1
00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:15,125
Okay. This bill mandates that all locker
rooms contain naked, talkative old men.

2
00:00:15,625 --> 00:00:18,125
Oh. This one's
an executive order requiring

3
00:00:18,208 --> 00:00:20,916
dubstep always be played at full volume.

4
00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:24,166
Oh, this renews our lease agreement
with SeaWorld.

5
00:00:24,250 --> 00:00:26,458
You see, Hell's become so overcrowded

6
00:00:26,541 --> 00:00:29,166
we started outsourcing
our extra souls there.

7
00:00:29,250 --> 00:00:30,916
Put them into the bodies of marine life.

8
00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:34,625
Enough! Why were you cavorting
with the cherubs yesterday?

9
00:00:34,708 --> 00:00:36,875
What? Why, I have no idea that--

10
00:00:36,958 --> 00:00:38,958
[growling, roaring]

11
00:00:40,125 --> 00:00:41,208
Okay! Okay!

12
00:00:41,291 --> 00:00:43,500
The truth is, since you've been away,

13
00:00:43,583 --> 00:00:48,458
the boards of Heaven and Hell
have been negotiating a, well, a merger.

14
00:00:48,541 --> 00:00:50,416
A merger with Heaven?

15
00:00:50,500 --> 00:00:52,458
I can see Hell merging
with the Kardashians

16
00:00:52,541 --> 00:00:56,333
or the Dallas Cowboys,
but Heaven is our direct competition.

17
00:00:56,416 --> 00:01:00,375
Heaven's numbers are down,
so Hell is becoming totally overcrowded.

18
00:01:00,458 --> 00:01:02,791
We have a short list of CEO candidates.

19
00:01:02,875 --> 00:01:04,250
Father Time, Dracula,

20
00:01:04,333 --> 00:01:06,291
and there's this Kraken
we've had our eye on.

21
00:01:06,375 --> 00:01:10,291
Listen to me. You tell the board
that my name is also going on that list,

22
00:01:10,375 --> 00:01:14,250
or I'll turn your pelvis
into a pasta strainer. Understand?

23
00:01:14,333 --> 00:01:18,250
Actually, there is a way
for you to get on the board's good side.

24
00:01:19,125 --> 00:01:20,791
We're having issues at SeaWorld.

25
00:01:20,875 --> 00:01:24,541
Some of the more challenging souls
are creating problems there.

26
00:01:24,625 --> 00:01:26,458
So, if you were to go there

27
00:01:26,541 --> 00:01:28,416
and convince them
to quit destroying the place,

28
00:01:28,500 --> 00:01:30,833
well, that'd give you a leg up
on the competition.

29
00:01:30,916 --> 00:01:32,250
I don't know, Slagnar.

30
00:01:32,333 --> 00:01:34,791
Getting people to listen to me
isn't really my strong suit,

31
00:01:34,875 --> 00:01:37,291
but I guess I could-- Whoa. Whoa!

32
00:01:37,375 --> 00:01:38,708
Oops. Sorry.

33
00:01:38,791 --> 00:01:42,125
The wifey must've slipped that in there
as a little treat for the old man.

34
00:01:42,208 --> 00:01:44,208
[theme music playing]

35
00:01:52,666 --> 00:01:53,833
Om.

36
00:01:54,500 --> 00:01:56,416
Om.

37
00:01:56,500 --> 00:01:59,000
Your online troll nemesis
finally broke your brain, huh?

38
00:01:59,083 --> 00:02:02,166
Nope, I've just decided
to spend less time online.

39
00:02:02,250 --> 00:02:03,375
Here in real life,

40
00:02:03,458 --> 00:02:06,833
my troll has no access
to the fun happy upstairs fortress.

41
00:02:06,916 --> 00:02:09,666
-That's what I call my brain now.
-This just came for you.

42
00:02:10,333 --> 00:02:11,500
[Travis] Ugh!

43
00:02:11,583 --> 00:02:12,666
“Horky Porker."

44
00:02:12,750 --> 00:02:14,250
"You’re dead meat."

45
00:02:14,333 --> 00:02:17,833
"You can leave the internet,
but you can’t hide from me."

46
00:02:17,916 --> 00:02:19,958
"boobwizard_420”.

47
00:02:20,041 --> 00:02:23,125
I've been doxxed!

48
00:02:27,166 --> 00:02:28,166
[sighing]

49
00:02:28,250 --> 00:02:31,291
[Abbie] Oh. That's it. Right there.

50
00:02:31,375 --> 00:02:33,583
[both grunting]

51
00:02:33,666 --> 00:02:34,958
[sighing]

52
00:02:35,041 --> 00:02:36,833
What's going on?

53
00:02:36,916 --> 00:02:40,541
Abbie slipped a disc getting a python out
of a soft serve machine,

54
00:02:40,625 --> 00:02:42,833
and no, that's not slang
for intercourse with Marv.

55
00:02:42,916 --> 00:02:45,166
That's way better. Hmm.

56
00:02:45,250 --> 00:02:47,208
-Thanks, Godcat.
-My pleasure.

57
00:02:47,291 --> 00:02:49,458
Let me know
if you need help with your hair,

58
00:02:49,541 --> 00:02:52,916
or the bags under your eyes.
We're all thinking it, Frumple-stiltskin.

59
00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:54,083
[panting]

60
00:02:54,166 --> 00:02:56,458
Abbie! Cats! Guess what?

