1
00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:11,291
[upbeat music playing]

2
00:00:12,291 --> 00:00:15,666
[narrator] He was a high-powered CEO
in control of everything…

3
00:00:15,750 --> 00:00:17,041
It's settled.

4
00:00:17,125 --> 00:00:20,375
We give humans the physical ability
to run a marathon,

5
00:00:20,458 --> 00:00:23,875
but the punishment is
they can never stop talking about it.

6
00:00:23,958 --> 00:00:25,625
[all laughing]

7
00:00:25,708 --> 00:00:27,625
[narrator] …except his own heart.

8
00:00:28,250 --> 00:00:29,250
Hmm.

9
00:00:29,791 --> 00:00:30,791
[chuckles]

10
00:00:32,541 --> 00:00:34,000
How long have you been waiting?

11
00:00:34,083 --> 00:00:36,875
For you? All my life.

12
00:00:37,958 --> 00:00:39,916
[narrator] They were a match
made in heaven

13
00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:42,041
with just one small problem.

14
00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:44,583
He was from Hell.

15
00:00:44,666 --> 00:00:45,541
[soft music playing]

16
00:00:45,625 --> 00:00:48,000
-[grunting]
-[man laughing]

17
00:00:49,291 --> 00:00:51,500
-[bear growling]
-[man screaming]

18
00:00:55,625 --> 00:00:57,875
[narrator] And sometimes when a woman

19
00:00:57,958 --> 00:01:01,041
and a ghoulish, mega demon
love each other very much,

20
00:01:01,125 --> 00:01:02,041
they do a thing.

21
00:01:02,125 --> 00:01:05,416
Dear lord, I know what sex is.
And stop talking like a movie trailer.

22
00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:08,375
Well, excuse me for world-building.

23
00:01:08,458 --> 00:01:12,583
Ah. Whoa.
I've always wanted a flaming sword.

24
00:01:12,666 --> 00:01:15,041
I could stab stuff but with fire.

25
00:01:15,125 --> 00:01:17,166
Uh-uh. Focus. This is important.

26
00:01:17,791 --> 00:01:22,583
As you were born of a forbidden love
between a human and a demon,

27
00:01:22,666 --> 00:01:27,291
it was determined
that you must stay with him in Hell.

28
00:01:27,375 --> 00:01:29,375
My mom is a human on Earth?

29
00:01:29,458 --> 00:01:32,833
She can answer all my burning questions.
Come on, let's go find her.

30
00:01:34,625 --> 00:01:35,958
Nope, put it back.

31
00:01:36,041 --> 00:01:37,416
[sword scraping]

32
00:01:37,500 --> 00:01:41,166
Sorry, Earth is like super big.
Do you happen to have her address?

33
00:01:41,250 --> 00:01:42,500
[gurgling, sucking]

34
00:01:42,583 --> 00:01:43,958
[both exclaim]

35
00:01:44,041 --> 00:01:46,208
-[heavy metal music playing]
-[both screaming]

36
00:01:47,041 --> 00:01:47,875
[water gurgling]

37
00:01:47,958 --> 00:01:49,250
[dramatic tone]

38
00:01:49,333 --> 00:01:52,750
[yelling] Why do cats
keep coming out of my toilet?

39
00:01:52,833 --> 00:01:53,750
[both screeching]

40
00:01:53,833 --> 00:01:55,833
[theme music playing]

41
00:02:02,416 --> 00:02:04,333
So, Halcyon Springs.

42
00:02:04,416 --> 00:02:06,750
Looks like some backwater place.

43
00:02:06,833 --> 00:02:09,333
This even says
there's no internet or cell towers.

44
00:02:09,416 --> 00:02:11,833
That means there might be
a portal to Hell there.

45
00:02:11,916 --> 00:02:14,083
The closer you get to Hell,
the worse the Wi-Fi.

46
00:02:14,166 --> 00:02:15,875
Heaven's internet sucks too.

47
00:02:15,958 --> 00:02:19,333
A Luck Dragon keeps getting confused
and humping our cell towers.

48
00:02:19,916 --> 00:02:21,000
I have to meet my mother.

49
00:02:21,083 --> 00:02:23,583
If I'm half-human,
that would explain so much,

50
00:02:23,666 --> 00:02:25,916
like why I'm bad at my job,

51
00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:30,083
or why I do idiotic human-y things
like take pictures of fireworks?

52
00:02:31,500 --> 00:02:33,250
Yo, 30 Seconds to Marvs,

53
00:02:33,333 --> 00:02:35,583
wanna drive us
to a nowhere, nothing-to-do town,

54
00:02:35,666 --> 00:02:37,666
and wait for us
in the car for a few hours?

55
00:02:37,750 --> 00:02:41,291
[sighs] I'd love to, but Mr. Bulkington
is making me work overtime,

56
00:02:41,375 --> 00:02:43,041
cleaning the display toilets.

57
00:02:43,125 --> 00:02:46,583
You'd be surprised how many people
mistake them for the real deal.

58
00:02:46,666 --> 00:02:49,041
He's got you cleaning toilets?

59
00:02:49,125 --> 00:02:52,708
No wonder Heaven hasn't sent me back.
I need to get you promoted.

60
00:02:52,791 --> 00:02:55,250
Me? Upper management?

61
00:02:55,333 --> 00:02:58,958
[Marv] Jet-setting around the store
on my private forklift?

62
00:02:59,041 --> 00:03:02,833
Putting up those little cones
around vomit incidents?

63
00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:05,583
[chuckling] Okay, let's do it.

64
00:03:05,666 --> 00:03:08,333
Well, I guess I could take an Uber.

65
00:03:08,416 --> 00:03:10,958
I get a discount
since the founders are in Hell.

