1
00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,333
[tools clattering]

2
00:00:13,416 --> 00:00:14,833
[ominous music playing]

3
00:00:14,916 --> 00:00:16,291
Oh.

4
00:00:17,958 --> 00:00:18,875
[Godcat screaming]

5
00:00:18,958 --> 00:00:20,750
-[brakes screeching]
-[magical music playing]

6
00:00:23,625 --> 00:00:24,666
[sighs]

7
00:00:26,500 --> 00:00:28,208
[radar beeping]

8
00:00:29,125 --> 00:00:30,125
[door squeaking]

9
00:00:30,208 --> 00:00:32,208
[suspenseful music playing]

10
00:00:33,208 --> 00:00:34,125
[dramatic sting]

11
00:00:34,208 --> 00:00:36,041
[muffled mumbling]

12
00:00:36,125 --> 00:00:38,708
Toothy! Toothy. Chill out.

13
00:00:38,791 --> 00:00:41,333
It's me, God. Shh.

14
00:00:41,416 --> 00:00:45,333
God? In a cat's body?
Wearing toddler pajamas?

15
00:00:45,416 --> 00:00:47,333
[laughing]

16
00:00:47,416 --> 00:00:50,458
Dude, if you wanted
to have another costume orgy,

17
00:00:50,541 --> 00:00:52,958
I'd have brought
my Winnie the Pooh outfit, man.

18
00:00:53,041 --> 00:00:54,500
Sorry for tricking you.

19
00:00:54,583 --> 00:00:56,916
You know,
normally I'd never abuse tooth code,

20
00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:58,041
but I need a ride.

21
00:00:58,125 --> 00:01:00,541
A ride? To where?

22
00:01:00,625 --> 00:01:03,875
Heaven. I'm getting my job back.

23
00:01:03,958 --> 00:01:05,958
[theme music playing]

24
00:01:12,375 --> 00:01:15,500
[Godcat] Long story short,
Heaven and Hell are merging.

25
00:01:15,583 --> 00:01:17,500
The boards are picking a new CEO,

26
00:01:17,583 --> 00:01:19,833
and I need to get up there
to throw my hat in the ring.

27
00:01:19,916 --> 00:01:23,250
Oh yeah. The merger.
They're already redoing the offices.

28
00:01:23,333 --> 00:01:27,000
They converted all the toilets
to be open-air experiences.

29
00:01:27,083 --> 00:01:29,333
What? You know about the merger too?

30
00:01:29,416 --> 00:01:30,958
Why didn't Cheryl tell me?

31
00:01:31,041 --> 00:01:34,583
[sighs] This is why I didn't mention
any assistants in the Bible. Useless.

32
00:01:34,666 --> 00:01:37,833
Hey, maybe I should throw my hat
in the ring to be CEO.

33
00:01:37,916 --> 00:01:41,208
I got lots of good ideas. Like,
you know how people have morning breath?

34
00:01:41,291 --> 00:01:45,125
-What about afternoon breath, huh?
-Uh-huh.

35
00:01:45,208 --> 00:01:49,541
Or what if you could remove your tongue
and rub it on stuff to taste it?

36
00:01:49,625 --> 00:01:51,833
-Let's see what else. I've got a…
-[song playing on radio]

37
00:01:51,916 --> 00:01:54,208
[Herb] ♪ …for some trouble
Outside of town ♪

38
00:01:54,291 --> 00:01:57,958
♪ Take a hoe for a soul
Who had to go down ♪

39
00:01:58,041 --> 00:02:02,208
♪ But a shovel cost ten
And you only got five ♪

40
00:02:02,291 --> 00:02:05,375
♪ Need a deal that's a steal
Don't you give me no jive ♪

41
00:02:05,458 --> 00:02:06,291
Hmm.

42
00:02:07,333 --> 00:02:14,166
♪ Ain't no shame in whiskey for breakfast
No shame in finding a fair price ♪

43
00:02:14,916 --> 00:02:18,833
♪ Buy your wife that diamond necklace ♪

44
00:02:18,916 --> 00:02:22,416
-♪ Cubic zirconium will also suffice ♪
-Mmm.

45
00:02:22,500 --> 00:02:24,333
♪ She won't notice believe me, boys ♪

46
00:02:24,416 --> 00:02:25,500
[Herb laughing]

47
00:02:25,583 --> 00:02:27,208
[Marv grunting]

48
00:02:27,291 --> 00:02:29,208
-[door closes]
-Abbie? You here?

49
00:02:29,291 --> 00:02:31,166
-[dog whimpering]
-[Abbie grunting]

50
00:02:31,708 --> 00:02:32,625
Hey, hon.

51
00:02:32,708 --> 00:02:34,916
This corgi got into
the employee locker room

52
00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:36,916
and ate my favorite sports bra.

53
00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:37,833
What's up?

54
00:02:37,916 --> 00:02:41,000
Grabbed this for dinner.
I figured Greta likes chicken,

55
00:02:41,083 --> 00:02:44,625
and Travis likes things
that have been graphically murdered, so…

56
00:02:44,708 --> 00:02:47,541
Oh. I thought you and I could go out
for dinner.

