 ♪♪ 2 00:00:06,214 --> 00:00:08,591 Ooh! Careful, Homer! 3 00:00:08,675 --> 00:00:10,802 There's no time to be careful. We're late. 4 00:00:12,512 --> 00:00:17,183 ♪ O little town of Bethlehem ♪ 5 00:00:17,267 --> 00:00:21,938 ♪ How still we see thee lie ♪ 6 00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:24,607 Sorry. Excuse me. Pardon me. 7 00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:26,651 - Sorry. Excuse me. - Hey, Norman, how's it goin'? 8 00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:28,611 So you got dragged down here too? 9 00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:30,613 - How you doin', Fred? - Sorry. Excuse me. 10 00:00:30,697 --> 00:00:32,615 Yeah. 'Scuse me. 11 00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:35,869 Pardon my galoshes. 12 00:00:35,952 --> 00:00:40,498 ♪ Are met in thee tonight ♪ 13 00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:46,171 Wasn't that wonderful? 14 00:00:46,254 --> 00:00:50,425 And now "Santas of Many Lands," 15 00:00:50,508 --> 00:00:52,927 as presented by the entire second grade class. 16 00:00:53,011 --> 00:00:55,513 Lisa's class. 17 00:00:55,597 --> 00:00:58,058 Frohliche Weihnachten. 18 00:00:58,141 --> 00:01:00,977 That's German for "Merry Christmas." 19 00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:04,105 In Germany, Santa's servant Ruprecht 20 00:01:04,189 --> 00:01:06,524 gives presents to good children, 21 00:01:06,608 --> 00:01:09,069 and whipping rods to the parents of bad ones. 22 00:01:12,947 --> 00:01:14,866 Merry Kurisumasu. 23 00:01:14,949 --> 00:01:16,493 I am Hotseiosha, 24 00:01:16,576 --> 00:01:19,954 a Japanese priest who acts like Santa Claus. 25 00:01:20,038 --> 00:01:22,916 I have eyes in the back of my head, 26 00:01:22,999 --> 00:01:25,543 so children better behave when I'm nearby. 27 00:01:28,588 --> 00:01:31,800 Now presenting Lisa Simpson 28 00:01:31,883 --> 00:01:36,763 as Tawanga, the Santa Claus of the South Seas. 29 00:01:36,846 --> 00:01:38,765 Ooh, it's Lisa! That's ours. 30 00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:54,155 The fourth grade 31 00:01:54,239 --> 00:01:57,033 will now favor us with a melody... 32 00:01:57,117 --> 00:02:00,787 Medley of holiday "flavorites." 33 00:02:00,870 --> 00:02:03,373 ♪ Dashing through the snow ♪ 34 00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:05,875 ♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪ 35 00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:07,877 ♪ O'er the fields we go ♪ 36 00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:10,088 ♪ Laughing all the way, ha ha ha ♪ 37 00:02:10,171 --> 00:02:12,298 ♪ Bells on bobtail ring ♪ 38 00:02:12,382 --> 00:02:15,552 ♪♪ -Isn't Bart sweet, Homer? 39 00:02:15,635 --> 00:02:18,888 He sings like an angel. 40 00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:22,350 ♪ Jingle bells, Batman smells ♪ 41 00:02:22,433 --> 00:02:24,352 ♪ Robin laid an egg ♪ 42 00:02:24,435 --> 00:02:26,563 ♪ The Batmobile broke its wheel ♪ 43 00:02:26,646 --> 00:02:28,815 ♪ The Joker got awa... ♪ 44 00:02:28,898 --> 00:02:31,067 ♪ Jingle bells Jingle bells ♪ 45 00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:32,902 ♪ Jingle all... ♪ 46 00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:35,280 The fifth grade will now favor us 47 00:02:35,363 --> 00:02:38,700 with a scene from Charles... Dickens' 48 00:02:38,783 --> 00:02:40,410 "A Christmas Carol." 49 00:02:40,493 --> 00:02:45,081 How many grades does this school have? 50 00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:48,751 "Dear friends of the Simpson family, 51 00:02:48,835 --> 00:02:52,088 "We had some sadness and some gladness this year. 52 00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:54,591 "First, the sadness. Our little cat Snowball 53 00:02:54,674 --> 00:02:57,760 "was unexpectedly run over and went to kitty heaven. 54 00:02:57,844 --> 00:03:00,555 "But we bought a new little cat, Snowball II. 55 00:03:00,638 --> 00:03:03,308 "So I guess life goes on. 56 00:03:03,391 --> 00:03:05,185 "Speaking of life going on, 57 00:03:05,268 --> 00:03:08,062 "Grandpa is still with us, feisty as ever. 58 00:03:08,146 --> 00:03:10,064 "Maggie is walking by herself, 59 00:03:10,148 --> 00:03:13,776 "Lisa got straight A's, and Bart... 60 00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:16,279 "Well, we love Bart. 61 00:03:16,362 --> 00:03:19,282 "The magic of the season has touched us all. 62 00:03:19,365 --> 00:03:21,534 Marge, haven't you finished that stupid letter yet? 63 00:03:21,618 --> 00:03:24,871 - "Homer sends his love. Happy holidays. - Marge! 