1
00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:12,000
-[crickets chirping]
-[dogs barking]

2
00:00:13,708 --> 00:00:17,833
Ow. God-freaking-dammit!
Who left a LEGO on the floor?

3
00:00:17,916 --> 00:00:20,833
I did. It was a test. You failed.

4
00:00:20,916 --> 00:00:23,875
Twenty dollars into the swear jar, please.
Thank you.

5
00:00:23,958 --> 00:00:26,833
I am newly re-energized
to help you, humans.

6
00:00:26,916 --> 00:00:28,333
My first order of business,

7
00:00:28,416 --> 00:00:30,750
lead this family
down a path of righteousness,

8
00:00:30,833 --> 00:00:33,625
one unclean vocabulary word at a time.

9
00:00:33,708 --> 00:00:34,666
[tooting]

10
00:00:34,750 --> 00:00:36,291
Did somebody just swear?

11
00:00:36,375 --> 00:00:39,083
Open your mouth for free jellybeans.

12
00:00:40,333 --> 00:00:41,791
Yum! What's this for?

13
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:45,375
Anytime somebody swears,
the Cuss Bus rewards them with jellybeans.

14
00:00:45,458 --> 00:00:47,416
All hail the Cuss Bus.

15
00:00:47,500 --> 00:00:49,375
See, this is the problem…

16
00:00:49,458 --> 00:00:51,333
-Hell's influence on humankind.
-[door opens]

17
00:00:51,416 --> 00:00:52,750
-[footsteps approaching]
-Well, I--

18
00:00:52,833 --> 00:00:54,208
-[Godcat groaning]
-[screaming]

19
00:00:54,291 --> 00:00:55,166
[sighing]

20
00:00:55,250 --> 00:00:59,041
-Coyote gave birth in a Bloomingdale's.
-Jesus ******* Christ!

21
00:01:01,250 --> 00:01:03,250
[theme music playing]

22
00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:16,291
Agent Higgins, code name, Stillwell.

23
00:01:16,375 --> 00:01:19,500
Resuming Mission Good Mom, session 48.

24
00:01:19,583 --> 00:01:20,458
[knocking]

25
00:01:20,541 --> 00:01:22,291
Come on in, Travis.

26
00:01:22,375 --> 00:01:23,791
[motorbike revving]

27
00:01:24,541 --> 00:01:28,875
Oh, I'm sorry.
Travis isn't coming, Doctor Stillwell.

28
00:01:28,958 --> 00:01:30,916
What the-- You're not Travis!

29
00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:33,041
[game narrator]
Sweater missiles, activated.

30
00:01:33,125 --> 00:01:36,166
Or should I say, "Mrs. Higgins"?

31
00:01:37,708 --> 00:01:39,166
[laughing nervously]

32
00:01:39,250 --> 00:01:40,875
Aidan? Is that you?

33
00:01:40,958 --> 00:01:45,458
Technically, my avatar’s name is GUNZ,
spelled with all caps and a Z.

34
00:01:45,541 --> 00:01:46,500
Pretty sweet, huh?

35
00:01:46,583 --> 00:01:48,333
-[rock music playing]
-[Aiden groaning]

36
00:01:48,416 --> 00:01:51,791
Travis knows you’ve been pretending
to be his therapist

37
00:01:51,875 --> 00:01:54,125
in order to spy on him and stuff.

38
00:01:54,208 --> 00:01:56,875
[nervous chuckle] What?
No, that’s not what I--

39
00:01:56,958 --> 00:02:00,083
Travis is sick and tired
of you meddling in his life,

40
00:02:00,166 --> 00:02:02,083
always trying to control him.

41
00:02:02,166 --> 00:02:05,250
He’s running away
to my house where he can be free.

42
00:02:05,333 --> 00:02:07,541
Running away? Oh gosh. Let me talk to--

43
00:02:07,625 --> 00:02:09,916
He’s done talking, Mrs. H.

44
00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:12,125
What he needs is space.

45
00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:15,708
And his ADHD medication,
if you could drop it off at some point.

46
00:02:15,791 --> 00:02:17,875
Thank you so much. GUNZ out!

47
00:02:17,958 --> 00:02:19,958
-[motorbike revving]
-[Abbie gasping]

48
00:02:20,916 --> 00:02:22,500
[school bell ringing]

49
00:02:22,583 --> 00:02:25,083
Finally, as a reminder,
due to budget cutbacks,

50
00:02:25,166 --> 00:02:27,625
the urinals are now only decorative.