57
00:02:47,625 --> 00:02:50,083
Maybe that pub
near the comic book store you go to?

58
00:02:50,166 --> 00:02:52,333
I can't. I have to work late.

59
00:02:52,416 --> 00:02:54,833
Our janitor got poached by a rival store

60
00:02:54,916 --> 00:02:57,333
and those vomit puddles
aren't gonna mop themselves.

61
00:02:57,416 --> 00:02:58,916
How about tomorrow night?

62
00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:01,500
Dice rolling symposium at the Game Café.

63
00:03:01,583 --> 00:03:05,000
Wouldn't you rather go have a fun,
romantic adventure with your wife

64
00:03:05,083 --> 00:03:07,500
than play Monopoly with strangers?

65
00:03:07,583 --> 00:03:10,291
Okay. Well, A, I despise Monopoly.

66
00:03:10,375 --> 00:03:14,375
A game where a hat can own a hotel?
That's a bridge too far.

67
00:03:14,458 --> 00:03:18,875
And B, I play games with strangers
because you stopped going with me.

68
00:03:18,958 --> 00:03:21,666
You stopped caring about
everything I like.

69
00:03:21,750 --> 00:03:23,875
Yeah, because I'm not a twelve-year-old.

70
00:03:23,958 --> 00:03:24,833
[soft music playing]

71
00:03:24,916 --> 00:03:27,041
You know those strangers
you're talking about?

72
00:03:27,125 --> 00:03:29,416
They don't mind
that I get Spider-Man henna.

73
00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:32,458
They actually like the person I am.

74
00:03:32,541 --> 00:03:34,291
-[yelps]
-Ooh.

75
00:03:34,375 --> 00:03:35,833
[dog panting]

76
00:03:35,916 --> 00:03:37,666
[video game music playing]

77
00:03:39,250 --> 00:03:41,208
[player panting, grunting]

78
00:03:42,291 --> 00:03:44,500
Yes, achievement unlocked.

79
00:03:44,583 --> 00:03:47,291
Fifty grand worth of Beanie Baby NFTs.

80
00:03:49,250 --> 00:03:51,458
Oh, hey, guys. What's going on?

81
00:03:51,541 --> 00:03:54,583
Do we have a rumble today
with another gang I didn't know about?

82
00:03:54,666 --> 00:03:56,083
[motorcycle engine revving]

83
00:03:57,541 --> 00:03:59,291
Aidan? What do you want?

84
00:03:59,375 --> 00:04:02,166
Shut up, you two-faced r--r--rat boy.

85
00:04:02,250 --> 00:04:05,875
Aidan told me that you're always
making f--fun of my internet connection.

86
00:04:05,958 --> 00:04:10,208
It's not my fault
my area only has S--Spectrum.

87
00:04:10,291 --> 00:04:12,583
Aidan, that was a private convo.

88
00:04:12,666 --> 00:04:16,916
Guess you're too stupid to get it.
We're kicking you off our team.

89
00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:17,958
[dramatic tone]

90
00:04:18,875 --> 00:04:20,750
[Travis moaning, groaning]

91
00:04:25,416 --> 00:04:27,458
Even you, KingBallSack?

92
00:04:28,416 --> 00:04:29,833
[laughing]

93
00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:35,041
[grunting, crying]

94
00:04:35,125 --> 00:04:36,291
[school bell ringing]

95
00:04:39,250 --> 00:04:41,125
You turned our whole team against me?

96
00:04:41,208 --> 00:04:46,166
I've been through enough family court
to know custody is about who acts first.

97
00:04:46,250 --> 00:04:48,416
Unless both parties refuse custody,

98
00:04:48,500 --> 00:04:51,500
but then the stenographer
will usually give you a ride home.

99
00:04:51,583 --> 00:04:54,625
Face it, I won and you lost, jerk.

100
00:04:54,708 --> 00:04:58,458
[all] Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight!

101
00:04:59,083 --> 00:04:59,916
[boy] Kick his ass!

102
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,458
-[all] Fight!
-[chuckles nervously]

103
00:05:01,541 --> 00:05:03,291
Um, I don't really fight.

104
00:05:03,375 --> 00:05:06,250
Uh, I make love, not war.

105
00:05:06,333 --> 00:05:08,291
[dramatic music playing]

106
00:05:08,375 --> 00:05:11,416
[both grunting]

107
00:05:17,916 --> 00:05:19,125
[all laughing]

108
00:05:19,208 --> 00:05:20,958
[Aidan exclaims]

109
00:05:21,041 --> 00:05:21,958
[cameras clicking]

110
00:05:23,416 --> 00:05:25,666
[Aiden crying]

111
00:05:25,750 --> 00:05:27,541
[somber music playing]

112
00:05:29,041 --> 00:05:30,541
[suspenseful music playing]

113
00:05:31,166 --> 00:05:32,125
[buzzing]

114
00:05:32,208 --> 00:05:33,791
Ah, come on, seriously?

115
00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:35,916
I swear it's just the fillings.