66
00:03:11,041 --> 00:03:12,500
[toy squeaking]

67
00:03:12,583 --> 00:03:14,958
-Is that a dog toy?
-[spits]

68
00:03:15,041 --> 00:03:18,375
I ripped all my stress balls in half,
figured I'd give this a go.

69
00:03:18,458 --> 00:03:20,875
[sighing] Greta isn't talking to me.

70
00:03:20,958 --> 00:03:24,708
I think it's because I might've
kinda maybe implied

71
00:03:24,791 --> 00:03:27,125
that I regret quitting the SEALs
to have kids.

72
00:03:27,208 --> 00:03:29,500
[gasping] Hmm.

73
00:03:29,583 --> 00:03:32,041
Know what you need? A road trip.

74
00:03:32,125 --> 00:03:34,500
-And I know the perfect destination.
-[toy squeaking]

75
00:03:34,583 --> 00:03:36,208
Halcyon Springs.

76
00:03:36,291 --> 00:03:40,458
My long-lost mother is there,
and it's only a six-hour drive away.

77
00:03:40,541 --> 00:03:41,541
Win-win.

78
00:03:41,625 --> 00:03:43,041
Six hours?

79
00:03:43,125 --> 00:03:45,916
In that amount of time,
I could conceive two new kids,

80
00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:47,291
preferably ones who like me.

81
00:03:47,375 --> 00:03:49,750
Yeah, who cares
if you told your kids you hate them,

82
00:03:49,833 --> 00:03:53,166
and they grow up to be junkies,
murderers, or podcasters?

83
00:03:53,250 --> 00:03:55,458
Who cares if you all wind up in Hell?

84
00:03:55,541 --> 00:03:57,083
[ominous music playing]

85
00:03:58,166 --> 00:04:01,750
[GPS voice] In two miles,
you will arrive at your destination.

86
00:04:01,833 --> 00:04:05,750
What a fun, family bonding session
this trip has been, right, kids?

87
00:04:06,333 --> 00:04:07,416
Right, kids?

88
00:04:07,500 --> 00:04:10,166
Oh. You mean the trip Travis and I
never assented to,

89
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:12,583
so technically it could be
considered "kidnapping"?

90
00:04:12,666 --> 00:04:16,083
Excuse me, young lady.
I didn't even have a mom growing up.

91
00:04:16,166 --> 00:04:21,166
You know who explained womanhood to me?
An Incubus with an eel for a mustache.

92
00:04:21,750 --> 00:04:24,541
[GPS voice] You have arrived at your--
at your dest-- dest--

93
00:04:24,625 --> 00:04:27,541
[woman screaming] Oh no! Please, no!

94
00:04:27,625 --> 00:04:29,166
[ominous music playing]

95
00:04:29,250 --> 00:04:32,250
[demonic voice]
You have arrived at your destination.

96
00:04:32,333 --> 00:04:34,291
[laughing evilly]

97
00:04:34,375 --> 00:04:35,708
Well, we're here.

98
00:04:35,791 --> 00:04:37,125
[engine sputters, backfires]

99
00:04:37,208 --> 00:04:39,166
Hey, I can't get any reception.

100
00:04:39,250 --> 00:04:40,958
[tires screeching]

101
00:04:41,791 --> 00:04:44,208
Huh. That's weird. The car went dead.

102
00:04:44,291 --> 00:04:46,375
I'm gonna go look for my mom. Bye.

103
00:04:46,875 --> 00:04:50,083
This can't be happening.
I've never been without internet before.

104
00:04:50,666 --> 00:04:52,125
[hyperventilating]

105
00:04:52,208 --> 00:04:54,000
Must you continue to torture us, Mother?

106
00:04:54,083 --> 00:04:56,375
You know, if you never wanted children
in the first place,

107
00:04:56,458 --> 00:05:00,416
you could've just sold us
at birth to the circus or Nickelodeon.

108
00:05:02,083 --> 00:05:04,000
[ominous music playing]

109
00:05:04,083 --> 00:05:05,583
[Muzak playing]

110
00:05:05,666 --> 00:05:07,000
I don't know about this.

111
00:05:07,083 --> 00:05:09,000
The last guy who asked for a raise,

112
00:05:09,083 --> 00:05:12,416
Herb tarred and feathered him
using Vaseline and Cheetos.

113
00:05:12,500 --> 00:05:14,750
Then let's warm up with a test run.

114
00:05:14,833 --> 00:05:15,708
[magical music plays]

115
00:05:15,791 --> 00:05:17,958
[in Southern American accent]
Marv, you wanted to see me?

116
00:05:18,041 --> 00:05:24,583
Uh. Yes, I-- I did want to see you
b-because you're so handsome.

117
00:05:25,666 --> 00:05:27,041
I-- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

118
00:05:27,125 --> 00:05:29,750
You-- You should demote me
and pay me less.

119
00:05:29,833 --> 00:05:31,958
Okay, new plan.

120
00:05:32,041 --> 00:05:33,541
[writing]

121
00:05:34,166 --> 00:05:37,916
Wow, Marv.
Now, that is a honey of a toupee.

122
00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:40,541
Got nipples and everything. What's up?

123
00:05:40,625 --> 00:05:42,166
Mr. Bulkington,

124
00:05:42,250 --> 00:05:45,916
I believe I've earned a promotion
and a raise.

125
00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:47,708
Why in the world would I do that?

126
00:05:47,791 --> 00:05:48,958
[whispering]

127
00:05:49,041 --> 00:05:52,041
Herb, I could list off
a bunch of reasons why,

128
00:05:52,125 --> 00:05:54,583
but you don't have
time to sit here and listen to

129
00:05:54,666 --> 00:05:58,833
a marble-mouthed-human-thigh-pimple
like me drone on all day, do you?

130
00:05:58,916 --> 00:06:02,708
Now, Higgins,
maybe you are upper management material.