61
00:02:56,541 --> 00:03:00,000
Last year, Herb commissioned
the world's bulkiest luxury blimp,

62
00:03:00,083 --> 00:03:03,875
and tonight he's christening it
with a soirée in the sky.

63
00:03:03,958 --> 00:03:06,791
And since I'm the new GM,
we get to go, Abbie.

64
00:03:06,875 --> 00:03:10,416
It's Saturday. On Saturdays,
you go to the Game Café all day,

65
00:03:10,500 --> 00:03:12,833
and I curl up
with an edible and watch Hereditary.

66
00:03:12,916 --> 00:03:15,083
Well, normally I'd never ask you,

67
00:03:15,166 --> 00:03:17,958
but all the execs
are bringing their spouses.

68
00:03:18,041 --> 00:03:19,541
I really need you there.

69
00:03:19,625 --> 00:03:22,083
Tell you what, if I go to your work thing,

70
00:03:22,166 --> 00:03:24,958
then you have to come
to my Animal Control holiday party.

71
00:03:25,041 --> 00:03:28,458
We lost our Santa guy to a bobcat,
and you're about the same size.

72
00:03:28,541 --> 00:03:30,083
Deal. Thanks, hon.

73
00:03:30,583 --> 00:03:33,500
Hmm. The invite says black tie.

74
00:03:33,583 --> 00:03:36,291
Ah, we better go air out my dress Crocs.

75
00:03:36,375 --> 00:03:38,041
What's up with the notes?

76
00:03:38,125 --> 00:03:42,041
Oh. I have to make an appearance
for some Hell-folk here on Earth.

77
00:03:42,125 --> 00:03:43,666
I'm having trouble with my speech.

78
00:03:43,750 --> 00:03:47,208
It's kind of motivational,
and that's not really my wheelhouse.

79
00:03:47,291 --> 00:03:49,166
If you want, I can go with you.

80
00:03:49,250 --> 00:03:51,416
I'm great at motivating people
to do stuff.

81
00:03:51,500 --> 00:03:54,250
Uh, it wouldn't really be appropriate
for you to come.

82
00:03:54,333 --> 00:03:59,125
Oh, come on, I'm in a helping mood.
Here. What about this as an opener?

83
00:03:59,791 --> 00:04:03,625
"Hey, who here is from out of town?"
Damn, that's actually really good.

84
00:04:03,708 --> 00:04:06,291
All right. Maybe it would be nice
to have you there to help me.

85
00:04:06,375 --> 00:04:09,000
Great. So where are we going?

86
00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:11,750
[both screaming]

87
00:04:11,833 --> 00:04:13,041
[gasping]

88
00:04:13,125 --> 00:04:17,708
Human souls trapped inside of dolphins,
trapped inside of glass boxes.

89
00:04:17,791 --> 00:04:20,083
That's horrific, even for Hell.

90
00:04:20,166 --> 00:04:22,250
If you think that's evil,
check out the food court.

91
00:04:22,333 --> 00:04:24,375
The options are clam chowder
or Sbarro Pizza.

92
00:04:24,458 --> 00:04:25,291
[groans]

93
00:04:25,375 --> 00:04:26,916
Okay, let's see who's who.

94
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:29,500
So that pod of dolphins
were once Mongolian warlords.

95
00:04:29,583 --> 00:04:32,166
See the sea lions over there?
Manson family.

96
00:04:32,250 --> 00:04:35,291
And drumroll, please.
Christopher Columbus!

97
00:04:35,375 --> 00:04:36,250
[guitar strums]

98
00:04:36,333 --> 00:04:37,666
My bosses asked me to come here

99
00:04:37,750 --> 00:04:39,875
and scare them straight
before they destroy the place.

100
00:04:39,958 --> 00:04:41,458
[man shouting]

101
00:04:42,041 --> 00:04:43,291
[dramatic music playing]

102
00:04:43,833 --> 00:04:44,666
[man screams]

103
00:04:44,750 --> 00:04:46,916
[screaming] Let's just get out of here.

104
00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:48,916
These guys aren't gonna
listen to me anyhow.

105
00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:51,791
No. You came here to do a job.

106
00:04:51,875 --> 00:04:54,750
You've got this. Come on, I'll help you.

107
00:04:55,250 --> 00:04:56,833
[violin music playing]

108
00:05:03,125 --> 00:05:05,416
-Marv, my boy, you made it.
-Ooh!

109
00:05:05,500 --> 00:05:07,833
This must be the wife. Abbie, right?

110
00:05:07,916 --> 00:05:10,625
Oh, uh, Marv, come meet the bigwigs.

111
00:05:10,708 --> 00:05:15,333
This is our CFO, CTO,
oh, and this is Richard, our CHO.

112
00:05:15,416 --> 00:05:17,291
That's Chief Hair Officer.

113
00:05:17,375 --> 00:05:21,333
Every exec gets access to him.
He's our private hair coach.

114
00:05:21,416 --> 00:05:24,208
Call me when you're ready
to let that tiger out of the cage, huh?

115
00:05:24,291 --> 00:05:25,458
[snarling]

116
00:05:25,541 --> 00:05:27,416
Marv's a total savant.

117
00:05:27,500 --> 00:05:31,666
Once we had an expired shipment
of Sriracha aioli due for inspection.

118
00:05:31,750 --> 00:05:34,958
Marv took one for the team
and drank every last bottle.