116
00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:38,000
-[music continues]
-[Godcat panting]

117
00:05:42,583 --> 00:05:43,958
[gasping]

118
00:05:46,875 --> 00:05:48,125
Hold it right there.

119
00:05:48,833 --> 00:05:50,833
God! Um… Hi, we were just--

120
00:05:50,916 --> 00:05:53,250
I know exactly what you were just.

121
00:05:53,750 --> 00:05:55,791
You sent me to Earth
to get me out of the way,

122
00:05:55,875 --> 00:05:59,250
so you could negotiate a merger,
didn't you? Didn't you?

123
00:05:59,333 --> 00:06:01,000
Fine. You got us.

124
00:06:01,083 --> 00:06:04,000
But look, that doesn't make the reason
we sent you down any less true.

125
00:06:04,083 --> 00:06:05,000
Exactly.

126
00:06:05,083 --> 00:06:07,583
You have been phoning it in for years.

127
00:06:07,666 --> 00:06:10,750
And look at what humans did
when left to their own devices.

128
00:06:10,833 --> 00:06:14,333
They spent a decade trying
to line up candy on their phones.

129
00:06:14,416 --> 00:06:15,666
You know what?

130
00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:16,833
[breathing in deeply]

131
00:06:17,916 --> 00:06:20,166
Ooh. You're right.

132
00:06:20,250 --> 00:06:21,500
Huh?

133
00:06:21,583 --> 00:06:24,916
I saw humans going astray,
and I didn't care.

134
00:06:25,666 --> 00:06:27,875
But something happened down on Earth.

135
00:06:27,958 --> 00:06:31,500
At first, I was helping humans
just to get back up to Heaven.

136
00:06:31,583 --> 00:06:37,291
But after a while, I started to help them
because I actually cared about them.

137
00:06:37,791 --> 00:06:38,916
[shudders]

138
00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:43,875
Like, all humans? Even the ones
who take their shoes off on airplanes?

139
00:06:43,958 --> 00:06:46,291
Crazy as it seems, yeah.

140
00:06:46,916 --> 00:06:50,208
You have to care about these idiots
if you're going to help them,

141
00:06:50,708 --> 00:06:53,041
and I'm the only one who does.

142
00:06:53,125 --> 00:06:57,125
So you should pick me as the new leader.

143
00:06:57,208 --> 00:07:00,208
What? No!
He's the reason we're in this mess!

144
00:07:00,291 --> 00:07:03,708
-Just hire me and then we can--
-I think we should consider him.

145
00:07:04,416 --> 00:07:07,291
I propose we do what gods have been doing

146
00:07:07,375 --> 00:07:10,541
for control of the universe
for millions of years.

147
00:07:10,625 --> 00:07:12,083
God Games!

148
00:07:12,166 --> 00:07:13,666
[dramatic music playing]

149
00:07:13,750 --> 00:07:16,833
-[board member] You can't be serious.
-Those haven't been done in ages.

150
00:07:16,916 --> 00:07:18,333
-Think of the ratings.
-So barbaric.

151
00:07:18,416 --> 00:07:19,875
Juggernaut guaranteed.

152
00:07:19,958 --> 00:07:21,833
Could you, uh, give us a moment?

153
00:07:24,250 --> 00:07:25,708
What the heck are you doing?

154
00:07:25,791 --> 00:07:30,541
[sighs] Beelzebub,
no one in Hell respects you.

155
00:07:30,625 --> 00:07:34,125
Remember that feces sprayed on the hood
of your car in the parking lot?

156
00:07:34,833 --> 00:07:36,916
A guy in accounting did that.

157
00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:39,458
[gasps] You told me
one of the gargoyles had IBS!

158
00:07:39,541 --> 00:07:43,625
And they don't respect you
because this job was given to you.

159
00:07:43,708 --> 00:07:46,916
If you don't face legitimate competition,

160
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,125
well, it'll just be more of the same.

161
00:07:49,208 --> 00:07:50,500
It's settled.

162
00:07:50,583 --> 00:07:51,916
You two will compete.

163
00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:53,541
-[chair scrapes]
-[clears throat]

164
00:07:53,625 --> 00:07:58,125
Don't forget the other tradition
of the God Games, your mortal advisor.

165
00:07:58,208 --> 00:08:02,958
Every god contestant must work
alongside a mortal of their choice.

166
00:08:03,041 --> 00:08:06,208
Okay, here we go.
Classic two-party system.

167
00:08:06,291 --> 00:08:08,125
Why don't you change it up for once?

168
00:08:08,208 --> 00:08:11,375
Include an orthodontic enthusiast
with fresh ideas?

169
00:08:11,458 --> 00:08:13,375
Oh, for the love-- Fine.

170
00:08:13,458 --> 00:08:15,583
We'll allow a handful
of other candidates too.

171
00:08:15,666 --> 00:08:17,958
Let it be known across the universe!

172
00:08:18,041 --> 00:08:21,083
God Games shall commence!

173
00:08:21,166 --> 00:08:23,083
[echos] Commence!