64 00:03:24,954 --> 00:03:27,248 - The Simpsons." - Marge, where's the extension cord? 65 00:03:27,332 --> 00:03:30,210 For heaven's sake, Homer. It's in the utility drawer. 66 00:03:30,293 --> 00:03:32,670 Sorry. I'm just a big kid. 67 00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:35,048 And I love Christmas so much. 68 00:03:36,132 --> 00:03:39,135 D' 69 00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:41,346 All right, children, let me have those letters. 70 00:03:41,429 --> 00:03:44,182 I'll send them to Santa's workshop at the North Pole. 71 00:03:44,265 --> 00:03:46,368 Please. There's only one fat guy that brings us presents, 72 00:03:46,392 --> 00:03:48,311 and his name ain't Santa. 73 00:03:48,394 --> 00:03:51,648 A pony? 74 00:03:51,731 --> 00:03:55,360 Lisa, you've asked for that for the last three years, 75 00:03:55,443 --> 00:03:57,237 and I keep telling you 76 00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:58,988 Santa can't fit a pony into his sleigh. 77 00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:00,949 Can't you take a hint? 78 00:04:01,032 --> 00:04:02,992 But I really want a pony, 79 00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:06,204 and I've been really, really good this year. 80 00:04:06,287 --> 00:04:09,082 Dear. Maybe Bart is a little more realistic. 81 00:04:09,165 --> 00:04:11,084 - A tattoo? - A what? 82 00:04:11,167 --> 00:04:13,419 Yeah! They're cool, and they last the rest of your life. 83 00:04:13,503 --> 00:04:16,256 You will not be getting a tattoo for Christmas. 84 00:04:16,339 --> 00:04:18,132 Yeah. If you want one, 85 00:04:18,216 --> 00:04:19,652 you'll have to pay for it out of your own allowance. 86 00:04:19,676 --> 00:04:21,010 - All right! - Homer! 87 00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:23,012 "Yello." 88 00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,098 - Marge, please. - Who's this? 89 00:04:25,181 --> 00:04:27,100 May I please speak to Marge? 90 00:04:27,183 --> 00:04:30,019 - This is her sister, isn't it? - Is Marge there? 91 00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:33,439 - Who shall I say is calling? - Marge, please. 92 00:04:33,523 --> 00:04:36,734 It's your sister. 93 00:04:36,818 --> 00:04:39,404 - Hello. - Hello, Marge. It's Patty. 94 00:04:39,487 --> 00:04:41,864 Selma and I couldn't be more excited 95 00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:43,950 about seeing our baby sister for Christmas Eve. 96 00:04:44,033 --> 00:04:45,702 Well, Homer and I 97 00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:47,996 are looking forward to your visit too. 98 00:04:50,081 --> 00:04:52,542 Somehow I doubt that Homer is excited. 99 00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:55,628 Of all the men you could've married, 100 00:04:55,712 --> 00:04:57,982 I don't know why you picked one who's always so rude to us. 101 00:04:58,006 --> 00:04:59,924 Good one, Dad. 102 00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:02,802 Okay, kids, prepare to be dazzled. 103 00:05:02,885 --> 00:05:05,638 Marge, turn on the juice! 104 00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,476 What do you think, kids? 105 00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:12,478 Nice try, Dad. 106 00:05:12,562 --> 00:05:14,814 Just hold your horses, son. Hey, Simpson! 107 00:05:14,897 --> 00:05:16,274 What is it, Flanders? 108 00:05:16,357 --> 00:05:18,609 Do you think this looks okay? 109 00:05:18,693 --> 00:05:22,447 Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho. 110 00:05:22,530 --> 00:05:24,449 Neato! 111 00:05:24,532 --> 00:05:26,451 It's too bright. 112 00:05:26,534 --> 00:05:28,911 I oughta... Flanders. What a big show-off. 113 00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:34,459 - Kids, you wanna go Christmas shopping? - I do! 114 00:05:34,542 --> 00:05:36,836 - All right! The mall! - Go get your money. 115 00:05:36,919 --> 00:05:38,504 Tell us, Marge. 116 00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:40,357 Where have you been hiding the Christmas money? 117 00:05:40,381 --> 00:05:43,259 I have my secrets. 118 00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:45,345 Turn around. 