119
00:05:35,041 --> 00:05:36,625
-[gulping]
-[Herb] Saved our asses.

120
00:05:37,208 --> 00:05:39,041
Ha. And demolished mine.

121
00:05:39,125 --> 00:05:42,458
I had six colonoscopies after that.

122
00:05:42,541 --> 00:05:43,916
-[all laughing]
-Ha! Whoo!

123
00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:44,833
[smacks back]

124
00:05:44,916 --> 00:05:48,500
Herb, any chance we could land this thing
at the nearest Buffalo Wild Wings

125
00:05:48,583 --> 00:05:49,583
and let me off?

126
00:05:49,666 --> 00:05:51,458
[chuckling] Oh, I get it, Abbie.

127
00:05:51,541 --> 00:05:55,000
You don't wanna sit here
and listen to us windbags, do you?

128
00:05:55,083 --> 00:05:58,625
You'd have more fun
on the Lido Deck with the other wifeys.

129
00:05:59,750 --> 00:06:01,666
Roxanne. Roxy.

130
00:06:03,083 --> 00:06:07,041
Roxy, this is Abbie. I want you
to take extra special care of her.

131
00:06:07,125 --> 00:06:08,708
Sure thing, darling.

132
00:06:08,791 --> 00:06:09,916
Come on, Abbie.

133
00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:10,875
[Abbie] Hmph!

134
00:06:10,958 --> 00:06:11,958
Hmm?

135
00:06:12,541 --> 00:06:16,416
Sure, Roxy. I'm so excited
to be spending my Saturday night

136
00:06:16,500 --> 00:06:18,916
in a floating prison for wives.

137
00:06:20,375 --> 00:06:22,291
[Greta] Okay, let's catch this doxxer.

138
00:06:22,791 --> 00:06:26,375
Hmm. Manual emoticon,
outdated colloquialisms.

139
00:06:26,458 --> 00:06:29,333
No one says "homie" anymore.
Reads like a Boomer.

140
00:06:29,416 --> 00:06:31,125
Let's check their IP address.

141
00:06:31,208 --> 00:06:32,666
Argh!

142
00:06:32,750 --> 00:06:35,583
Oh, careful. Aidan wipes his boogers
behind the monitor

143
00:06:35,666 --> 00:06:37,416
when he thinks I'm not looking.
[chuckling]

144
00:06:37,500 --> 00:06:39,083
[computer beeping]

145
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,166
[theme of Stranger Things playing]

146
00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:44,541
-[keyboard clacking]
-[slurping]

147
00:06:54,125 --> 00:06:55,625
[music ends]

148
00:06:55,708 --> 00:06:57,250
Now can we just Goorgl it?

149
00:06:57,333 --> 00:07:00,875
Ugh, fine. Kids nowadays
wanna do everything the easy way.

150
00:07:01,375 --> 00:07:03,125
[keys clacking]

151
00:07:04,708 --> 00:07:06,500
Hi, I'm Dr. Ace Fabian,

152
00:07:06,583 --> 00:07:08,000
breast augmentation specialist

153
00:07:08,083 --> 00:07:11,458
and Horkville's most affordable
plastic surgeon, three years running.

154
00:07:11,541 --> 00:07:14,458
That's why they call me "the wizard."

155
00:07:14,958 --> 00:07:16,791
More like "the boob wizard."

156
00:07:16,875 --> 00:07:18,208
[theme of Stranger Things playing]

157
00:07:18,291 --> 00:07:22,166
Welcome to the Spouse Zone. Originally,
we were going to call it the Wife Hole,

158
00:07:22,250 --> 00:07:25,583
but there's a club in Germany
that owns that domain name.

159
00:07:25,666 --> 00:07:27,666
-We have CrossFit, ceramics.
-[grunting]

160
00:07:27,750 --> 00:07:31,166
There's even an area where you
can practice yelling at your gardener.

161
00:07:31,250 --> 00:07:36,625
Benji, if the rabbits eat the poppies,
what's the sense in planting them?

162
00:07:36,708 --> 00:07:38,458
A crossbow range?

163
00:07:38,541 --> 00:07:41,708
Wow, this place is cooler than I expected.

164
00:07:41,791 --> 00:07:44,166
Of course!
What did you think we were gonna do?

165
00:07:44,250 --> 00:07:46,250
Spend quality time
with the people we married?

166
00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:47,708
[all laughing]

167
00:07:49,416 --> 00:07:50,833
So what should we do?

168
00:07:50,916 --> 00:07:53,833
Whatever you want. It's Abbie time!

169
00:07:53,916 --> 00:07:54,958
[seals barking]

170
00:07:55,041 --> 00:07:57,125
Now, remember, big smile,

171
00:07:57,208 --> 00:07:58,833
lots of eye contact,

172
00:07:58,916 --> 00:08:00,833
friendly but terrifying.

173
00:08:00,916 --> 00:08:03,416
Think Rachel Ray with a hint of Putin.

174
00:08:04,208 --> 00:08:05,958
-[mic feedback]
-[Devilcat] Mmm.

175
00:08:07,541 --> 00:08:11,250
Uh, hello. For those of you
who don't know me, I'm Beelzebub,

176
00:08:11,333 --> 00:08:12,791
CEO of Hell.

177
00:08:12,875 --> 00:08:16,291
But don't worry, I'm not here to bug you
about your time cards.