174
00:08:23,166 --> 00:08:25,333
-[dramatic music playing]
-[groaning]

175
00:08:26,541 --> 00:08:28,166
[echo continues] Commence!

176
00:08:28,708 --> 00:08:29,708
[grunting]

177
00:08:29,791 --> 00:08:31,375
[echo continues] Commence!

178
00:08:31,458 --> 00:08:32,750
[grunts]

179
00:08:36,333 --> 00:08:38,291
Commence!

180
00:08:38,916 --> 00:08:41,416
You have one hour
to go back down to Earth,

181
00:08:41,500 --> 00:08:42,958
choose your mortal advisor,

182
00:08:43,041 --> 00:08:45,541
and then you'll be transported
back for the games.

183
00:08:45,625 --> 00:08:46,625
[both screaming]

184
00:08:50,375 --> 00:08:51,291
[retching]

185
00:08:51,375 --> 00:08:53,750
Ugh. Could that ride be any bumpier?

186
00:08:53,833 --> 00:08:56,083
That's the first thing I'm fixing
when I'm CEO.

187
00:08:56,166 --> 00:08:59,458
That and the stench up there,
like a rotting strawberry.

188
00:08:59,541 --> 00:09:02,833
Yeah, a fairy died
in an AC vent a few years back

189
00:09:02,916 --> 00:09:03,958
and we can't find him.

190
00:09:04,041 --> 00:09:07,541
Oh, awfully convenient that
when you're about to lose your job,

191
00:09:07,625 --> 00:09:09,208
you suddenly care about Earth.

192
00:09:09,291 --> 00:09:10,958
You're the one who invented the plague

193
00:09:11,041 --> 00:09:13,041
because you wanted to cut back
on your hours.

194
00:09:13,125 --> 00:09:16,416
Well, you're the one who tricked me
into showing you how to do a job

195
00:09:16,500 --> 00:09:18,500
you're wildly underqualified for.

196
00:09:18,583 --> 00:09:21,458
You, madam, are the Kelly to my Regis.

197
00:09:21,541 --> 00:09:22,541
[gasping]

198
00:09:22,625 --> 00:09:23,625
It's on.

199
00:09:23,708 --> 00:09:24,916
I'm gonna win this thing

200
00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:28,416
and keep you from ruining my creation,
no matter what.

201
00:09:29,291 --> 00:09:33,625
And now, I just need to find the smartest
and best human on Earth.

202
00:09:33,708 --> 00:09:36,333
Maybe a brain surgeon
or a nuclear physicist.

203
00:09:36,416 --> 00:09:38,833
Or that Papa John's guy,
you know who I mean.

204
00:09:38,916 --> 00:09:41,500
He looks like Dracula got Botox,
then drowned.

205
00:09:41,583 --> 00:09:44,583
Hey, whatcha working on?

206
00:09:44,666 --> 00:09:46,250
To combat human-driven climate change,

207
00:09:46,333 --> 00:09:48,500
I'm breeding a squirrel
that absorbs carbon.

208
00:09:48,583 --> 00:09:51,166
Only tough part is getting a squirrel
to mate with a tree.

209
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:55,166
-But I have a solution.
-Gosh, you're so smart.

210
00:09:55,250 --> 00:09:57,958
Plus, I love that outfit.
Where did you get it?

211
00:09:58,916 --> 00:10:01,583
Okay, listen. Heaven and Hell are merging.

212
00:10:01,666 --> 00:10:05,458
They're going to pick a new CEO
using an age-old God competition.

213
00:10:05,541 --> 00:10:07,958
I'm going up against Godcat
and some other candidates.

214
00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:10,833
We each get to have a human advisor,

215
00:10:10,916 --> 00:10:12,583
and I'd like you to be mine.

216
00:10:13,083 --> 00:10:15,000
Why should I help you and not Godcat?

217
00:10:15,083 --> 00:10:18,875
Okay, well, I have a bachelor's degree
in trickery and deception.

218
00:10:18,958 --> 00:10:20,000
From where?

219
00:10:20,083 --> 00:10:21,166
Arizona State.

220
00:10:21,250 --> 00:10:22,208
Pass.

221
00:10:22,291 --> 00:10:24,250
What if I put you on the board?

222
00:10:24,333 --> 00:10:26,250
You could rewrite the laws of physics

223
00:10:26,333 --> 00:10:31,333
or create those carbon squirrels
by making trees hornier. Huh? Huh?

224
00:10:31,416 --> 00:10:35,000
Well, you are a good candidate,
and Godcat hasn't been a very good leader,

225
00:10:35,083 --> 00:10:37,041
and I did like the part
where you bribed me.

226
00:10:37,125 --> 00:10:38,083
Okay, I'm in.

227
00:10:38,166 --> 00:10:39,833
[Travis screaming]

228
00:10:39,916 --> 00:10:41,125
What the hell was that?