51
00:02:27,708 --> 00:02:30,541
Now, I'm pleased to introduce our guest,

52
00:02:30,625 --> 00:02:34,000
billionaire, innovator,
and aspiring comedian,

53
00:02:34,083 --> 00:02:35,916
Jefflon Bezmusk.

54
00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:37,750
[epic music playing]

55
00:02:37,833 --> 00:02:39,375
[Greta] Oh man, he's really here!

56
00:02:39,958 --> 00:02:44,083
Why is this dude dressed
like a Sharper Image got him pregnant?

57
00:02:44,166 --> 00:02:45,750
Aidan, this man is the future.

58
00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:47,166
He's going to colonize Mars,

59
00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:49,291
as soon as he finishes
trying to colonize Twitter.

60
00:02:49,375 --> 00:02:51,708
Greetings, uh, future fulfillment workers.

61
00:02:51,791 --> 00:02:55,333
I'm excited to announce
a countywide rocket competition.

62
00:02:55,416 --> 00:02:58,125
I'm hoping,
by giving back to the community,

63
00:02:58,208 --> 00:03:00,333
you'll ignore those nasty rumors

64
00:03:00,416 --> 00:03:03,125
about me making
my employees' bladders explode.

65
00:03:03,208 --> 00:03:06,791
Uh, the school
that builds the highest-flying projectile

66
00:03:06,875 --> 00:03:10,791
in 24 hours wins an internship
at Space Wrecks.

67
00:03:10,875 --> 00:03:14,500
Now get going,
and remember, reach for the moon.

68
00:03:14,583 --> 00:03:17,000
Even if you miss,
you'll be amongst the stars…

69
00:03:18,416 --> 00:03:21,041
suffocating in a cold, dark vacuum.

70
00:03:21,125 --> 00:03:22,916
[fanfare playing]

71
00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:25,708
So awkward, yet so inspiring.

72
00:03:25,791 --> 00:03:28,125
We must win this contest or die trying.

73
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:30,083
Travis, go home and get my welding apron.

74
00:03:30,166 --> 00:03:32,583
Oh. And my cyanide tablets
in case things go sideways.

75
00:03:32,666 --> 00:03:34,375
They're in my Hello Kitty pencil box.

76
00:03:34,458 --> 00:03:36,916
I'm not going back
to where my mother eavesdrops on me

77
00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:40,083
and takes a big judgey mom dump
on everything I like.

78
00:03:40,166 --> 00:03:42,041
Plus, I told you,
I'm never helping you again

79
00:03:42,125 --> 00:03:44,458
after I woke up
with my fingers sewn together.

80
00:03:44,541 --> 00:03:48,833
Hey. Were you a better swimmer after that?
Yes or no? Well, I can't build it alone.

81
00:03:48,916 --> 00:03:50,166
Hmm.

82
00:03:50,250 --> 00:03:52,083
No can do, ma'am.

83
00:03:52,166 --> 00:03:54,416
The horseshoe team is entirely focused

84
00:03:54,500 --> 00:03:57,458
on beating our rivals
from Frackington on Friday.

85
00:03:57,541 --> 00:04:01,125
God, I hate Frackington so much!

86
00:04:01,625 --> 00:04:02,541
[grunting]

87
00:04:02,625 --> 00:04:04,541
Save it for the game, Hanson.

88
00:04:04,625 --> 00:04:07,250
I just don't understand
why you unpal'd me on Budster.

89
00:04:07,333 --> 00:04:11,041
Well, if I'm really your pal,
why am I not in your Bud Barn?

90
00:04:11,125 --> 00:04:12,916
[groaning]

91
00:04:15,125 --> 00:04:16,916
This is all your fault.

92
00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:18,125
What, puberty?

93
00:04:18,208 --> 00:04:21,916
Yeah. I could've made humans transform
from children straight into adults,

94
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:24,166
but I thought it'd be funny
to combine bad skin

95
00:04:24,250 --> 00:04:25,750
and uncontrollable stiffies.

96
00:04:25,833 --> 00:04:27,333
No, emotions.

97
00:04:27,416 --> 00:04:29,500
My peers are so distracted by them,

98
00:04:29,583 --> 00:04:32,333
they refuse to assist
in my astronautical affairs.