119 00:05:48,264 --> 00:05:49,640 You can look now. 120 00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:51,851 Ooh! Big jar this year. 121 00:06:02,653 --> 00:06:05,907 ♪♪ 122 00:06:11,579 --> 00:06:13,498 Bart, that's so sweet. 123 00:06:13,581 --> 00:06:16,084 It's the best present a mother could get, 124 00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:18,628 and it makes you look so dangerous. 125 00:06:21,339 --> 00:06:23,424 One "Mother," please. 126 00:06:23,508 --> 00:06:25,426 Wait a minute. How old are you? 127 00:06:25,510 --> 00:06:27,553 - Twenty-one, sir. - Get in the chair. 128 00:06:29,138 --> 00:06:33,684 ♪♪ 129 00:06:41,776 --> 00:06:44,404 Attention, all personnel, please keep working 130 00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:46,406 during the following announcement. 131 00:06:46,489 --> 00:06:50,034 And now our boss and friend Mr. Burns. 132 00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:52,370 Hello. I'm proud to announce 133 00:06:52,453 --> 00:06:55,373 that we've been able to increase safety here at the plant 134 00:06:55,456 --> 00:06:57,708 without increasing the cost to the consumer 135 00:06:57,792 --> 00:06:59,919 or affecting management pay raises. 136 00:07:00,002 --> 00:07:03,089 However, for you semi-skilled workers, 137 00:07:03,172 --> 00:07:05,091 there will be no Christmas bonuses. 138 00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:08,678 And one more thing. 139 00:07:08,761 --> 00:07:10,763 Merry Christmas! 140 00:07:10,847 --> 00:07:14,350 Thank God for the big jar. 141 00:07:16,644 --> 00:07:19,647 Where's that Bart? 142 00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:29,532 But, Mom, I thought you'd like it. 143 00:07:31,492 --> 00:07:34,328 Yes, Mrs. Simpson, we can remove your son's tattoo. 144 00:07:34,412 --> 00:07:36,831 It's a simple routine involving lasers. 145 00:07:36,914 --> 00:07:39,167 - Cool! - However, it is rather expensive, 146 00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:42,003 and we must insist on a cash payment up front. 147 00:07:42,086 --> 00:07:44,172 Cash? 148 00:07:44,255 --> 00:07:47,175 Thank God for Homer's Christmas bonus. 149 00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:50,094 Ay, caramba! 150 00:07:50,178 --> 00:07:52,597 Now, whatever you do, boy, don't squirm. 151 00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:56,684 You don't wanna get this sucker near your eye or your groin. 152 00:07:58,769 --> 00:08:02,482 Quit it. 153 00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:04,442 Quit it. 154 00:08:04,525 --> 00:08:06,444 Quit it. 155 00:08:06,527 --> 00:08:08,905 - Quit it. - Hey, what's with this? 156 00:08:08,988 --> 00:08:10,823 Quit it! 157 00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:12,742 Used to be a real boss tattoo. 158 00:08:12,825 --> 00:08:14,511 But Mom had to spend all the Christmas money 159 00:08:14,535 --> 00:08:16,120 having it surgically removed. 160 00:08:20,041 --> 00:08:23,085 It's true! 161 00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:26,797 The jar is empty! My God! 162 00:08:26,881 --> 00:08:29,258 We're ruined. Christmas is canceled. 163 00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:31,344 No presents for anyone! 164 00:08:31,427 --> 00:08:33,304 Don't worry, Homer. 165 00:08:33,387 --> 00:08:35,227 We'll just have to stretch your Christmas bonus 166 00:08:35,264 --> 00:08:37,475 even further this year. 167 00:08:37,558 --> 00:08:39,310 - Homer? - Yeah. 168 00:08:39,393 --> 00:08:40,770 My Christmas bonus. 169 00:08:40,853 --> 00:08:43,606 How silly of me. 170 00:08:43,689 --> 00:08:46,651 This'll be the best Christmas yet. 171 00:08:46,734 --> 00:08:48,653 The best any family ever had. 172 00:08:52,406 --> 00:08:54,408 Ho ho ho. 173 00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:57,620 Ho ho ho. 174 00:08:58,829 --> 00:09:01,499 Ho ho ho. 175 00:09:02,792 --> 00:09:07,713 Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho. 176 00:09:12,009 --> 00:09:13,761 I get the feeling 177 00:09:13,844 --> 00:09:15,572 there's something you haven't told me, Homer. 178 00:09:15,596 --> 00:09:17,557 I love you, Marge. 179 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,267 You tell me that all the time. 180 00:09:19,350 --> 00:09:21,435 Good, because I do love you. 181 00:09:21,519 --> 00:09:24,438 I don't deserve you as much as a guy with a fat wallet 182 00:09:24,522 --> 00:09:27,650 and a credit card that won't set off that horrible beeping. 