229
00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:42,416
[ominous music playing]

230
00:10:49,250 --> 00:10:50,125
[phone beeping]

231
00:10:57,125 --> 00:10:58,625
[music continues]

232
00:10:59,166 --> 00:11:01,041
[groaning]

233
00:11:01,833 --> 00:11:03,250
[screams]

234
00:11:03,333 --> 00:11:07,083
[song playing on phone speakers]

235
00:11:12,666 --> 00:11:14,416
-[phone beeping]
-[groaning]

236
00:11:15,500 --> 00:11:17,000
[gulps]

237
00:11:19,958 --> 00:11:21,958
[ominous music playing]

238
00:11:23,750 --> 00:11:25,125
Marvelous Bulkington?

239
00:11:25,750 --> 00:11:28,083
I'm Agent Tatum. This is Agent Brown.

240
00:11:28,166 --> 00:11:29,583
We're feds.

241
00:11:29,666 --> 00:11:32,708
Feds? Like FBI agents?

242
00:11:32,791 --> 00:11:38,250
Did we say FBI? No, we're
from the Food and Drug Administration.

243
00:11:38,333 --> 00:11:41,708
We're federal agents too, you know.
The FBI doesn't own the word.

244
00:11:41,791 --> 00:11:44,958
We have reason to believe
the organic chicken meat you sell here

245
00:11:45,041 --> 00:11:46,458
is actually pigeon meat.

246
00:11:46,541 --> 00:11:49,375
What? That's absurd. I was just--

247
00:11:50,666 --> 00:11:52,083
That's not all.

248
00:11:52,166 --> 00:11:55,125
We also have reason
to believe Big Bulk is involved

249
00:11:55,208 --> 00:11:57,125
in all sorts of crimes.

250
00:11:57,208 --> 00:11:59,958
Money laundering, counterfeit cheesing,

251
00:12:00,041 --> 00:12:02,375
hard to hear loudspeakers,

252
00:12:02,458 --> 00:12:04,625
unflattering lighting!

253
00:12:04,708 --> 00:12:06,958
Are those last ones even crimes?

254
00:12:07,041 --> 00:12:10,958
[chuckling] Ooh.
Looks like we got a lawyer on our hands.

255
00:12:11,041 --> 00:12:14,833
Well, counselor, I'll have you know
those are drummed-up charges,

256
00:12:14,916 --> 00:12:16,333
which are the worst kind.

257
00:12:16,916 --> 00:12:21,000
But we'll consider dropping them
if you're willing to… cooperate.

258
00:12:21,083 --> 00:12:22,625
Me, cooperate?

259
00:12:22,708 --> 00:12:26,458
Well, Mr. Bulkington,
you're CEO, aren't you?

260
00:12:26,541 --> 00:12:29,083
Then the buck stops with you.

261
00:12:29,166 --> 00:12:31,833
Now, we have a warrant here
to search the premises,

262
00:12:31,916 --> 00:12:35,291
and, uh… Ugh! You didn't get it signed!

263
00:12:35,375 --> 00:12:38,166
Oh. So now I'm in charge
of the a cappella group

264
00:12:38,250 --> 00:12:39,666
and getting warrants signed?

265
00:12:39,750 --> 00:12:41,125
Well, this is a bit awkward,

266
00:12:41,208 --> 00:12:45,333
but you wouldn't be willing
to let us look around without a warrant,

267
00:12:45,416 --> 00:12:48,625
would you? To like, uh, do us a solid?

268
00:12:48,708 --> 00:12:50,916
Um… No?

269
00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:53,083
We'll be back in the morning.

270
00:12:57,708 --> 00:12:58,916
[gasping]

271
00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:03,625
Oh, no. Here's another handwritten receipt
from Big Bulk to Herb Bulkington.

272
00:13:03,708 --> 00:13:07,791
This one is for ten thousand copies
of an album called Rhythm in Bulk.

273
00:13:07,875 --> 00:13:12,250
And you better sit down for this one.
The store paid a million bucks for it.

274
00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:14,333
Well, it's very listenable.

275
00:13:14,416 --> 00:13:17,958
Oh man, this is bad.
The feds are coming back in the morning.

276
00:13:18,041 --> 00:13:20,125
If there's anything
that incriminates Big Bulk,

277
00:13:20,208 --> 00:13:22,166
we got to find it before--

278
00:13:22,250 --> 00:13:23,250
[knocking on door]

279
00:13:23,333 --> 00:13:26,000
Hi, hon. I brought ice cream.

280
00:13:26,500 --> 00:13:28,708
Whoa. What happened in here?

281
00:13:28,791 --> 00:13:33,000
Um, oh, nothing you should be compelled
to acknowledge knowing about under oath.

282
00:13:33,083 --> 00:13:35,291
I mean,
this is just how Dad kept his office.

283
00:13:35,375 --> 00:13:36,875
Isn't that right, Percy?

284
00:13:36,958 --> 00:13:40,500
I have never been in this office,
nor am I here now. Excuse me.

285
00:13:42,875 --> 00:13:44,083
What was that about?

286
00:13:44,166 --> 00:13:47,583
Oh, you know Percy.
Lost his arm in a trash compactor.

287
00:13:47,666 --> 00:13:50,416
Lost his mind
huffing Glade plugins. [chuckles]

288
00:13:50,500 --> 00:13:52,958
This isn't a great time, Abbie.
You should go.