178
00:08:16,375 --> 00:08:19,125
-[snarling]
-[chuckles] I do have a request.

179
00:08:19,208 --> 00:08:20,500
It seems we've had complaints

180
00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:23,291
that you've been
just a scooch out of line,

181
00:08:23,375 --> 00:08:25,500
and as your supreme leader,

182
00:08:25,583 --> 00:08:28,666
I must have to ask you all
to please… behave?

183
00:08:28,750 --> 00:08:31,250
-Okay.
-Yeah. We'll do that.

184
00:08:31,333 --> 00:08:33,000
[all laughing, moaning]

185
00:08:33,083 --> 00:08:35,208
You can't keep us trapped in here.

186
00:08:36,625 --> 00:08:38,833
You can't just ask them
to change their behavior,

187
00:08:38,916 --> 00:08:41,083
you have to motivate them to do it.

188
00:08:41,166 --> 00:08:42,291
Here, watch.

189
00:08:42,875 --> 00:08:43,708
"Trapped."

190
00:08:43,791 --> 00:08:46,208
That's an interesting choice of words… Um…

191
00:08:46,833 --> 00:08:48,250
Larry. It's Larry.

192
00:08:48,333 --> 00:08:50,833
Larry, I'm gonna level with you, Larry.

193
00:08:50,916 --> 00:08:52,625
I'm a little trapped myself.

194
00:08:52,708 --> 00:08:56,958
I may look like a cat,
but I'm actually God trapped in this body.

195
00:08:57,041 --> 00:09:00,041
[all laughing]

196
00:09:00,125 --> 00:09:01,250
It's true.

197
00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:05,333
Heaven sent me here as punishment.
Oh, if you could've seen me before…

198
00:09:05,416 --> 00:09:07,458
Washboard abs, swollen pecs,

199
00:09:07,541 --> 00:09:09,291
buns that refused to quit.

200
00:09:09,375 --> 00:09:12,083
But now I'm
basically a mitten with an anus.

201
00:09:12,166 --> 00:09:14,708
So tell me,
what did you do to end up here, Larry?

202
00:09:14,791 --> 00:09:16,416
I robbed a bunch of banks.

203
00:09:16,500 --> 00:09:17,875
Mmm. Mm-hmm.

204
00:09:17,958 --> 00:09:21,208
-And why'd you do that?
-Because that's where they keep the money.

205
00:09:21,291 --> 00:09:23,541
Ooh. [laughing]

206
00:09:24,791 --> 00:09:26,583
[somber music playing]

207
00:09:26,666 --> 00:09:30,000
I guess the trouble started
right after my dad died. But-- [sniffles]

208
00:09:30,083 --> 00:09:31,000
Sorry.

209
00:09:31,083 --> 00:09:34,458
Ran with the wrong crowd.
Started shopping at Hobby Lobby.

210
00:09:34,541 --> 00:09:37,708
One thing led to another, and, uh,
well, here we are.

211
00:09:37,791 --> 00:09:40,416
And here we are.

212
00:09:40,500 --> 00:09:43,208
But maybe we aren't trapped.

213
00:09:43,291 --> 00:09:46,875
Maybe our situation is what we make of it.

214
00:09:46,958 --> 00:09:48,500
Everyone, give it up for Larry.

215
00:09:48,583 --> 00:09:50,208
[all cheering, clapping]

216
00:09:50,291 --> 00:09:51,375
[music brightens]

217
00:09:54,125 --> 00:09:55,125
[music ends]

218
00:09:56,333 --> 00:09:57,875
Okay, fun happy upstairs fortress,

219
00:09:57,958 --> 00:10:02,000
save these images
for fun happy downstairs fortress.

220
00:10:02,916 --> 00:10:04,458
Now remember, for the next week,

221
00:10:04,541 --> 00:10:07,291
point your breasts
away from open flames or loud noises.

222
00:10:07,958 --> 00:10:13,666
Hello. My, what beautiful children…
you could be at a reasonable price.

223
00:10:13,750 --> 00:10:15,708
Dr. Fabian,
we're conducting an investigation,

224
00:10:15,791 --> 00:10:17,416
and we have a few questions for you.

225
00:10:17,500 --> 00:10:19,041
Where were you this morning?

226
00:10:19,125 --> 00:10:21,833
Oh. This morning. Well, let's see.

227
00:10:21,916 --> 00:10:25,541
Calf implant, nipple-graft,
deposition, deposition.

228
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:29,833
Then I was in surgery,
elbow deep in some juicy honkers!

229
00:10:29,916 --> 00:10:32,041
-Ooh.
-[both groan]

230
00:10:32,125 --> 00:10:35,000
[Herb] So tell me
about your home life, Marv.

231
00:10:35,083 --> 00:10:37,125
Do you spend much time
with your loved ones?

232
00:10:37,208 --> 00:10:41,333
Oh sure. I see the crew at the Gaming Café
about five nights a week.

233
00:10:41,416 --> 00:10:43,833
[chuckling] Gaming Caf--
No, I mean your family.

234
00:10:43,916 --> 00:10:46,625
Oh. [laughing] Them!

235
00:10:46,708 --> 00:10:50,541
Yeah, we're always walking
past each other in the house,

236
00:10:50,625 --> 00:10:54,333
asking each other
if the dishwasher is clean or dirty.

237
00:10:54,416 --> 00:10:55,333
Yeah, they're great.