99
00:04:32,416 --> 00:04:34,375
Ah, yes, emotions.

100
00:04:34,458 --> 00:04:37,708
By the time we'd rolled out hangry,
I knew we'd jumped the shark.

101
00:04:37,791 --> 00:04:40,916
-Probably should've installed that update.
-Hm. What update?

102
00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:42,916
Humanity version 2.0.

103
00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:46,750
Gets rid of the unpopular features
like emotions and pinky toes.

104
00:04:47,583 --> 00:04:51,500
And how exactly would you install
this update? Hypothetically.

105
00:04:51,583 --> 00:04:54,875
-Well, uh, first, I'd log into HOL.
-[keys clacking]

106
00:04:54,958 --> 00:04:57,333
Let’s see if I can remember my password.

107
00:04:57,875 --> 00:04:59,666
-[computer buzzes]
-[Godcat] Uh--

108
00:05:00,458 --> 00:05:01,875
-[Godcat mumbles]
-[computer pings]

109
00:05:01,958 --> 00:05:04,250
-[dial-up Internet connecting tone]
-[chuckles] Every time.

110
00:05:04,833 --> 00:05:06,166
[dog barking in distance]

111
00:05:07,208 --> 00:05:09,666
[screaming] Dang it, Devilcat! I…

112
00:05:09,750 --> 00:05:14,458
Never sneak up on a tabletop gamer.
You’re lucky my katana’s in the shop.

113
00:05:14,541 --> 00:05:15,625
"Dang it," Marv?

114
00:05:15,708 --> 00:05:19,916
Don't you mean, "******** it"?

115
00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:24,166
Whoa. I haven't heard words like that
since a crow flew into our dish

116
00:05:24,250 --> 00:05:25,916
and we accidentally got HBO.

117
00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:29,958
Oh, hell no! I mean, oh, heck no.

118
00:05:30,041 --> 00:05:31,833
Marv cannot afford to be evil.

119
00:05:31,916 --> 00:05:34,208
His head already looks like
a volleyball made of skin.

120
00:05:34,291 --> 00:05:37,000
-Imagine if he was evil too.
-Do you guys mind?

121
00:05:37,083 --> 00:05:40,666
Complicated Burrito Store is
a very difficult strategy game,

122
00:05:40,750 --> 00:05:43,125
and I need to focus
if I'm gonna defeat my bully

123
00:05:43,208 --> 00:05:44,875
at the gaming café tomorrow.

124
00:05:44,958 --> 00:05:47,958
You have a bully
besides the burden of life itself?

125
00:05:48,041 --> 00:05:51,916
Everyone at the gaming café suffers
under the tyranny of Francis.

126
00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:53,750
[mysterious music playing]

127
00:05:53,833 --> 00:05:55,833
[Marv] From his crushing snack packs,

128
00:05:55,916 --> 00:05:58,208
to his infamous booger brands.

129
00:05:58,708 --> 00:06:02,250
Worst of all,
he always wins underhandedly,

130
00:06:02,333 --> 00:06:04,750
thanks to his twenty-pocket cargo shorts.

131
00:06:04,833 --> 00:06:08,208
But if I could just beat Francis
once and for all,

132
00:06:08,291 --> 00:06:10,666
maybe we could all game
in peace once again.

133
00:06:10,750 --> 00:06:12,333
Maybe you should cheat, Marv.

134
00:06:12,416 --> 00:06:14,166
Marv cheat? Please.

135
00:06:14,250 --> 00:06:16,333
He leaves a tip on his tax returns.

136
00:06:16,416 --> 00:06:19,958
But you could be the big dog
at the gaming café,

137
00:06:20,041 --> 00:06:23,291
deciding what ginger ale
goes in the vending machine… [grunts]

138
00:06:23,375 --> 00:06:25,791
…growing that ponytail
you've always dreamed about,

139
00:06:25,875 --> 00:06:28,333
all thick and bouncy.

140
00:06:28,416 --> 00:06:32,041
Hands off. Marv is
my pastrami-scented Play-Doh person,

141
00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:34,583
and I will sculpt him in my image.

142
00:06:34,666 --> 00:06:38,708
-Since when do you care about humans?
-Humans are growing on me.