131
00:06:02,791 --> 00:06:06,916
Of course, first, you'll have to pass
the Big Bulk manager emergency test.

132
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,666
It measures one's ability
to handle disasters.

133
00:06:09,750 --> 00:06:13,833
Floods, hurricanes, murder hornets,
music festivals, zoo explosions…

134
00:06:13,916 --> 00:06:16,875
We've got it in the bag.
I invented those things.

135
00:06:16,958 --> 00:06:18,375
[crow cawing]

136
00:06:18,458 --> 00:06:20,041
[people chattering, laughing]

137
00:06:20,125 --> 00:06:21,625
[ominous music playing]

138
00:06:21,708 --> 00:06:23,541
Greta? Travis?

139
00:06:23,625 --> 00:06:25,958
No touching the other kids here.

140
00:06:26,041 --> 00:06:28,666
There's a real unvaccinated vibe.

141
00:06:32,083 --> 00:06:33,125
-[gasping]
-[dramatic sting]

142
00:06:33,208 --> 00:06:34,666
Sorry. [coughs]

143
00:06:34,750 --> 00:06:38,666
Sitting in the dark helps my migraines.
What can I do for you?

144
00:06:38,750 --> 00:06:42,875
-My car's electrical system crashed.
-Yeah, we see that a lot around here.

145
00:06:42,958 --> 00:06:46,083
I know the part you need,
but the only place to get it

146
00:06:46,166 --> 00:06:49,291
is the junkyard on the other side of town,

147
00:06:49,375 --> 00:06:52,291
near the portal to Hell
that vampires come through.

148
00:06:52,375 --> 00:06:56,166
This town has a portal to Hell
that vampires come through?

149
00:06:56,250 --> 00:06:59,750
Do you think maybe you'd wanna have a sign
that says that when you enter town?

150
00:06:59,833 --> 00:07:01,291
We had a sign made,

151
00:07:01,375 --> 00:07:05,250
but our graphic designer
hasn't used the internet since the '90s,

152
00:07:05,333 --> 00:07:07,416
so it was mostly just wingdings.

153
00:07:07,500 --> 00:07:08,750
[wind gusting]

154
00:07:10,375 --> 00:07:12,125
Very confusing.

155
00:07:12,208 --> 00:07:14,583
My kids are out there alone!

156
00:07:14,666 --> 00:07:17,041
Okay, hold your horses.

157
00:07:17,125 --> 00:07:20,500
You're gonna want
a certified vampire hunter with you.

158
00:07:20,583 --> 00:07:22,916
[clicking tongue] Lucky for you, I am one.

159
00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:24,500
I'm also a notary.

160
00:07:24,583 --> 00:07:25,791
[dramatic music playing]

161
00:07:28,125 --> 00:07:29,291
I was a Navy SEAL.

162
00:07:29,791 --> 00:07:32,791
Oh man, I'm so nervous to meet my mom.

163
00:07:32,875 --> 00:07:36,250
Fair warning, she's probably gonna be
some horrifying human slash monster.

164
00:07:36,333 --> 00:07:38,791
Like a cross
between Pennywise and Roseanne Barr.

165
00:07:38,875 --> 00:07:41,125
At least your mother doesn't regret
giving birth to you.

166
00:07:41,208 --> 00:07:43,625
Actually, in Hell the males give birth.

167
00:07:43,708 --> 00:07:46,541
You think the women scream
when they're crowning? Yesh.

168
00:07:48,583 --> 00:07:50,208
[sighs] Well, this is the address.

169
00:07:51,666 --> 00:07:53,375
Oh. You've got to be kidding me.

170
00:07:53,458 --> 00:07:54,791
[pipe organ playing]

171
00:07:55,916 --> 00:07:56,958
Hello, all.

172
00:07:57,041 --> 00:08:00,500
Um… Oh, I see a few new faces here today.

173
00:08:00,583 --> 00:08:03,041
I'm Shirley. Our pastor is running late,

174
00:08:03,125 --> 00:08:05,458
so I thought I would squeeze in
a few reminders.

175
00:08:05,541 --> 00:08:07,708
[gasps] That's her. That's my mom!

176
00:08:07,791 --> 00:08:11,875
First off, I am hosting
a charity bake sale tomorrow morning.

177
00:08:11,958 --> 00:08:15,041
After that,
my entire afternoon is wide open.

178
00:08:15,125 --> 00:08:18,125
So if anyone needs help moving apartments

179
00:08:18,208 --> 00:08:21,541
or just wants to ramble on
about a dream they had,

180
00:08:21,625 --> 00:08:23,375
I am here for you.

181
00:08:23,458 --> 00:08:25,083
Sorry I'm late, all.

182
00:08:25,166 --> 00:08:26,833
Got held up at the gym.

183
00:08:26,916 --> 00:08:28,625
You know my motto,

184
00:08:28,708 --> 00:08:33,500
"Never skip church,
and never skip leg day." Ha!

185
00:08:33,583 --> 00:08:34,791
[laughing, clapping]

186
00:08:34,875 --> 00:08:36,833
Before I begin today's sermon,

187
00:08:36,916 --> 00:08:40,875
I'd like to remind you all
to be on the lookout.

188
00:08:40,958 --> 00:08:46,291
This sinful man
has been mooning people all over town.

189
00:08:46,375 --> 00:08:50,041
Shirley, please pass these butt pics out
to the congregation.

190
00:08:51,083 --> 00:08:52,375
[Devilcat] Psst.

191
00:08:52,458 --> 00:08:54,666
Shirley! Hey, I'm… Um…

192
00:08:55,250 --> 00:08:57,500
your daughter, but as a cat.

193
00:08:57,583 --> 00:08:58,583
That settles it.

194
00:08:58,666 --> 00:09:01,500
I'm finally gonna install
a carbon monoxide detector.