289
00:13:53,041 --> 00:13:55,583
Marv, honey, I owe you an apology.

290
00:13:55,666 --> 00:13:57,833
Accepted. Okay, I should get back--

291
00:13:58,625 --> 00:13:59,625
[sighing]

292
00:13:59,708 --> 00:14:00,958
When we got married,

293
00:14:01,041 --> 00:14:04,208
I figured we'd be one of those fun,
exciting couples,

294
00:14:04,291 --> 00:14:08,458
like Mr. and Mrs. Smith or Bones
and her boyfriend with the giant face.

295
00:14:08,541 --> 00:14:10,041
And over time,

296
00:14:10,125 --> 00:14:14,375
I got frustrated I wasn't accomplishing
Mission Perfect Marriage.

297
00:14:14,458 --> 00:14:18,041
And now
I'm seeing how far we've drifted apart,

298
00:14:18,125 --> 00:14:22,291
but I want us to drift back to each other
because I love you.

299
00:14:22,375 --> 00:14:24,416
-[sighing]
-[soft music playing]

300
00:14:25,791 --> 00:14:28,250
Okay. Drive safe. Bye-bye, now.

301
00:14:31,416 --> 00:14:32,791
[sighing]

302
00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:37,166
-[rustling]
-[ominous music playing]

303
00:14:37,250 --> 00:14:38,208
Hmm.

304
00:14:46,291 --> 00:14:47,666
[screaming]

305
00:14:47,750 --> 00:14:51,041
[gasping, grunting]

306
00:14:51,666 --> 00:14:52,583
[burping]

307
00:14:52,666 --> 00:14:55,041
I shouldn't have had
Korean tacos for lunch.

308
00:14:56,125 --> 00:14:58,000
[epic music playing]

309
00:15:09,541 --> 00:15:10,541
[music stops abruptly]

310
00:15:11,125 --> 00:15:13,500
Oh, would you come on already?

311
00:15:14,708 --> 00:15:17,541
[Travis groaning]

312
00:15:17,625 --> 00:15:22,208
For the last time, I don't wanna be
in some stupid competition!

313
00:15:22,291 --> 00:15:25,625
There's an online petition
to have my citizenship revoked.

314
00:15:25,708 --> 00:15:27,083
Where would I go?

315
00:15:27,166 --> 00:15:30,916
I don't speak Spanish at all,
and I can barely speak Cuban.

316
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:33,458
-[mystical music playing]
-[unicorns neighing]

317
00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:38,458
Now you listen to me, young man.

318
00:15:38,541 --> 00:15:42,875
You've got all the traits we need
to win this thing. You're good at games.

319
00:15:42,958 --> 00:15:48,833
You're free for the next couple of hours.
You're currently near me. You can do this!

320
00:15:48,916 --> 00:15:49,875
What do you say?

321
00:15:49,958 --> 00:15:50,833
[sighing]

322
00:15:52,750 --> 00:15:54,875
[grunting] Up you get.

323
00:15:55,375 --> 00:15:57,333
[grunting continues]

324
00:15:58,416 --> 00:16:00,500
-[mystical music playing]
-[unicorns neighing]

325
00:16:01,666 --> 00:16:07,750
[all chanting] God Games! God Games!
God Games! God Games! God Games!

326
00:16:07,833 --> 00:16:11,166
God Games! God Games! God Games!

327
00:16:11,250 --> 00:16:13,250
[perilous music playing]

328
00:16:14,166 --> 00:16:15,583
[growling]

329
00:16:23,500 --> 00:16:26,166
[groaning]

330
00:16:26,250 --> 00:16:28,250
Rudolph, with your nose so bright,

331
00:16:28,833 --> 00:16:31,791
won't you eat my fists tonight?

332
00:16:31,875 --> 00:16:35,500
For your sake, I hope they have
a good funeral home in Flavortown.

333
00:16:35,583 --> 00:16:36,791
[chuckles]

334
00:16:38,791 --> 00:16:39,791
[growling]

335
00:16:39,875 --> 00:16:40,958
[growling]

336
00:16:44,500 --> 00:16:47,416
Welcome to God Games!

337
00:16:47,500 --> 00:16:53,500
The ultimate test of the qualifications
of a deity in mind and spirit.

338
00:16:53,583 --> 00:16:55,250
Now let the games begin.

339
00:16:55,333 --> 00:16:57,333
-[buzzer blaring]
-[people cheering]

340
00:16:57,416 --> 00:16:59,666
[dramatic music continues]

341
00:17:00,333 --> 00:17:01,166
[screaming]

342
00:17:08,083 --> 00:17:10,083
[music continues]

343
00:17:10,166 --> 00:17:11,000
[ax swishing]

344
00:17:13,125 --> 00:17:15,125
[screeching]

345
00:17:20,166 --> 00:17:21,291
[screaming]

346
00:17:23,541 --> 00:17:26,125
Whoa-ho! Good advising, Travis. Well done.