238
00:10:55,416 --> 00:10:57,166
I wish I'd had a family,

239
00:10:57,250 --> 00:11:00,583
but my only children
are "good value" and "fair price."

240
00:11:00,666 --> 00:11:03,958
Hey, what do you say
we check out the Hindenherb amenities?

241
00:11:04,458 --> 00:11:06,958
["Blimpy Boy" by Superfriends playing]

242
00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:09,208
-♪ You don't have to cry anymore ♪
-Ooh!

243
00:11:09,291 --> 00:11:12,916
♪ Your friends are all here
The dog is too ♪

244
00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:15,666
-♪ Now we're all just waiting for you ♪
-[grunting] Ooh!

245
00:11:15,750 --> 00:11:18,416
-[grunting]
-♪ Hey there, blimpy boy ♪

246
00:11:18,500 --> 00:11:20,875
-♪ You don't have to cry anymore ♪
-Mm-hmm.

247
00:11:20,958 --> 00:11:23,750
♪ Your friends are all here
The dog is too ♪

248
00:11:23,833 --> 00:11:26,333
♪ Now we're all just waiting for you ♪

249
00:11:29,666 --> 00:11:31,958
Today has been so much fun, Herb.

250
00:11:32,041 --> 00:11:35,416
“Herb." Ooh. Feels so cold and formal,
doesn’t it?

251
00:11:35,500 --> 00:11:37,958
I’ve always thought of you like a son.

252
00:11:38,041 --> 00:11:40,250
Why don’t you try calling me…

253
00:11:40,333 --> 00:11:41,333
Dad?

254
00:11:41,416 --> 00:11:42,791
Wow, really?

255
00:11:43,416 --> 00:11:46,000
My father never let me call him Dad.

256
00:11:46,083 --> 00:11:50,375
I-- I called him Mr. Higgins,
and he called me Git! [chuckles]

257
00:11:50,458 --> 00:11:53,166
But what the heck? Okay, Dad!

258
00:11:53,250 --> 00:11:54,458
-[laughing]
-[gasping]

259
00:11:54,541 --> 00:11:58,041
Okay, son. Oh, that feels good to say.

260
00:11:58,125 --> 00:12:01,166
I’ve never had a son before. Mmm!

261
00:12:01,916 --> 00:12:05,583
This is nuts, but what if I adopted you?

262
00:12:05,666 --> 00:12:08,291
[gasps] No. No. We shouldn't.
What would everyone say?

263
00:12:08,875 --> 00:12:12,333
You're right! To hell with them!
Whoa! Are we doing this?

264
00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:17,250
Okay, let's do it!
Let's make it official, son.

265
00:12:17,875 --> 00:12:19,000
Um…

266
00:12:19,083 --> 00:12:20,291
[Roxy] On guard!

267
00:12:20,375 --> 00:12:22,458
[both grunting]

268
00:12:22,541 --> 00:12:23,916
[Roxy] Parlay!

269
00:12:24,833 --> 00:12:26,666
Wow! That was so fun!

270
00:12:26,750 --> 00:12:30,166
Thanks. When Richard started working
eighty hours a week,

271
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:31,750
I joined a fencing class.

272
00:12:31,833 --> 00:12:35,791
The marriage may be dull,
but my blade skills are sharper than ever.

273
00:12:35,875 --> 00:12:38,750
If he works eighty hours a week,
when do you see him?

274
00:12:38,833 --> 00:12:41,708
Never. It's great! [laughing]

275
00:12:41,791 --> 00:12:43,541
Oh, I get it.

276
00:12:43,625 --> 00:12:47,500
You and Marv are one of those couples
who "do things" together.

277
00:12:47,583 --> 00:12:50,541
No. Well, yes, when we first met,

278
00:12:50,625 --> 00:12:53,333
but over time Marv got more
into his board games,

279
00:12:53,416 --> 00:12:57,625
and I got more into my blood sports,
and I guess we've drifted apart a little.

280
00:12:57,708 --> 00:12:59,875
But it's not like I never want to see him.

281
00:12:59,958 --> 00:13:04,208
Oh. You say that now,
but wait till you have your first affair.

282
00:13:04,291 --> 00:13:06,333
Wait. My first affair?

283
00:13:06,416 --> 00:13:10,000
Bit of advice,
for your first affair, try a himbo.

284
00:13:10,083 --> 00:13:12,958
They're like a Ken doll,
but with all the parts.

285
00:13:14,083 --> 00:13:17,791
I can't live my life like this,
never knowing who the troll is.

286
00:13:18,375 --> 00:13:21,958
Look. If we can't compare
Fabian's IP address to the troll,

287
00:13:22,041 --> 00:13:24,875
we can see if they're on the same network.

288
00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:26,916
[computer chimes]

289
00:13:27,791 --> 00:13:28,625
[mouse clicking]

290
00:13:28,708 --> 00:13:29,916
[keys clacking]

291
00:13:31,375 --> 00:13:34,083
Travis, look!
It isn't just the same network.

292
00:13:34,166 --> 00:13:36,375
It's a perfect match.

293
00:13:36,458 --> 00:13:39,416
What? That doesn't make any sense.

294
00:13:39,500 --> 00:13:41,333
-[sloshing]
-Ugh!

295
00:13:41,416 --> 00:13:43,416
-[theme of Stranger Things playing]
-[both gasping]

296
00:13:45,250 --> 00:13:47,250
Okay, say it with me.