143
00:06:38,791 --> 00:06:41,708
I mean sure, they're basically
just monkeys who can use a toilet,

144
00:06:41,791 --> 00:06:43,583
but they're my toilet monkeys,

145
00:06:43,666 --> 00:06:46,000
and there's no way
I'm letting you corrupt them.

146
00:06:46,083 --> 00:06:49,583
Oh, there's no way I can corrupt him?
How about a little wager?

147
00:06:49,666 --> 00:06:53,000
We both try to sway Marv.
Good versus evil.

148
00:06:53,083 --> 00:06:55,875
If you win, I won't interfere
in your little Higgins project,

149
00:06:55,958 --> 00:06:57,125
but if I win…

150
00:06:57,208 --> 00:06:59,333
[in demonic voice] I get Marv's soul.

151
00:06:59,416 --> 00:07:03,166
-What are you guys talking about?
-I accept. So how do you wanna do this?

152
00:07:03,250 --> 00:07:07,416
[in normal voice] What if we shrink down
and jump in his ears like little AirPods?

153
00:07:07,500 --> 00:07:08,875
-[mystical tone]
-[both grunting]

154
00:07:08,958 --> 00:07:12,041
Ahh! What the-- Cats in my ears!

155
00:07:12,125 --> 00:07:13,083
All right, Marv,

156
00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:17,000
let’s prove that you can be righteous
and still prevail. Then-- Oh.

157
00:07:17,083 --> 00:07:21,000
Hang on, what are these fleshy bongos
at the bottom of your ear?

158
00:07:21,083 --> 00:07:23,083
[laughing] I'm gonna play those.

159
00:07:23,708 --> 00:07:25,708
-[Godcat humming]
-[drums beating]

160
00:07:25,791 --> 00:07:27,875
-[screaming]
-[grunting]

161
00:07:27,958 --> 00:07:31,666
Great work, Abbie. Somehow, in trying
to get closer to your son… [grunts]

162
00:07:31,750 --> 00:07:34,250
…you managed to completely… [grunts]

163
00:07:34,333 --> 00:07:36,583
drive him away!

164
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:40,250
[grunting]

165
00:07:41,708 --> 00:07:43,708
[pleasant music playing]

166
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:47,708
[gasping, crying]

167
00:07:49,416 --> 00:07:51,000
Huh. Abbie?

168
00:07:51,083 --> 00:07:52,333
Sorry about that.

169
00:07:52,833 --> 00:07:54,916
Lost my… head.

170
00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:55,916
Are you okay?

171
00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:58,333
Travis ran away
because of something stupid I did,

172
00:07:58,416 --> 00:08:02,166
and I'm worried I might've…
pushed him away for good.

173
00:08:02,666 --> 00:08:03,625
[sighing]

174
00:08:03,708 --> 00:08:07,833
Karen, your family seems so happy.
How do you do it?

175
00:08:07,916 --> 00:08:09,416
You wanna know how I do it?

176
00:08:09,500 --> 00:08:10,333
[mystical tone]

177
00:08:10,416 --> 00:08:12,000
Large breasts?

178
00:08:12,083 --> 00:08:14,041
No, Cheer Charm.

179
00:08:14,125 --> 00:08:17,833
I've used Cheer Charm's
patented philosophy of positive thinking

180
00:08:17,916 --> 00:08:23,208
to be the best mother, wife,
and non-salaried businesswoman I can be.

181
00:08:23,291 --> 00:08:25,916
And for a small investment, you can too.

182
00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:29,833
-Oh. Sort of sounds like a pyramid scheme.
-Pyramids?

183
00:08:29,916 --> 00:08:32,958
The things Egyptians built
for fun and exercise--

184
00:08:33,041 --> 00:08:37,250
Forget it. I thought you loved your son,
but I'll just put these away.

185
00:08:37,333 --> 00:08:39,291
No, no, no, wait. Leave them out.

186
00:08:39,375 --> 00:08:41,125
I do wanna be a better mom,

187
00:08:41,208 --> 00:08:44,291
and if you say Cheer Charm will help,
I'll do it.

188
00:08:44,375 --> 00:08:47,875
Great! I'd be happy to give you
a Cheer-ification consultation,

189
00:08:47,958 --> 00:08:49,958
if you think you're up to it.

190
00:08:50,041 --> 00:08:51,208
Up to it?

191
00:08:51,291 --> 00:08:54,833
[laughs] Please. I've slept
in a disemboweled caribou carcass.

192
00:08:54,916 --> 00:08:58,166
For like a military mission?