195
00:09:01,583 --> 00:09:06,041
No, I'm just stuck in this body.
I am the spawn of Satan. Here, look.

196
00:09:06,125 --> 00:09:09,708
Long story short, you guys did it,
and, nine blood moons later,

197
00:09:09,791 --> 00:09:13,208
he birthed me out of his left butt cheek,
and the afterbirth crawled to Texas.

198
00:09:13,291 --> 00:09:17,041
Wow. Both your backstory and Ted Cruz's.

199
00:09:17,125 --> 00:09:18,333
Fascinating.

200
00:09:18,416 --> 00:09:21,041
I'm a mom of the Antichrist,

201
00:09:21,125 --> 00:09:24,458
but still, I'm a mom.

202
00:09:25,750 --> 00:09:28,166
Come on, just one bar, please.

203
00:09:28,250 --> 00:09:29,750
[exclaims, grunts]

204
00:09:29,833 --> 00:09:31,666
-Are you okay?
-[Travis] No.

205
00:09:31,750 --> 00:09:34,000
I've never been anywhere
without internet before.

206
00:09:34,083 --> 00:09:36,458
How do you people
even know what time it is?

207
00:09:36,541 --> 00:09:38,166
We like it that way.

208
00:09:38,250 --> 00:09:39,875
This town is a safe haven

209
00:09:39,958 --> 00:09:43,625
for those who have had their lives ruined
by the internet.

210
00:09:43,708 --> 00:09:45,250
I'm Millie.

211
00:09:45,333 --> 00:09:47,250
[soft music playing]

212
00:09:47,333 --> 00:09:48,958
[contemplative music playing]

213
00:09:49,708 --> 00:09:54,041
Okay, these are easy.
Blizzard is space heaters and shovels.

214
00:09:54,125 --> 00:09:57,958
Zombie apocalypse is crowbars
and imitation brain meat.

215
00:09:58,041 --> 00:09:59,125
[harp glissando]

216
00:09:59,208 --> 00:10:01,041
[Herb] No, wrong.

217
00:10:01,125 --> 00:10:02,291
All wrong.

218
00:10:02,375 --> 00:10:04,666
The correct answer was toilet paper.

219
00:10:04,750 --> 00:10:06,125
In any crisis,

220
00:10:06,208 --> 00:10:09,666
everyone rushes the store
and buys up all of our TP.

221
00:10:09,750 --> 00:10:11,000
You failed, Higgins.

222
00:10:11,083 --> 00:10:13,791
Now, run up to my office
and get my firing whip.

223
00:10:13,875 --> 00:10:15,708
[news theme music playing]

224
00:10:15,791 --> 00:10:18,666
The town of Horkville
has run out of oat milk.

225
00:10:18,750 --> 00:10:21,833
Repeat, no oat milk in Horkville.

226
00:10:21,916 --> 00:10:23,916
[people screaming]

227
00:10:28,833 --> 00:10:30,125
[all clamoring]

228
00:10:30,208 --> 00:10:33,208
I'm-- I'm getting word now that there's
an entire display at Big Bulk,

229
00:10:33,291 --> 00:10:35,541
but supplies are limited, and…

230
00:10:35,625 --> 00:10:38,333
Uh-huh. Yeah. Uh-huh. Oh, okay. Yes.

231
00:10:38,416 --> 00:10:40,166
Lawlessness reigns.

232
00:10:40,250 --> 00:10:41,833
[dramatic tone]

233
00:10:41,916 --> 00:10:42,875
[pastor preaching]

234
00:10:42,958 --> 00:10:45,291
So that's basically my life.

235
00:10:45,375 --> 00:10:48,166
Single, no kids, CEO of Hell.

236
00:10:48,250 --> 00:10:50,375
I continue to get my meal delivery kits,

237
00:10:50,458 --> 00:10:52,791
even though half of them go
straight into the trash.

238
00:10:52,875 --> 00:10:54,583
So what's your deal?

239
00:10:54,666 --> 00:10:58,333
Are you actually super evil
and faking the "sweet old lady" thing?

240
00:10:58,416 --> 00:11:01,083
[laughing] Oh, heavens no!

241
00:11:01,166 --> 00:11:03,125
I'm decent all the way through.

242
00:11:03,208 --> 00:11:07,166
I have a lifetime of questions for you.
So you volunteer here?

243
00:11:07,250 --> 00:11:10,250
I actually used to lead the congregation,

244
00:11:10,333 --> 00:11:14,208
but after Pastor James showed up,
he forced me out.

245
00:11:14,291 --> 00:11:15,166
Excuse me?

246
00:11:15,250 --> 00:11:18,541
He forced my mother
out of doing the thing she loved!

247
00:11:18,625 --> 00:11:19,541
[ominous music playing]

248
00:11:19,625 --> 00:11:21,666
Well, we'll see about that.

249
00:11:22,625 --> 00:11:24,625
[crows cawing]

250
00:11:24,708 --> 00:11:25,541
[slurping]

251
00:11:25,625 --> 00:11:28,208
Hey, Walt, we need a fuse for a--

252
00:11:28,291 --> 00:11:30,916
-Shh. The vampires are sleeping.
-[shattering]

253
00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:32,416
[dramatic music playing]

254
00:11:32,500 --> 00:11:34,958
-[bat growling, gnawing]
-[all screaming]

255
00:11:35,583 --> 00:11:37,416
[Walt moaning, groaning]

256
00:11:38,083 --> 00:11:40,416
Wait, is-- is that… a pug?

257
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:42,541
And a vampire.

258
00:11:42,625 --> 00:11:45,750
-A vampug.
-Why didn't you say that earlier?

259
00:11:45,833 --> 00:11:49,916
For the same reason
I don't mention Slenderman is a Gemini.