183 00:09:27,733 --> 00:09:29,360 I think it does have something to do with 184 00:09:29,443 --> 00:09:30,945 your Christmas bonus. 185 00:09:31,028 --> 00:09:32,947 I keep asking for it, but... 186 00:09:33,030 --> 00:09:36,576 Marge, um, let me be honest with you. 187 00:09:36,659 --> 00:09:38,494 Yes? 188 00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:40,621 Well, I would... 189 00:09:44,542 --> 00:09:47,128 I wanna do the Christmas shopping this year. 190 00:09:47,211 --> 00:09:49,630 Sure, okay. 191 00:09:53,676 --> 00:09:56,971 Marge, Marge. Let's see. 192 00:09:57,054 --> 00:09:59,307 Ooh, look! 193 00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:02,560 Pantyhose. Practical and alluring. 194 00:10:02,643 --> 00:10:06,147 A six-pack. Only 4.99. 195 00:10:06,230 --> 00:10:08,441 Ooh! Pads of paper. 196 00:10:08,524 --> 00:10:10,484 I bet Bart can think of 197 00:10:10,568 --> 00:10:11,753 a million things to do with these. 198 00:10:11,777 --> 00:10:13,154 That just leaves little Maggie. 199 00:10:13,237 --> 00:10:15,239 Look! 200 00:10:15,323 --> 00:10:17,241 A little squeak toy. 201 00:10:17,325 --> 00:10:20,328 It says it's for dogs, but she can't read. 202 00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:24,540 Simpson, it's you. 203 00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:26,083 - Hello, Flanders. - My! 204 00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:28,044 What a little mess we've got here. 205 00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:30,546 Well, which ones are yours and which ones are mine? 206 00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:33,633 - Well, let's see... - This one's mine. This one's mine. 207 00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:36,552 - This one's mine, and this... - They're all yours! 208 00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:38,554 Hey, Mr. Simpson, you dropped your pork chop. 209 00:10:39,805 --> 00:10:41,015 Gimme that! 210 00:10:41,098 --> 00:10:43,351 Well, happy holidays, Simpson. 211 00:10:43,434 --> 00:10:46,812 Gee, Dad, this is gonna be the best Christmas ever. 212 00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:48,022 You bet. 213 00:10:57,448 --> 00:10:58,908 What's the matter, Homer? 214 00:10:58,991 --> 00:11:01,661 Somebody leave a lump of coal in your stocking? 215 00:11:01,744 --> 00:11:03,722 You've been sitting there, sucking on a beer all day long. 216 00:11:03,746 --> 00:11:06,415 - So? - So, it's Christmas. 217 00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:10,211 ♪♪ -Thanks, Moe. 218 00:11:10,294 --> 00:11:12,213 Drinks all around! 219 00:11:12,296 --> 00:11:14,215 What's with the crazy getup, Barn? 220 00:11:14,298 --> 00:11:16,258 I got me a part-time job 221 00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:18,719 working as a Santa down at the mall. 222 00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:20,721 Wow! Can I do that? 223 00:11:20,805 --> 00:11:23,641 I don't know. They're pretty selective. 224 00:11:23,724 --> 00:11:25,643 Do you like children? 225 00:11:25,726 --> 00:11:27,103 What do you mean? 226 00:11:27,186 --> 00:11:29,146 All the time? Even when they're nuts? 227 00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:32,650 I certainly do. 228 00:11:32,733 --> 00:11:34,652 Welcome aboard, Simpson. 229 00:11:34,735 --> 00:11:37,381 Pending your successful completion of our training program, that is. 230 00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:40,658 Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho. 231 00:11:40,741 --> 00:11:43,619 Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho. 232 00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:46,872 - What is it now, Simpson? - When do we get paid? 233 00:11:46,956 --> 00:11:48,666 Not a dime till Christmas Eve! 234 00:11:48,749 --> 00:11:50,459 Now, from the top. 235 00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:54,505 Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho. 236 00:11:54,588 --> 00:11:57,466 Um, Dasher. 237 00:11:57,550 --> 00:11:59,802 Dancer. 238 00:11:59,885 --> 00:12:02,346 Prancer. 239 00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:04,348 Nixon. 240 00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:07,810 Comet and... Cupid. 241 00:12:07,893 --> 00:12:09,812 - Donna Dixon? - Sit down, Simpson. 