297
00:13:47,333 --> 00:13:48,958
Today is the…

298
00:13:49,041 --> 00:13:51,708
[all] First day of the rest of my life.

299
00:13:52,208 --> 00:13:54,250
And I'm not going to…

300
00:13:54,333 --> 00:13:59,250
[all] Eat any of the human employees
or use their entrails like pool toys.

301
00:13:59,333 --> 00:14:01,583
Entrails like pool toys!

302
00:14:01,666 --> 00:14:03,666
[all cheering]

303
00:14:05,333 --> 00:14:09,041
Wow, you are-- I… Thank you.

304
00:14:09,125 --> 00:14:12,041
God, can we get a picture with you?

305
00:14:12,125 --> 00:14:17,125
Sure. I'll do something really godly like…
Have you ever seen a dolphin walk?

306
00:14:17,875 --> 00:14:19,708
Luscious porpoise!

307
00:14:19,791 --> 00:14:21,083
[magical tone]

308
00:14:21,166 --> 00:14:22,375
[dolphin clicking]

309
00:14:22,458 --> 00:14:23,583
Wow! Amazing!

310
00:14:23,666 --> 00:14:24,833
[camera clicking]

311
00:14:27,208 --> 00:14:28,791
[dramatic music playing]

312
00:14:28,875 --> 00:14:30,708
Yeah. [grunts]

313
00:14:30,791 --> 00:14:32,791
[alarm blaring]

314
00:14:37,708 --> 00:14:40,000
So… Um… [sighs]

315
00:14:40,083 --> 00:14:42,125
…who's up for some Sbarro Pizza?

316
00:14:42,708 --> 00:14:44,958
Herbert Hamburglar Bulkington,

317
00:14:45,041 --> 00:14:48,208
do you take this adult male
as your lawfully adopted son?

318
00:14:48,291 --> 00:14:51,916
To have and to hold,
nothing creepy, till death do you part?

319
00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:52,916
I--

320
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:54,166
[sighs, sniffles]

321
00:14:54,250 --> 00:14:55,416
I do.

322
00:14:55,500 --> 00:14:59,750
Marvelous Higgins, do you take Herb
to be your lawfully adopted father?

323
00:14:59,833 --> 00:15:03,416
To have and to hold,
again, strictly father-son stuff,

324
00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:04,791
for however long?

325
00:15:04,875 --> 00:15:06,250
I do too.

326
00:15:06,333 --> 00:15:09,166
I now pronounce you father and son.

327
00:15:09,750 --> 00:15:11,833
[all cheering, clapping]

328
00:15:14,666 --> 00:15:15,541
Mwah!

329
00:15:15,625 --> 00:15:17,750
Oh, hey, hon. What are you doing up here?

330
00:15:17,833 --> 00:15:21,666
I just kind of started to miss you and--
What's with the getup?

331
00:15:21,750 --> 00:15:24,333
You look like Tom Cruise
when he takes his toupee off.

332
00:15:24,416 --> 00:15:26,916
Good news. Herb and I made it official.

333
00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:28,041
He adopted me.

334
00:15:28,125 --> 00:15:29,166
He what?

335
00:15:29,250 --> 00:15:32,416
Oh, don't worry.
You have a full year to send us a gift.

336
00:15:32,500 --> 00:15:34,958
-[explosion]
-[people screaming]

337
00:15:35,041 --> 00:15:37,416
Damn it!
I knew they built the Auntie Anne's

338
00:15:37,500 --> 00:15:39,000
too close to the fuel tanks!

339
00:15:39,083 --> 00:15:41,208
Quick, everyone to the escape parachutes!

340
00:15:41,291 --> 00:15:42,625
[screaming continues]

341
00:15:43,125 --> 00:15:45,125
[string quartet playing]

342
00:15:48,083 --> 00:15:49,666
Never mind about me.

343
00:15:49,750 --> 00:15:51,208
You two go now.

344
00:15:51,291 --> 00:15:54,375
No, Daddy! I'm not leaving you behind!

345
00:15:54,458 --> 00:15:56,083
Marv, we're crashing.

346
00:15:56,166 --> 00:15:58,833
Unless you wanna be cremated
inside a Bubba Gump Shrimp,

347
00:15:58,916 --> 00:16:01,333
we have to leave. Now! [grunting]

348
00:16:01,416 --> 00:16:02,500
[suspenseful music playing]

349
00:16:02,583 --> 00:16:05,416
-[exploding]
-[yelling]

350
00:16:05,500 --> 00:16:07,875
No! I can't leave without Papa!

351
00:16:07,958 --> 00:16:09,375
-[grunts]
-[exploding]

352
00:16:11,083 --> 00:16:13,083
[dramatic music playing]

353
00:16:14,250 --> 00:16:15,083
[boy screaming]

354
00:16:15,166 --> 00:16:16,583
[people screaming]

355
00:16:24,500 --> 00:16:26,916
-Well, this isn't a good look.
-All right, new plan.

356
00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:29,583
We leave immediately
and never mention we were here.

357
00:16:30,541 --> 00:16:31,708
-[Godcat grunting]
-No.

358
00:16:33,208 --> 00:16:35,416
I'm getting them to go back.

359
00:16:36,416 --> 00:16:41,416
[in demonic voice]
Catious buildious bigger evilous me!