260
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,875
What difference does it make?

261
00:11:51,958 --> 00:11:53,166
[Walt groaning]

262
00:11:53,750 --> 00:11:55,125
[dramatic music playing]

263
00:11:56,416 --> 00:11:58,000
-Bad dog.
-[whimpering]

264
00:11:59,458 --> 00:12:05,291
So what brought you to this godforsaken
skid mark of a town? Huh?

265
00:12:05,375 --> 00:12:08,125
I thought a road trip
with my kids would bring us together.

266
00:12:08,208 --> 00:12:11,375
Yeah. My ex and I talked
about doing the whole kids thing,

267
00:12:11,458 --> 00:12:14,375
but he was like, "When you're a mom,
you can't stay out all night

268
00:12:14,458 --> 00:12:16,083
beheading vampires."

269
00:12:16,166 --> 00:12:18,291
Uh, "Okay, Ian."

270
00:12:18,375 --> 00:12:22,125
"Newsflash, that's when vampires are out."

271
00:12:22,208 --> 00:12:26,166
Truth is, that mom life seems so boring.

272
00:12:26,250 --> 00:12:28,791
Well, I wouldn't exactly say I'm bored.

273
00:12:28,875 --> 00:12:32,333
Between Greta accidentally
setting the house on fire with experiments

274
00:12:32,416 --> 00:12:35,666
and Travis intentionally
setting the house on fire for views,

275
00:12:35,750 --> 00:12:36,750
things aren't dull.

276
00:12:37,333 --> 00:12:39,000
Actually, when you think about it,

277
00:12:39,083 --> 00:12:43,041
being a mom is kind of the ultimate
high-risk, high-reward adventure.

278
00:12:43,125 --> 00:12:48,458
Seems like this town also attracts
conversation vampires.

279
00:12:48,541 --> 00:12:49,416
[gasping]

280
00:12:50,708 --> 00:12:53,625
The fuse! Okay, now let's go before they--

281
00:12:53,708 --> 00:12:55,375
-[vampugs growling]
-[both gasping]

282
00:12:55,458 --> 00:12:56,958
[dramatic music playing]

283
00:12:59,083 --> 00:13:00,291
[both groaning]

284
00:13:00,375 --> 00:13:02,583
[Millie] When I was little,
I threw up on a roller coaster,

285
00:13:02,666 --> 00:13:04,791
and the guy behind me was Fabio.

286
00:13:04,875 --> 00:13:08,208
And from then on,
I was the girl who puked on Fabio.

287
00:13:08,291 --> 00:13:10,791
Wait, you're girl-who-puked-on-Fabio?

288
00:13:10,875 --> 00:13:13,625
Yeah. They rushed him
to the hair and face hospital,

289
00:13:13,708 --> 00:13:14,791
but it was too late.

290
00:13:14,875 --> 00:13:17,333
Being puked on made him
three percent less handsome,

291
00:13:17,416 --> 00:13:20,333
which was enough
to bring his entire empire crashing down.

292
00:13:20,416 --> 00:13:23,875
That's when people started recognizing me
in public,

293
00:13:23,958 --> 00:13:26,291
asking me to barf on them for selfies.

294
00:13:26,375 --> 00:13:29,500
-I'm the Horky Porky kid.
-I know.

295
00:13:29,583 --> 00:13:31,041
[soft music playing]

296
00:13:32,625 --> 00:13:37,541
Remember, you are God's children,
and he loves you,

297
00:13:37,625 --> 00:13:39,250
unless you live in a blue state,

298
00:13:39,333 --> 00:13:41,291
then you're more like a whiny nephew

299
00:13:41,375 --> 00:13:44,208
that he pretends to like
during the holidays.

300
00:13:44,291 --> 00:13:45,916
[heavy metal music playing]

301
00:13:47,291 --> 00:13:49,750
[in demonic voice]
I'm just kidding. God is dead.

302
00:13:49,833 --> 00:13:51,833
Go commit every sin imaginable.

303
00:13:51,916 --> 00:13:53,750
Park in handicapped spaces.

304
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:56,125
Microwave cauliflower at work.

305
00:13:56,208 --> 00:13:58,416
Pee in a rented wetsuit.

306
00:13:58,500 --> 00:14:00,625
[laughing evilly]

307
00:14:00,708 --> 00:14:01,958
[all gasping]

308
00:14:02,041 --> 00:14:04,208
Did you just possess him?

309
00:14:04,291 --> 00:14:06,750
Yeah. We're gonna get your old job back.

310
00:14:06,833 --> 00:14:08,625
Ha! That's my girl.

311
00:14:08,708 --> 00:14:10,791
[laughing evilly]

312
00:14:10,875 --> 00:14:13,333
Go forth. Eat bacon.

313
00:14:13,416 --> 00:14:15,375
Use plastic straws.

314
00:14:15,458 --> 00:14:18,125
Wear a fedora unironically.

315
00:14:18,208 --> 00:14:20,791
Pastor James would never say that.

316
00:14:20,875 --> 00:14:23,041
He must be possessed.

317
00:14:23,125 --> 00:14:26,041
Come on, y'all. Let's exorcise him.

318
00:14:26,125 --> 00:14:31,041
[all] The power of God compels you.
The power of God compels you.

319
00:14:31,125 --> 00:14:33,500
The power of God compels you.

320
00:14:33,583 --> 00:14:37,291
[purring] Hey! You ever get like
an electric tingling in your butthole,

321
00:14:37,375 --> 00:14:39,625
like a call for help from deep within?

322
00:14:40,166 --> 00:14:41,208
Nope.

323
00:14:41,291 --> 00:14:43,708
-[heavy metal music continues]
-[people screaming]

324
00:14:46,208 --> 00:14:47,416
[heavenly tone]

325
00:14:47,500 --> 00:14:50,625
Holy water! It burns!