242 00:12:09,895 --> 00:12:12,106 And what would you like, little boy? 243 00:12:12,189 --> 00:12:14,292 - You're not really Santa, tubby. - Why, you little egghead! 244 00:12:14,316 --> 00:12:16,694 No, no, Homer! If such an emergency arises, 245 00:12:16,777 --> 00:12:19,864 you just tell them Santa's very busy this time of year, 246 00:12:19,947 --> 00:12:21,907 and you are one of his helpers. 247 00:12:21,991 --> 00:12:23,576 I knew that one too! 248 00:12:26,620 --> 00:12:29,123 Homer, why are you seven hours late? 249 00:12:29,206 --> 00:12:31,792 Not a word, Marge. I'm heading straight for the tub. 250 00:12:31,876 --> 00:12:33,753 But, Homer, my sisters are here. 251 00:12:33,836 --> 00:12:36,255 Don't you wanna say hello? 252 00:12:38,966 --> 00:12:41,653 - Daddy! Daddy! We're so glad to see you! - Dad, you're finally home! 253 00:12:41,677 --> 00:12:44,930 What? Why? Yeah. 254 00:12:45,014 --> 00:12:47,683 Hello, Patty. Hello, Selma. 255 00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:49,810 - How was your trip? - Fine. 256 00:12:49,894 --> 00:12:52,354 - You both look well. - Thank you. 257 00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:53,689 Yeah, well, Merry Christmas. 258 00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:55,608 It's Christmas? 259 00:12:55,691 --> 00:12:58,569 - You wouldn't know it around here. - And why is that? 260 00:12:58,652 --> 00:13:00,279 Well, for one thing, there's no tree. 261 00:13:00,362 --> 00:13:02,740 Well, I was just on my way out to get one! 262 00:13:02,823 --> 00:13:04,533 - Can we go too, Dad? - Yeah, can we? 263 00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:05,826 No! 264 00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:08,412 ♪ Sleigh bells ring ♪ 265 00:13:08,496 --> 00:13:10,790 ♪ Are you listening ♪ 266 00:13:10,873 --> 00:13:13,834 ♪ In the lane ♪ 267 00:13:13,918 --> 00:13:16,420 ♪ Snow is glistening ♪ 268 00:13:16,504 --> 00:13:19,840 ♪ A beautiful sight ♪ 269 00:13:19,924 --> 00:13:22,843 ♪ We're happy tonight ♪ 270 00:13:22,927 --> 00:13:25,346 ♪ Walking in a winter wonderland ♪♪ 271 00:13:29,099 --> 00:13:31,602 Hey, you! What do you think you're doin'? 272 00:13:31,685 --> 00:13:33,604 Hey! Hey! 273 00:13:33,687 --> 00:13:35,815 Come back here! 274 00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:41,695 So what do you think, kids? Beauty, isn't it? 275 00:13:41,779 --> 00:13:44,615 - Wow! Yay, Dad! - Way to go, Dad! 276 00:13:44,698 --> 00:13:46,033 Why is there a birdhouse in it? 277 00:13:46,116 --> 00:13:48,536 That's an ornament. 278 00:13:48,619 --> 00:13:50,955 Do I smell gunpowder? 279 00:13:51,038 --> 00:13:53,874 And then I want some Robotoids. 280 00:13:53,958 --> 00:13:55,835 And then I want a Goop Monster. 281 00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:57,837 And then I want a great big, giant... 282 00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:00,089 Aw, son, you don't need all that junk. 283 00:14:00,172 --> 00:14:03,092 I'm sure you've already got something much more important... 284 00:14:03,175 --> 00:14:05,553 A decent home and a loving father 285 00:14:05,636 --> 00:14:07,930 who would do anything for you. 286 00:14:08,013 --> 00:14:10,766 Hey, I couldn't afford lunch. Give me a bite of that donut. 287 00:14:13,394 --> 00:14:15,020 Get a load of that quote-unquote Santa. 288 00:14:15,104 --> 00:14:17,857 I can't believe those kids are falling for it. 289 00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:19,859 Hey, Milhouse, I dare you to sit on his lap. 290 00:14:19,942 --> 00:14:22,862 Yeah? Well, I dare you to yank his beard off. 291 00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:24,697 Touche. 292 00:14:24,780 --> 00:14:26,699 I hope you feel better, Santa. 293 00:14:26,782 --> 00:14:28,993 I will when Mrs. Claus' sisters get outta town. 294 00:14:29,076 --> 00:14:31,078 Thanks for listenin', kid. 295 00:14:33,163 --> 00:14:35,082 Hey, Santa, what's shakin', man? 296 00:14:35,165 --> 00:14:36,959 What's your name, Bart... ner? 297 00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:38,878 Little partner? 298 00:14:38,961 --> 00:14:40,838 I'm Bart Simpson. Who the hell are you? 299 00:14:40,921 --> 00:14:42,131 I'm Jolly Old St. Nick. 300 00:14:42,214 --> 00:14:44,884 Yeah? We'll just see about that. 301 00:14:44,967 --> 00:14:47,428 D' 302 00:14:47,511 --> 00:14:49,638 - Homer! - I want a word with you 303 00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:51,265 in Santa's workshop, little boy. 304 00:14:51,348 --> 00:14:52,516 Cover for me, Elfie. 