347
00:17:26,208 --> 00:17:28,000
-[roaring]
-[grunts]

348
00:17:28,791 --> 00:17:29,625
[gasping]

349
00:17:30,208 --> 00:17:31,041
-[grunts]
-[yelps]

350
00:17:32,166 --> 00:17:33,041
[grunting]

351
00:17:33,125 --> 00:17:36,666
Strange, without any calculating,
I just felt this urge to save you.

352
00:17:36,750 --> 00:17:38,041
Huh!

353
00:17:38,125 --> 00:17:39,500
[growling]

354
00:17:40,875 --> 00:17:43,125
-[screaming]
-[roaring]

355
00:17:44,041 --> 00:17:45,250
[stomach grumbling]

356
00:17:45,333 --> 00:17:46,333
[sword swishing]

357
00:17:47,708 --> 00:17:49,541
[yelling]

358
00:17:50,750 --> 00:17:54,833
[crowd chanting] God Games! God Games!
God Games! God Games! God Games!

359
00:17:54,916 --> 00:17:55,791
[bell ringing]

360
00:17:55,875 --> 00:17:58,041
["You're the Best"
by Joe "Bean" Esposito playing]

361
00:17:58,125 --> 00:17:59,666
♪ And a man's gotta learn to take it… ♪

362
00:17:59,750 --> 00:18:00,625
[grunts]

363
00:18:00,708 --> 00:18:03,125
♪ Try to believe
Though the going gets rough ♪

364
00:18:03,208 --> 00:18:05,500
♪ That you gotta hang tough to make it… ♪

365
00:18:05,583 --> 00:18:08,166
Not like this. Not again!

366
00:18:08,250 --> 00:18:10,375
-[screams]
-[bell dings]

367
00:18:11,166 --> 00:18:15,333
♪ Never doubt that you're the one
And you can have your dreams… ♪

368
00:18:15,416 --> 00:18:16,791
♪ You're the best around… ♪

369
00:18:16,875 --> 00:18:18,791
Great British Bake-Off?

370
00:18:18,875 --> 00:18:19,833
Humans love it.

371
00:18:19,916 --> 00:18:21,708
Guess it's like a cozy blanket

372
00:18:21,791 --> 00:18:25,750
when your planet is full
of wildfires and monkeypox…

373
00:18:25,833 --> 00:18:28,458
♪ You're the best around ♪

374
00:18:29,041 --> 00:18:31,541
♪ Nothing's gonna ever keep you down… ♪

375
00:18:31,625 --> 00:18:33,125
[crowd cheering]

376
00:18:36,500 --> 00:18:37,416
♪ Fight 'til the end… ♪

377
00:18:37,500 --> 00:18:38,333
[bell dings]

378
00:18:38,916 --> 00:18:41,208
♪ On the strength
That you have inside you ♪

379
00:18:41,291 --> 00:18:43,958
♪ Ah, gotta be proud
Standing out in the crowd ♪

380
00:18:44,041 --> 00:18:46,583
♪ When the odds and the game defy you ♪

381
00:18:46,666 --> 00:18:49,750
♪ Try your best to win them all
And one day time will tell …♪

382
00:18:49,833 --> 00:18:51,541
[crowd booing]

383
00:18:51,625 --> 00:18:53,625
♪ When you're the one
That's standing there ♪

384
00:18:53,708 --> 00:18:54,958
[both yell]

385
00:18:55,041 --> 00:18:56,458
[bell dings]

386
00:18:56,541 --> 00:18:57,875
♪ You're the best… ♪

387
00:18:57,958 --> 00:18:58,791
Yeah!

388
00:18:59,625 --> 00:19:01,708
♪ Nothing's gonna ever keep you down ♪

389
00:19:01,791 --> 00:19:04,208
♪ You're the best around… ♪

390
00:19:05,416 --> 00:19:06,541
Flavortown!

391
00:19:07,291 --> 00:19:08,500
Donkey sauce!

392
00:19:08,583 --> 00:19:09,708
[screaming]

393
00:19:09,791 --> 00:19:15,500
♪ Nothing's gonna ever keep you down… ♪

394
00:19:16,041 --> 00:19:17,125
[bell ringing]

395
00:19:22,708 --> 00:19:25,375
[mumbling, groaning]

396
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:29,000
Mmm, mmm, mmm.

397
00:19:34,833 --> 00:19:36,250
[Aslandeus] That's it, folks.

398
00:19:36,333 --> 00:19:39,125
We're down to our last two competitors
who'll compete in the finale

399
00:19:39,208 --> 00:19:40,416
for all the marbles.

400
00:19:40,500 --> 00:19:44,583
We are going to take a short intermission,
so go refill your sixteen-dollar beers.

401
00:19:44,666 --> 00:19:46,083
You won't wanna miss this.

402
00:19:46,791 --> 00:19:47,708
[crowd] Yeah!

403
00:19:47,791 --> 00:19:50,083
♪ You're the best around ♪

404
00:19:50,166 --> 00:19:52,541
♪ Nothing's gonna ever keep you down… ♪

405
00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:53,541
[stomach rumbling]

406
00:19:53,625 --> 00:19:55,833
[burping, gulping]

407
00:20:02,250 --> 00:20:03,375
Abbie?