326
00:14:50,708 --> 00:14:55,791
My brothers and sisters,
you just witnessed a failed possession.

327
00:14:55,875 --> 00:15:02,000
The devil chose to attack me
because of my divine connection to God.

328
00:15:02,083 --> 00:15:03,875
Praise God!

329
00:15:03,958 --> 00:15:06,083
Praise me!

330
00:15:06,166 --> 00:15:08,041
Praise James.

331
00:15:08,125 --> 00:15:10,958
-Praise him forever!
-Praise him!

332
00:15:11,041 --> 00:15:12,500
[all cheering]

333
00:15:12,583 --> 00:15:13,500
[Marv grunting]

334
00:15:14,083 --> 00:15:16,166
There. Good luck getting through that.

335
00:15:16,250 --> 00:15:18,083
[people yelling, groaning]

336
00:15:19,125 --> 00:15:21,291
Huh. Guess I shouldn't have
wished them luck.

337
00:15:21,375 --> 00:15:23,291
Hey! The oat milk's gone.

338
00:15:23,875 --> 00:15:26,458
Let's demolish this place!

339
00:15:26,541 --> 00:15:28,333
[all screaming, yelling]

340
00:15:28,416 --> 00:15:30,625
[woman] I need my oat milk!

341
00:15:30,708 --> 00:15:31,875
Hey, oat chuggers!

342
00:15:31,958 --> 00:15:33,416
Leave him alone.

343
00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:34,541
[heroic music playing]

344
00:15:35,583 --> 00:15:36,416
[dramatic sting]

345
00:15:36,958 --> 00:15:39,041
Oh well. Guess it's time to die.

346
00:15:39,125 --> 00:15:39,958
Come on, man.

347
00:15:40,041 --> 00:15:44,291
You're Marvelous freaking Higgins,
for Christ's sake. Take charge!

348
00:15:44,375 --> 00:15:45,291
[heroic music playing]

349
00:15:45,375 --> 00:15:46,916
[grunting]

350
00:15:49,583 --> 00:15:51,166
People of Big Bulk.

351
00:15:51,250 --> 00:15:54,291
You are heard. You are understood.

352
00:15:54,375 --> 00:15:56,458
You want oat milk.

353
00:15:56,541 --> 00:15:58,583
We have none,

354
00:15:58,666 --> 00:16:00,791
but we stocked an alternative.

355
00:16:00,875 --> 00:16:03,125
It's called milk.

356
00:16:03,208 --> 00:16:04,125
[music ends]

357
00:16:05,625 --> 00:16:08,833
The color must be a subtle homage
to oat milk.

358
00:16:08,916 --> 00:16:11,833
Oh, so they blend the cows
to make the milk.

359
00:16:11,916 --> 00:16:14,750
Shouldn't it technically
be called "milk milk"?

360
00:16:14,833 --> 00:16:15,916
[all groaning]

361
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:18,583
Wait.
Milk doesn't have lactose in it, does it?

362
00:16:18,666 --> 00:16:19,666
[all farting]

363
00:16:19,750 --> 00:16:24,041
We have toilet paper.
The answer truly is toilet paper.

364
00:16:24,125 --> 00:16:26,625
[victorious music plays]

365
00:16:28,541 --> 00:16:31,375
I'm so sorry.
I just made things worse for you.

366
00:16:31,458 --> 00:16:33,833
I don't belong up here.
I don't belong in Hell.

367
00:16:33,916 --> 00:16:38,125
-I don't belong anywhere.
-Oh hush. You know who you sound like?

368
00:16:38,208 --> 00:16:39,541
Your father.

369
00:16:39,625 --> 00:16:43,208
What? Yeah, right.
Dad was the greatest Satan of all time.

370
00:16:43,291 --> 00:16:45,208
That's who he became.

371
00:16:45,291 --> 00:16:48,833
When he first got hired,
he failed constantly.

372
00:16:48,916 --> 00:16:51,458
I couldn't even get
a measly possession right.

373
00:16:51,541 --> 00:16:53,583
Don't worry about it.

374
00:16:53,666 --> 00:16:56,541
Pastor James, and pardon my language,

375
00:16:56,625 --> 00:16:57,625
is an ass.

376
00:16:57,708 --> 00:17:00,000
He can have the congregation.

377
00:17:00,083 --> 00:17:02,333
Wait, what did you just say?

378
00:17:02,416 --> 00:17:03,625
[pipe organ playing]

379
00:17:05,666 --> 00:17:10,958
Shirley, I said I wanted
"We Built This City" in D minor.

380
00:17:11,041 --> 00:17:12,750
Get it together, dummy.

381
00:17:16,208 --> 00:17:19,791
E--Everyone, everyone,
I have an announcement.

382
00:17:20,375 --> 00:17:22,000
Pastor James is…

383
00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:24,583
the serial mooner.

384
00:17:24,666 --> 00:17:26,958
-[heavy metal music playing]
-[all gasping]

385
00:17:27,750 --> 00:17:29,916
[Pastor James grunting, groaning]

386
00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:34,500
[woman] The cheeks!
They are an exact match!

387
00:17:35,125 --> 00:17:37,458
-[Pastor James groaning]
-[all laughing]

388
00:17:37,541 --> 00:17:39,708
You literally just hit me
where the good Lord split me.

389
00:17:39,791 --> 00:17:41,208
Praise Shirley!

390
00:17:41,291 --> 00:17:42,666
Shirley forever!

391
00:17:42,750 --> 00:17:44,791
[all cheering]

392
00:17:44,875 --> 00:17:47,416
Impressive. How did you know it was James?

393
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:50,458
Well, first off,
streakers love to be seen.

394
00:17:50,541 --> 00:17:52,125
They're exhibitionists.