360
00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:43,375
-[roaring]
-[thunder rumbling]

361
00:16:47,583 --> 00:16:51,333
You will do as I command,
or your souls will anguish.

362
00:16:51,416 --> 00:16:55,416
Threaten us all you want.
Nothing is worse than SeaWorld!

363
00:16:55,500 --> 00:16:57,875
No? What about…

364
00:16:57,958 --> 00:17:00,041
SeaWorld: Cincinnati!

365
00:17:00,125 --> 00:17:02,083
[thunder rumbles]

366
00:17:02,166 --> 00:17:07,333
Or perhaps SeaWorld: St. Louis.
Shall I keep naming landlocked cities?

367
00:17:07,416 --> 00:17:10,791
SeaWorld can get so much worse!

368
00:17:10,875 --> 00:17:12,375
[thunder rumbles]

369
00:17:13,125 --> 00:17:17,833
I would rather die than go back
to that hot box of walrus farts.

370
00:17:19,958 --> 00:17:21,958
[dramatic music plays]

371
00:17:22,791 --> 00:17:24,083
[perilous music playing]

372
00:17:24,166 --> 00:17:26,541
[roaring]

373
00:17:26,625 --> 00:17:28,083
Oops! [grunts]

374
00:17:28,625 --> 00:17:29,833
[thunder rumbling]

375
00:17:33,500 --> 00:17:35,500
So long, suckers!

376
00:17:35,583 --> 00:17:38,208
-[grunting]
-[triumphant music playing]

377
00:17:43,666 --> 00:17:44,666
Oh, no!

378
00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:47,583
[growling]

379
00:17:48,250 --> 00:17:51,291
Uh-- You know, come to think of it,
I kinda like walrus farts.

380
00:17:51,375 --> 00:17:52,875
It's an acquired smell.

381
00:17:55,833 --> 00:17:56,750
[doorbell ringing]

382
00:17:59,083 --> 00:18:00,416
Hey! 'Sup?

383
00:18:00,500 --> 00:18:04,291
Aidan, do you know a plastic surgeon
by the name of Dr. Fabian?

384
00:18:04,375 --> 00:18:08,625
Yes, Step-Dad Keith took me to
the racetrack to be his designated driver,

385
00:18:08,708 --> 00:18:10,666
and a horse bit my ear off.

386
00:18:10,750 --> 00:18:13,000
Dr. Funbags reattached it. Why?

387
00:18:13,083 --> 00:18:14,458
Aidan, the jig is up.

388
00:18:14,541 --> 00:18:18,375
We discovered your secret
boogery troll lair at Dr. Fabian’s office.

389
00:18:18,458 --> 00:18:19,416
Uh… Pfft!

390
00:18:19,500 --> 00:18:22,333
Dude, get a load of your sister
mansplaining me.

391
00:18:22,416 --> 00:18:24,416
You don’t believe that trash, do you?

392
00:18:24,500 --> 00:18:27,000
Like I’m the only guy
around here with boogers.

393
00:18:27,083 --> 00:18:28,666
Aidan, tell me the truth.

394
00:18:28,750 --> 00:18:30,625
Are you boobwizard_420?

395
00:18:32,750 --> 00:18:34,708
Okay, fine.

396
00:18:34,791 --> 00:18:35,791
Yes.

397
00:18:35,875 --> 00:18:37,583
Wait, what?!

398
00:18:37,666 --> 00:18:39,750
You are? But why?

399
00:18:39,833 --> 00:18:44,291
You were being all, "I'm a big deal
with my unboxing stuff" and whatever.

400
00:18:44,375 --> 00:18:47,083
-It was a prank, Dude. Chill.
-Chill?

401
00:18:47,166 --> 00:18:51,333
You trolled me endlessly online
while pretending to be my friend.

402
00:18:51,416 --> 00:18:56,333
And you want me to chill?
I never wanna see your stupid face again!

403
00:18:57,291 --> 00:18:59,458
Greta, let’s go. Now!

404
00:19:01,333 --> 00:19:02,708
[crying] Oh.

405
00:19:02,791 --> 00:19:05,166
You know,
from his troubling Mountain Dew intake

406
00:19:05,250 --> 00:19:07,416
and his history of bunk bed concussions,

407
00:19:07,500 --> 00:19:10,083
Aidan almost certainly will die
before you.

408
00:19:10,166 --> 00:19:11,000
Thanks.

409
00:19:11,083 --> 00:19:12,208
Oh! [crying]

410
00:19:15,208 --> 00:19:19,125
No! No. No. No! [grunting]

411
00:19:19,208 --> 00:19:21,000
[soft music playing]

412
00:19:21,083 --> 00:19:22,333
There! Look.

413
00:19:22,416 --> 00:19:24,458
There he is. Father!

414
00:19:26,750 --> 00:19:28,166
No!

415
00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:30,250
[somber music playing]

416
00:19:32,166 --> 00:19:35,041
He's gone! He's gone!

417
00:19:35,125 --> 00:19:36,375
It should've been me.

418
00:19:36,458 --> 00:19:41,000
I should've been the one to explode
in the air into perm confetti. [sobs]

419
00:19:41,750 --> 00:19:44,708
And now, we've got to walk
all the way to the car?

420
00:19:45,208 --> 00:19:47,208
Could this day get any worse?

421
00:19:47,791 --> 00:19:52,041
You know, I sometimes forget
that beneath your little cat body,

422
00:19:52,125 --> 00:19:56,625
you're actually a force
to be reckoned with. You're amazing.