305 00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:54,727 Don't kill me, Dad. I didn't know it was you. 306 00:14:54,810 --> 00:14:56,896 Nobody knows. It's a secret. 307 00:14:56,979 --> 00:14:58,898 I didn't get my bonus this year. 308 00:14:58,981 --> 00:15:01,042 But to keep the family from missing out on Christmas, 309 00:15:01,066 --> 00:15:02,985 - I'd do anything. - I'll say, Dad. 310 00:15:03,068 --> 00:15:06,572 You must really love us to sink so low. 311 00:15:07,948 --> 00:15:09,867 Now, let's not get mushy, son. 312 00:15:09,950 --> 00:15:11,911 I still have a job to do. 313 00:15:11,994 --> 00:15:13,954 Hey, little ones. Santa's back. 314 00:15:14,038 --> 00:15:15,789 Ho ho... D' 315 00:15:15,873 --> 00:15:18,709 Damn it to... 316 00:15:18,792 --> 00:15:20,920 Son, one day you're gonna know 317 00:15:21,003 --> 00:15:22,922 the satisfaction of payday. 318 00:15:23,005 --> 00:15:26,592 Receiving a big fat check for a job well done. 319 00:15:26,675 --> 00:15:28,344 Simpson, Homer? Here ya go. 320 00:15:28,427 --> 00:15:30,012 Come on, son. 321 00:15:30,095 --> 00:15:32,890 Let's go cash this baby and get presents for... 322 00:15:32,973 --> 00:15:36,101 Thirteen bucks? Hey, wait a minute. 323 00:15:36,185 --> 00:15:38,103 That's right. $120 gross. 324 00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:40,147 Less Social Security, less unemployment insurance, 325 00:15:40,189 --> 00:15:41,899 - less Santa training... - Santa training? 326 00:15:41,982 --> 00:15:44,002 Less costume purchase, less beard rental, less Christmas club. 327 00:15:44,026 --> 00:15:46,153 - But... But... - See ya next year. 328 00:15:46,236 --> 00:15:49,573 Come on, Dad. Let's go home. 329 00:15:49,657 --> 00:15:51,575 Thirteen bucks? 330 00:15:51,659 --> 00:15:53,911 You can't get anything for 13 bucks. 331 00:15:53,994 --> 00:15:56,997 All right! Thirteen big ones! 332 00:15:57,081 --> 00:15:59,124 Springfield Downs, here I come! 333 00:15:59,208 --> 00:16:01,210 - What? - You heard me. 334 00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:03,253 I'm goin' to the dog track. 335 00:16:03,337 --> 00:16:05,673 I got a hot little puppy in the fourth race. 336 00:16:05,756 --> 00:16:07,675 - Wanna come? - Sorry, Barney. 337 00:16:07,758 --> 00:16:09,593 I may be a total washout as a father, 338 00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:11,053 but I'm not gonna take my kid 339 00:16:11,136 --> 00:16:13,222 to a sleazy dog track on Christmas Eve. 340 00:16:13,305 --> 00:16:16,976 Come on, Simpson. The dog's name is Whirlwind. 341 00:16:17,059 --> 00:16:19,687 Ten-to-one shot. Money in the bank. 342 00:16:19,770 --> 00:16:21,689 Come on, Dad. 343 00:16:21,772 --> 00:16:24,650 This can be the miracle that saves the Simpsons' Christmas. 344 00:16:24,733 --> 00:16:26,652 If TV has taught me anything, 345 00:16:26,735 --> 00:16:29,697 it's that miracles always happen to poor kids at Christmas. 346 00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:31,115 It happened to Tiny Tim, 347 00:16:31,198 --> 00:16:32,300 it happened to Charlie Brown, 348 00:16:32,324 --> 00:16:33,617 it happened to the Smurfs, 349 00:16:33,701 --> 00:16:35,327 and it's gonna happen to us. 350 00:16:37,246 --> 00:16:40,374 Well, okay, let's go. Who's Tiny Tim? 351 00:16:43,711 --> 00:16:45,689 Hey, Moldy, do you think Santa will be able to find 352 00:16:45,713 --> 00:16:47,798 Elf County under all this snow? 353 00:16:47,881 --> 00:16:49,550 I doubt it, Bubbles. 354 00:16:49,633 --> 00:16:52,594 We'll be sad little elves this Christmas. 355 00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:54,888 - No! - Brother. 356 00:16:54,972 --> 00:16:56,974 - Where's your husband? - Yeah. It's getting late. 357 00:16:57,057 --> 00:16:59,435 Said he went caroling with Bart. 358 00:16:59,518 --> 00:17:03,397 ♪ We're in the money ♪ 359 00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:06,984 ♪ We got a lot of what it takes to get along ♪♪ 360 00:17:07,067 --> 00:17:09,194 I can't believe I'm doing this. 361 00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:12,072 Can we open our presents now, Dad? 362 00:17:12,156 --> 00:17:15,159 You know the tradition, son. Not till the eighth race. 363 00:17:15,242 --> 00:17:17,119 Hey, Barney, which one is Whirlwind? 364 00:17:17,202 --> 00:17:18,537 Number Six. 365 00:17:18,620 --> 00:17:21,457 That's our lucky dog right over there. 