395
00:17:52,208 --> 00:17:55,208
Never skip leg day. Ha!

396
00:17:55,708 --> 00:17:58,166
[Devilcat] Then, I thought about
what you said.

397
00:17:58,250 --> 00:18:01,375
Pastor James, and pardon my language,

398
00:18:01,458 --> 00:18:04,541
is an ass. [echoing]

399
00:18:05,458 --> 00:18:09,708
Wow, no purebred demon
would've ever put that together.

400
00:18:09,791 --> 00:18:14,083
Being half-human makes you so much better
at figuring us out.

401
00:18:14,166 --> 00:18:18,750
This is why you are destined
to be the greatest devil,

402
00:18:18,833 --> 00:18:20,500
or Devilcat,

403
00:18:20,583 --> 00:18:23,375
the universe has ever known.

404
00:18:23,958 --> 00:18:26,708
Hey. Maybe you could come down
and live with me.

405
00:18:26,791 --> 00:18:28,625
I could blow up the air mattress.

406
00:18:28,708 --> 00:18:31,291
Actually, all beds
in Hell are air mattresses, so…

407
00:18:31,375 --> 00:18:32,208
Oh. [chuckles]

408
00:18:32,291 --> 00:18:35,666
That's very kind of you,
but I belong up here.

409
00:18:35,750 --> 00:18:38,875
And thanks to you,
I've got a congregation to run.

410
00:18:39,375 --> 00:18:40,500
[soft music playing]

411
00:18:41,708 --> 00:18:44,666
Huh. Rejected by your own mother.
I can relate.

412
00:18:44,750 --> 00:18:48,333
Look, Greta, I know you're still bent
out of shape about what your mom said.

413
00:18:48,416 --> 00:18:52,625
But you have to understand.
She's just a dumb, confused human.

414
00:18:52,708 --> 00:18:55,791
And that human part is
what makes her so wonderful.

415
00:19:00,583 --> 00:19:02,958
You know, Marv, I was wrong about you.

416
00:19:03,041 --> 00:19:08,708
You're not a feckless, uncharismatic,
hunched, gutless, bald human bagpipe

417
00:19:08,791 --> 00:19:11,208
incapable of managing a Big Bulk.

418
00:19:11,291 --> 00:19:14,916
You are capable of managing a Big Bulk.

419
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:17,708
I'd like to promote you
to general manager.

420
00:19:17,791 --> 00:19:20,375
[gasping] I won't let you down, sir.

421
00:19:21,333 --> 00:19:23,125
Marv, well done, man.

422
00:19:23,208 --> 00:19:24,666
I'm proud of you.

423
00:19:25,250 --> 00:19:29,083
Hey, that sounded sincere
when I said it. I think I meant it.

424
00:19:29,166 --> 00:19:31,666
-Oh, Godcat, that's so sweet.
-[purring]

425
00:19:31,750 --> 00:19:33,583
You know, we make a good team.

426
00:19:33,666 --> 00:19:36,458
Hey! You should join
my Dungeons & Dragons league.

427
00:19:36,541 --> 00:19:39,125
Whoa. Slow down.
I said I was happy for you.

428
00:19:39,208 --> 00:19:42,500
I didn't say I wanted
to turn my beard beard into a neck beard.

429
00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:44,750
[dramatic music playing]

430
00:19:44,833 --> 00:19:47,416
-[barking]
-They're closing in. What do we do?

431
00:19:47,500 --> 00:19:49,708
Grab my waist. I have an idea.

432
00:19:52,166 --> 00:19:54,500
-[alarm blaring]
-[Abbie grunts]

433
00:19:55,541 --> 00:19:59,375
-Uh… Mom?
-Greta? What are you doing here?

434
00:19:59,458 --> 00:20:02,750
There was a note at the auto shop.
I couldn't read your handwriting.

435
00:20:02,833 --> 00:20:07,125
I thought it said, "Headed to junkyard.
Off to butt ham fires."

436
00:20:07,208 --> 00:20:12,500
-No. "Off to hunt vampires."
-Aw, look at these little doggos.

437
00:20:12,583 --> 00:20:14,250
-[growling]
-Ow!

438
00:20:14,333 --> 00:20:15,375
No!

439
00:20:15,458 --> 00:20:18,500
-[dramatic music continues]
-[Greta groaning]

440
00:20:19,708 --> 00:20:21,083
[groans, barks]

441
00:20:21,166 --> 00:20:23,666
There must be some way
to reverse it. Think.

442
00:20:23,750 --> 00:20:27,791
Well, legend has it,
as long as the alpha roams the earth,

443
00:20:27,875 --> 00:20:30,625
its victims will forever be vampugs.

444
00:20:30,708 --> 00:20:33,583
-But no one has ever seen the alpha.
-[loud thud]

445
00:20:33,666 --> 00:20:36,125
[growling, roaring]

446
00:20:36,208 --> 00:20:39,125
What about the house-sized one
with the collar that says "Alpha"?

447
00:20:39,208 --> 00:20:42,041
Huh. Well, fresh eyes, I guess.

448
00:20:42,750 --> 00:20:45,250
-[alarm blaring]
-[both yelling]

449
00:20:46,791 --> 00:20:48,666
-[vampugs growling]
-[Abbie] Hyah!

450
00:20:48,750 --> 00:20:52,333
-Bad dog. Heel. No treats. Bad.
-Hyah!

451
00:20:53,333 --> 00:20:54,333
-[clattering]
-Huh?

452
00:20:54,416 --> 00:20:55,750
[snarling]

453
00:20:55,833 --> 00:20:57,041
Behind you.

454
00:20:59,583 --> 00:21:00,750
[growls softly]

455
00:21:02,250 --> 00:21:03,333
I've got an idea.