423
00:19:56,708 --> 00:20:01,875
Aw, thanks. Same to you. You're like
if Tony Robbins had a baby with Gandalf.

424
00:20:03,125 --> 00:20:06,125
Oh, Beelzebub. [chuckles]
Looks like I got your voicemail.

425
00:20:06,208 --> 00:20:07,666
Excellent work today.

426
00:20:07,750 --> 00:20:12,375
I spoke with Aslandeus and Craig
on your behalf and they were thrilled.

427
00:20:12,458 --> 00:20:14,375
-[turns down volume]
-Uh. Mike, I'm on the phone.

428
00:20:14,458 --> 00:20:16,291
[inhales deeply, blows]

429
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:18,791
Aslandeus and Craig?

430
00:20:18,875 --> 00:20:23,458
Why would someone put in a good word
for you with my cherubs from my Heaven?

431
00:20:23,541 --> 00:20:26,250
Okay. Uh… You’ll find out soon enough.

432
00:20:26,833 --> 00:20:29,000
Heaven and Hell are merging,

433
00:20:29,083 --> 00:20:33,666
and well, I’m up for CEO of the new firm.

434
00:20:33,750 --> 00:20:35,625
SeaWorld was their first joint venture

435
00:20:35,708 --> 00:20:37,916
and they said if I helped out,
it'd give me a leg up.

436
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:38,958
[gasping]

437
00:20:39,041 --> 00:20:40,750
I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you but--

438
00:20:40,833 --> 00:20:43,333
But then you decided to betray me instead,

439
00:20:43,416 --> 00:20:46,166
by asking me to come here and help you

440
00:20:46,250 --> 00:20:48,541
with the very project
that would win you the job

441
00:20:48,625 --> 00:20:50,125
and cost me my own.

442
00:20:50,208 --> 00:20:51,333
How?

443
00:20:51,416 --> 00:20:53,333
How could you?!

444
00:20:53,416 --> 00:20:55,125
Boy…

445
00:20:55,208 --> 00:20:56,708
[muttering]

446
00:20:56,791 --> 00:21:01,125
Hey! I'm evil!
Forgetting that was your first mistake.

447
00:21:01,208 --> 00:21:03,208
-[perilous music playing]
-I… am…

448
00:21:04,666 --> 00:21:05,916
[music fades]

449
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:06,833
Evil.

450
00:21:07,958 --> 00:21:09,958
[soft guitar music playing]

451
00:21:10,958 --> 00:21:12,500
[people crying]

452
00:21:17,458 --> 00:21:20,250
He was a Titan of Industry,

453
00:21:20,333 --> 00:21:24,333
and his legacy lives on
through bargain hunters,

454
00:21:24,416 --> 00:21:26,958
doomsday preppers, and we,

455
00:21:27,041 --> 00:21:30,291
who roam the hallowed aisles of Big Bulk.

456
00:21:30,375 --> 00:21:32,333
[sniffling, crying]

457
00:21:33,041 --> 00:21:36,666
Lovely remarks, Mr. Higgins.
We're Mr. Bulkington's attorneys.

458
00:21:36,750 --> 00:21:38,666
Might we have a word in private?

459
00:21:39,875 --> 00:21:44,083
Mr. Higgins, as Herb’s legally adopted son
and sole heir,

460
00:21:44,166 --> 00:21:47,125
we’re here to inform you
that you are the new owner of Big Bulk

461
00:21:47,208 --> 00:21:48,666
and its subsidiaries.

462
00:21:48,750 --> 00:21:50,541
He’s left it all to you, Marv.

463
00:21:51,500 --> 00:21:52,708
[whimpers]

464
00:21:52,791 --> 00:21:54,875
["Walkin' On the Sun"
by Smash Mouth playing]

465
00:21:54,958 --> 00:21:57,625
♪ I'd like to buy the world a toke ♪

466
00:21:57,708 --> 00:22:01,666
♪ And teach the world
To sing in perfect harmony ♪

467
00:22:01,750 --> 00:22:05,583
♪ And teach the world
To snuff the fires and the liars ♪

468
00:22:05,666 --> 00:22:09,208
♪ Hey, I know it's just a song
But it's spice for the recipe ♪

469
00:22:09,291 --> 00:22:13,041
♪ This is a love attack
I know it went out, but it's back ♪

470
00:22:13,125 --> 00:22:17,000
♪ It's just like any fad
It retracts before impact ♪

471
00:22:17,083 --> 00:22:20,708
♪ And just like fashion it's a passion
For the with-it and hip ♪

472
00:22:20,791 --> 00:22:23,083
♪ If you got the goods
They'll come and buy it ♪

473
00:22:23,166 --> 00:22:24,833
♪ Just to stay in the clique ♪

474
00:22:25,666 --> 00:22:29,666
♪ So don't delay, act now
Supplies are running out ♪

475
00:22:29,750 --> 00:22:33,500
♪ Allow if you're still alive
Six to eight years to arrive ♪

476
00:22:33,583 --> 00:22:36,166
♪ And if you follow
There may be a tomorrow ♪

477
00:22:36,250 --> 00:22:38,166
♪ But if the offer's shunned ♪

478
00:22:38,250 --> 00:22:41,708
♪ You might as well
Be walking on the Sun… ♪

479
00:22:46,208 --> 00:22:47,166
[song ends]