366 00:17:21,540 --> 00:17:24,209 He's won his last five races. 367 00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:26,503 What? That scrawny little bag of bones? 368 00:17:26,587 --> 00:17:29,214 Come on, Dad. They're all scrawny little bags of bones. 369 00:17:29,298 --> 00:17:32,009 Yeah, you're right. 370 00:17:32,092 --> 00:17:33,719 I guess Whirlwind is our only hope 371 00:17:33,802 --> 00:17:35,721 for a Merry Christmas. 372 00:17:35,804 --> 00:17:37,532 Attention, racing fans, we have a late scratch 373 00:17:37,556 --> 00:17:38,599 in the fourth race. 374 00:17:38,682 --> 00:17:40,517 Number 8, Sir Galahad 375 00:17:40,601 --> 00:17:42,603 will be replaced by Santa's Little Helper. 376 00:17:42,686 --> 00:17:44,563 Once again, Sir Galahad 377 00:17:44,646 --> 00:17:46,982 has been replaced by Santa's Little Helper. 378 00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:48,984 Bart, did you hear that? 379 00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:51,070 What a name! Santa's Little Helper! 380 00:17:51,153 --> 00:17:52,446 It's a sign! It's an omen! 381 00:17:52,529 --> 00:17:54,656 It's a coincidence, Dad. 382 00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:56,450 What are the odds on Santa's Little Helper? 383 00:17:56,533 --> 00:17:57,868 Ninety-nine to one. 384 00:17:57,951 --> 00:18:01,121 Wow! Ninety-nine times thirteen equals... 385 00:18:01,205 --> 00:18:03,582 Merry Christmas! 386 00:18:03,665 --> 00:18:05,584 I got a bad feeling about this. 387 00:18:05,667 --> 00:18:07,586 Don't you believe in me, son? 388 00:18:07,669 --> 00:18:09,254 Come on, boy. Sometimes your faith 389 00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:10,631 is all that keeps me going. 390 00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:15,636 Go for it, Dad. 391 00:18:15,719 --> 00:18:17,262 That's my boy! 392 00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:19,473 Everything on Santa's Little Helper. 393 00:18:19,556 --> 00:18:22,101 Three cheers for Brainy! 394 00:18:22,184 --> 00:18:24,520 - Hip hip hooray! - Yay! 395 00:18:24,603 --> 00:18:26,522 Unadulterated pap. 396 00:18:26,605 --> 00:18:29,066 - It's almost 9:00. - Where's Homer anyway? 397 00:18:29,149 --> 00:18:32,069 It's so typical of the big doofus to spoil it all. 398 00:18:32,152 --> 00:18:34,446 - What, Aunt Patty? - Nothing, dear. 399 00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:36,490 I'm just trashing your father. 400 00:18:36,573 --> 00:18:38,492 Well, I wish you wouldn't 401 00:18:38,575 --> 00:18:40,536 because aside from the fact that 402 00:18:40,619 --> 00:18:43,122 he has the same frailties as all human beings, 403 00:18:43,205 --> 00:18:45,124 he's the only father I have. 404 00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:47,709 Therefore, he is my model of manhood, 405 00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:49,545 and my estimation of him 406 00:18:49,628 --> 00:18:52,214 will govern the prospects of my adult relationships. 407 00:18:52,297 --> 00:18:54,675 So I hope you bear in mind 408 00:18:54,758 --> 00:18:56,552 that any knock at him is a knock at me, 409 00:18:56,635 --> 00:18:58,095 and I'm far too young 410 00:18:58,178 --> 00:19:01,390 to defend myself against such onslaughts. 411 00:19:01,473 --> 00:19:04,726 Go watch your cartoon show, dear. 412 00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:06,728 Come on, Bart. 413 00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:08,313 Kiss the ticket for good luck, 414 00:19:08,397 --> 00:19:09,940 not that we need it. 415 00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:15,195 Here comes Screwy the mechanical rabbit. 416 00:19:15,279 --> 00:19:17,406 And they're off! 417 00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:20,325 - Come on, Santa's Little Helper! - Come on, dog! Go, man, go! 418 00:19:20,409 --> 00:19:23,328 It's Whirlwind in the lead, and coming up on the left is Quadruped, 419 00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:25,414 followed by Dog O'War and Fido. 420 00:19:25,497 --> 00:19:27,377 - Go! Come on, boy! - Go, Santa's Little Helper! 421 00:19:27,457 --> 00:19:28,625 Come on, get that rabbit! 422 00:19:28,709 --> 00:19:31,211 Dog O'War coming up fast on the outside. 