408
00:20:03,458 --> 00:20:05,833
-[ominous music playing]
-[grunting]

409
00:20:05,916 --> 00:20:07,291
[bushes rustling]

410
00:20:07,375 --> 00:20:08,500
Who's there?

411
00:20:10,625 --> 00:20:12,333
-[screaming]
-[body thuds]

412
00:20:13,291 --> 00:20:14,500
[sinister music playing]

413
00:20:15,500 --> 00:20:16,666
Herb?

414
00:20:16,750 --> 00:20:19,916
God, what a year it's been.

415
00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:24,000
One minute you pass out with a DiGiorno
in the oven and burn down Heaven,

416
00:20:24,083 --> 00:20:26,750
and the next you're competing
to be CEO again.

417
00:20:26,833 --> 00:20:29,458
How have you made it this far
in the competition?

418
00:20:29,541 --> 00:20:32,458
First and foremost,
my faith in me. I am good,

419
00:20:32,541 --> 00:20:35,750
and I don't give myself anything more
than I can handle in one day.

420
00:20:35,833 --> 00:20:38,375
I'm also currently on steroids

421
00:20:38,458 --> 00:20:41,958
to treat the worms I got
from lick-washing my genitals. [laughs]

422
00:20:42,041 --> 00:20:43,375
That's great.

423
00:20:43,875 --> 00:20:47,291
And Beelzebub, big year for Hell too.

424
00:20:47,375 --> 00:20:50,041
You launched a new non-alcoholic vodka.

425
00:20:50,125 --> 00:20:52,375
Your company, Spirit Airlines,

426
00:20:52,458 --> 00:20:54,958
started packing children
into overhead bins.

427
00:20:55,041 --> 00:20:58,166
Then you're sent to Earth in a cat's body.

428
00:20:58,250 --> 00:21:01,125
I have to ask, who dressed you tonight?

429
00:21:01,208 --> 00:21:04,041
Are you serious?
That's the question you're asking me?

430
00:21:04,125 --> 00:21:06,041
Okay, I think we got it. Thanks.

431
00:21:06,541 --> 00:21:07,958
[male voice] Yeah!

432
00:21:08,041 --> 00:21:09,250
[crowd cheering]

433
00:21:09,833 --> 00:21:11,416
[sighing] Good job.

434
00:21:11,500 --> 00:21:12,541
You too.

435
00:21:13,125 --> 00:21:16,041
Look, whatever happens out there,
if I win,

436
00:21:16,125 --> 00:21:19,083
there'll always be a place for you
in the company.

437
00:21:19,166 --> 00:21:22,125
-Do you know anything about running HR?
-Don't be an idiot.

438
00:21:22,208 --> 00:21:24,625
You can't have me around
if you're running things

439
00:21:24,708 --> 00:21:25,666
and vice versa.

440
00:21:26,166 --> 00:21:28,125
So this is…

441
00:21:28,208 --> 00:21:31,083
Yes, this is it…

442
00:21:31,791 --> 00:21:33,791
like it it.

443
00:21:35,416 --> 00:21:36,500
Okay. Let's focus.

444
00:21:36,583 --> 00:21:39,333
I've cross-referenced every competition
in the God Games archives.

445
00:21:39,416 --> 00:21:42,625
Typically, the final event involves
a team challenge with your advisor.

446
00:21:42,708 --> 00:21:44,666
Famously, Hercules was teamed
with a pterodactyl

447
00:21:44,750 --> 00:21:45,875
who chewed his legs off.

448
00:21:45,958 --> 00:21:48,250
-Now, I think we should--
-[retching]

449
00:21:49,041 --> 00:21:50,541
Why do you keep vomiting?

450
00:21:50,625 --> 00:21:53,416
I don't know.
I've been feeling off for a while.

451
00:21:53,500 --> 00:21:56,708
I keep throwing up,
my nipples are sore and discolored.

452
00:21:56,791 --> 00:22:00,583
I'm bloated. I missed my period.
Must be a virus going around.

453
00:22:00,666 --> 00:22:02,375
Um… Or you're pregnant?

454
00:22:02,458 --> 00:22:03,708
Geez. How bad was that Incubus

455
00:22:03,791 --> 00:22:05,875
at describing the birds
and the bees to you?

456
00:22:05,958 --> 00:22:09,000
[chuckling] Pregnant? That is insane.

457
00:22:09,083 --> 00:22:11,500
I can't be pregnant. I haven't even…

458
00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:12,833
Oh no.

459
00:22:12,916 --> 00:22:15,000
["Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol playing]

460
00:22:15,083 --> 00:22:16,750
♪ If I lay here… ♪

461
00:22:17,458 --> 00:22:18,541
[giggling]

462
00:22:19,250 --> 00:22:21,416
♪ If I just lay here… ♪

463
00:22:21,500 --> 00:22:23,166
Oh God.

464
00:22:24,041 --> 00:22:25,625
[mysterious tone]

465
00:22:29,166 --> 00:22:31,166
[closing theme music playing]

466
00:23:18,166 --> 00:23:19,041
[music ends]