456
00:21:05,916 --> 00:21:07,583
[barking, growling]

457
00:21:07,666 --> 00:21:08,958
[grunting]

458
00:21:11,833 --> 00:21:13,250
[barking]

459
00:21:18,500 --> 00:21:20,416
-[soft music playing]
-[Greta panting]

460
00:21:20,500 --> 00:21:23,916
Greta! Thank God you're back to normal.

461
00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:26,041
My nose was pressing on my brain.

462
00:21:26,125 --> 00:21:27,625
Pugs are not okay.

463
00:21:29,291 --> 00:21:30,666
[Abbie] Hmm.

464
00:21:32,791 --> 00:21:35,791
Greta, honey,
I'm sorry for dragging you on this trip.

465
00:21:35,875 --> 00:21:38,708
I was trying to make up for…
Well, you know.

466
00:21:38,791 --> 00:21:41,958
Mom, I know you didn't mean
that you regret having me and Travis.

467
00:21:42,041 --> 00:21:45,916
You just have complex feelings
about trading your career for a family.

468
00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:48,041
I was too hard on you.

469
00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:50,958
[car engine turning]

470
00:21:51,041 --> 00:21:54,333
It's on the house,
and I've got something for you.

471
00:21:54,416 --> 00:21:55,541
[triumphant music plays]

472
00:21:55,625 --> 00:21:56,458
Wow.

473
00:21:56,541 --> 00:21:59,916
I forgot how good it feels
to get a commendation.

474
00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:02,916
It's like burpees for my self-esteem.

475
00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:05,166
You know, I could use a partner.

476
00:22:05,250 --> 00:22:07,416
Ever think of going pro?

477
00:22:10,708 --> 00:22:12,958
Do it, Mom. It'll make you happy.

478
00:22:13,041 --> 00:22:15,125
Greta, I'm already happy.

479
00:22:15,208 --> 00:22:18,333
Besides, being your mom
spikes my adrenaline way more

480
00:22:18,416 --> 00:22:20,041
than monster hunting ever could.

481
00:22:20,125 --> 00:22:23,791
Oh, sorry, I meant the car stuff
was on the house.

482
00:22:23,875 --> 00:22:28,833
Notarization of the Vampire Hunter
certificate is actually 80 bucks.

483
00:22:29,333 --> 00:22:30,416
[groaning]

484
00:22:30,500 --> 00:22:31,750
Keep the change.

485
00:22:31,833 --> 00:22:33,833
Yeah, it's hard to describe.

486
00:22:33,916 --> 00:22:35,375
It's art, sure,

487
00:22:35,458 --> 00:22:38,041
but it's also a commentary on our society.

488
00:22:38,125 --> 00:22:41,250
It's beautiful and tragic, all at once.

489
00:22:41,333 --> 00:22:45,833
Wow, I hope one day you could show me
this butt clap compilation.

490
00:22:46,416 --> 00:22:47,916
[tires screeching]

491
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:50,208
Come on, Trav. We're leaving. Now.

492
00:22:50,291 --> 00:22:53,708
Oh. Looks like I gotta go,
but can I get your number?

493
00:22:54,500 --> 00:22:57,333
Oh, right. Um… Can I get your email?

494
00:22:58,125 --> 00:22:59,458
Oh, right.

495
00:22:59,541 --> 00:23:01,041
[soft music playing]

496
00:23:01,125 --> 00:23:04,666
You could write me a romantic letter,
and then I could write you one back,

497
00:23:04,750 --> 00:23:08,458
and we'll sit by the mailbox and wait
for the postman to arrive each day,

498
00:23:08,541 --> 00:23:09,958
hoping against hope.

499
00:23:10,041 --> 00:23:12,875
-Yeah, I'm not doing that.
-I get it. It's a lot.

500
00:23:13,416 --> 00:23:14,416
Mwah!

501
00:23:16,291 --> 00:23:18,958
Best trip ever!

502
00:23:21,416 --> 00:23:22,583
Abbie, pull over!

503
00:23:22,666 --> 00:23:24,833
-[dramatic music playing]
-[tires screeching]

504
00:23:31,333 --> 00:23:32,375
[gasps] Oh!

505
00:23:32,458 --> 00:23:34,500
[soft music playing]

506
00:23:38,666 --> 00:23:41,166
-[bottle cork popping]
-[laughing]

507
00:23:41,250 --> 00:23:42,708
[suspenseful music playing]

508
00:23:43,791 --> 00:23:45,625
[dramatic sting]

509
00:23:45,708 --> 00:23:46,708
Huh?

510
00:23:48,500 --> 00:23:49,750
["Forest Light" playing]

511
00:23:49,833 --> 00:23:51,375
♪ Leaves that unfold ♪

512
00:23:51,458 --> 00:23:53,708
♪ In the age to come ♪

513
00:23:54,791 --> 00:23:56,500
[Fabio screaming]

514
00:23:57,666 --> 00:24:01,125
♪ As they burst to life ♪

515
00:24:01,208 --> 00:24:03,916
♪ Each great and small ♪

516
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:07,083
♪ For the age to come ♪

517
00:24:07,166 --> 00:24:10,208
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

518
00:24:10,291 --> 00:24:13,166
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

519
00:24:13,875 --> 00:24:16,541
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

520
00:24:16,625 --> 00:24:20,125
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

521
00:24:20,208 --> 00:24:22,791
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

522
00:24:22,875 --> 00:24:26,333
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

523
00:24:26,416 --> 00:24:29,166
♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah  ♪

524
00:24:29,250 --> 00:24:32,708
♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah ,ah ♪

525
00:24:32,791 --> 00:24:38,583
♪ Mark your compass ♪

526
00:24:39,208 --> 00:24:44,583
♪ Larks to follow you home ♪

527
00:24:45,666 --> 00:24:47,541
[music ends]