423 00:19:31,295 --> 00:19:33,398 - Come on, Santa's Little Helper! - Come on, dog! Go, man, go! 424 00:19:33,422 --> 00:19:35,549 And with a lock on last place, 425 00:19:35,632 --> 00:19:37,009 it's Santa's Little Helper. 426 00:19:37,092 --> 00:19:40,429 Don't worry, Dad. 427 00:19:40,512 --> 00:19:43,765 Maybe this is just for suspense before the miracle happens. 428 00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:47,269 - Come on, you stupid dog! Come on, boy! - Go, go! 429 00:19:47,352 --> 00:19:49,521 - Run! Run! - Run! Come on, get that rabbit! 430 00:19:49,605 --> 00:19:52,274 Go, go, Santa's Little Helper! Go, go, go! 431 00:19:52,357 --> 00:19:54,151 Whirlwind by a country mile, 432 00:19:54,234 --> 00:19:56,570 and in second, Chew My Shoe, followed by Dog O'War. 433 00:19:56,653 --> 00:19:59,281 Jeez! 434 00:19:59,364 --> 00:20:02,451 Doesn't seem possible, but I guess TV has betrayed me. 435 00:20:02,534 --> 00:20:05,370 I don't wanna leave till our dog finishes. 436 00:20:10,292 --> 00:20:12,461 Forget it. Let's go. 437 00:20:21,386 --> 00:20:24,306 - Find any winners, son? - Sorry, Dad. 438 00:20:24,389 --> 00:20:27,392 Hey, hey, Simpson! What'd I tell you? 439 00:20:27,476 --> 00:20:30,479 Whirlwind! Let's go, Daria. 440 00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:38,320 Beat it! Scram! Get lost! 441 00:20:38,403 --> 00:20:41,406 You came in last for the last time! 442 00:20:41,490 --> 00:20:43,575 Look, Dad, it's Santa's Little Helper. 443 00:20:43,659 --> 00:20:46,495 And don't come back! 444 00:20:46,578 --> 00:20:49,456 No, you don't! No, no! Get away from me! 445 00:20:52,376 --> 00:20:54,836 Can we keep him, Dad, please? 446 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:58,382 But he's a loser! He's pathetic! He's... 447 00:21:00,467 --> 00:21:02,427 A Simpson. 448 00:21:05,639 --> 00:21:08,433 Maybe I should call the police. 449 00:21:08,517 --> 00:21:11,478 - He'll sober up. - Yeah. Come staggering home. 450 00:21:11,561 --> 00:21:13,772 Smelling of cheap perfume. 451 00:21:13,855 --> 00:21:16,275 Homer! 452 00:21:16,358 --> 00:21:18,735 -What? What the... Who the... -Look, everybody, 453 00:21:18,819 --> 00:21:22,406 - I have a confession to make. - This should be good. 454 00:21:22,489 --> 00:21:25,200 I didn't get my Christmas bonus. 455 00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:27,703 I tried not to let it ruin Christmas for everybody, 456 00:21:27,786 --> 00:21:29,705 but no matter what I did... 457 00:21:29,788 --> 00:21:32,207 Hey, everybody, look what we got! 458 00:21:33,542 --> 00:21:36,420 A dog! All right, Dad! 459 00:21:36,503 --> 00:21:38,005 God bless him. 460 00:21:38,088 --> 00:21:40,424 So love at first sight is possible. 461 00:21:40,507 --> 00:21:42,843 And if he runs away, he'll be easy to catch. 462 00:21:42,926 --> 00:21:45,345 This is the best gift of all, Homer! 463 00:21:45,429 --> 00:21:47,848 - It is? - Yes. Something to share our love 464 00:21:47,931 --> 00:21:49,850 and frighten prowlers. 465 00:21:49,933 --> 00:21:52,394 - What's his name? - Number 8... 466 00:21:52,477 --> 00:21:54,938 I mean, Santa's Little Helper. 467 00:22:09,411 --> 00:22:12,414 ♪ Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer ♪ 468 00:22:12,497 --> 00:22:15,208 ♪ Had a very shiny nose ♪ 469 00:22:15,292 --> 00:22:18,211 ♪ And if you ever saw it ♪ 470 00:22:18,295 --> 00:22:21,256 - ♪ You would even say it glows ♪ - Like a light bulb! 471 00:22:21,340 --> 00:22:24,259 - Bart! - ♪ All of the other reindeer ♪ 472 00:22:24,343 --> 00:22:26,261 ♪ Used to laugh and call him names ♪ 473 00:22:26,345 --> 00:22:28,263 - Like Shnozzola! - Lisa! 474 00:22:28,347 --> 00:22:30,349 ♪ They never let poor Rudolph ♪ 475 00:22:30,432 --> 00:22:32,809 ♪ Join in any reindeer games ♪ 476 00:22:32,893 --> 00:22:35,270 - Like strip poker! - I'm warning you two! 477 00:22:35,354 --> 00:22:36,980 ♪ The one foggy Christmas Eve ♪ 478 00:22:37,064 --> 00:22:40,025 - ♪ Santa came to say ♪ - Take it, Homer! 479 00:22:40,108 --> 00:22:43,362 ♪ Rudolph get your nose over here ♪ 480 00:22:43,445 --> 00:22:47,282 - ♪ So you can guide my sleigh today ♪ - Homer. 481 00:22:47,366 --> 00:22:50,369 ♪ Then all the reindeer loved him ♪ 482 00:22:50,452 --> 00:22:53,288 ♪ And they shouted out with glee ♪ 483 00:22:53,372 --> 00:22:56,083 ♪ Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer ♪ 484 00:22:56,166 --> 00:22:59,753 ♪ You'll go down in history ♪ 485 00:22:59,836 --> 00:23:01,922 - ♪ Like Attila the Hu... ♪♪ - You little... 486 00:23:04,174 --> 00:23:05,884 Shh.