193
00:08:58,250 --> 00:09:00,875
No, we got scammed by Airbnb.

194
00:09:01,458 --> 00:09:03,958
Skorttles for dinner was clutch.

195
00:09:04,041 --> 00:09:06,000
This would never fly at my house.

196
00:09:06,083 --> 00:09:09,583
It must suck having parents
who are always making you eat healthy

197
00:09:09,666 --> 00:09:11,583
and caring about you and stuff. Huh.

198
00:09:12,083 --> 00:09:15,750
Anyway, my stepparents
should stay out of our way.

199
00:09:15,833 --> 00:09:20,208
Wait, you have two stepparents?
How is that even possible?

200
00:09:20,291 --> 00:09:22,166
Well, my dad left when I was five.

201
00:09:22,250 --> 00:09:24,666
Then my mom married Phil,
but then she left.

202
00:09:24,750 --> 00:09:28,291
Then Phil married Elaine,
but he peaced out pretty soon after that.

203
00:09:28,375 --> 00:09:33,041
Then Elaine actually dated my real dad
for a while until he ran off with my mom.

204
00:09:33,125 --> 00:09:35,791
Then Elaine married…
I wanna call him… Dave?

205
00:09:35,875 --> 00:09:36,875
Seems nice.

206
00:09:36,958 --> 00:09:38,541
I caught him stripping copper wire

207
00:09:38,625 --> 00:09:40,583
from our breaker box
and selling it online,

208
00:09:40,666 --> 00:09:42,416
but I don’t wanna
bust his balls. [slurping]

209
00:09:42,500 --> 00:09:47,833
Point is, Casa de Aidan is
a totally parentally unsupervised zone.

210
00:09:47,916 --> 00:09:50,333
-We can do whatever we want.
-Yeah!

211
00:09:50,416 --> 00:09:52,791
-[bears growling]
-[heavy metal music playing]

212
00:09:52,875 --> 00:09:55,708
[both] Polar bear knife fight!

213
00:09:55,791 --> 00:09:58,458
I'm just global warming up.

214
00:10:00,375 --> 00:10:04,958
I heard this is rated R
for violence and language.

215
00:10:05,041 --> 00:10:06,708
Let's frickin' go!

216
00:10:06,791 --> 00:10:09,125
-[woman screaming]
-[Travis crying]

217
00:10:09,208 --> 00:10:12,166
-Too scary.
-Even the language was scary.

218
00:10:12,250 --> 00:10:14,458
Too scary. Too scary.

219
00:10:14,541 --> 00:10:16,208
[upbeat music playing]

220
00:10:21,291 --> 00:10:22,833
[laughing]

221
00:10:29,208 --> 00:10:31,583
[Aiden gagging]

222
00:10:32,083 --> 00:10:33,416
[upbeat music continues]

223
00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:35,833
-Yeah!
-Yeah!

224
00:10:35,916 --> 00:10:38,583
-Ahh!
-[laughing]

225
00:10:39,625 --> 00:10:40,541
[school bell ringing]

226
00:10:40,625 --> 00:10:41,625
Hmm.

227
00:10:41,708 --> 00:10:44,916
Let's test this update
on a smaller sample size.

228
00:10:45,500 --> 00:10:47,291
Excluding myself, of course.

229
00:10:47,375 --> 00:10:49,375
[mystical tone]

230
00:10:50,583 --> 00:10:53,875
[blowing whistle]
Boys, I only know two things.

231
00:10:53,958 --> 00:10:58,666
The sex-ed curriculum I am mandated
to teach by State and throwin' shoe.

232
00:10:58,750 --> 00:11:01,750
Now, I want you
to treat this Frackington team

233
00:11:01,833 --> 00:11:07,250
like the female reproductive system treats
the uterine lining during menstruation!

234
00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:09,416
-[all cheering]
-[computer beeping]

235
00:11:09,500 --> 00:11:10,750
Oh yeah!

236
00:11:10,833 --> 00:11:11,958
[all screaming]

237
00:11:14,208 --> 00:11:16,791
[coach] Okay, not quite the response
I was hoping for.

238
00:11:16,875 --> 00:11:19,291
Hanson! I thought you hated Frackington!

239
00:11:19,375 --> 00:11:22,166
I hate nothing. I love nothing.

240
00:11:22,250 --> 00:11:24,125
I feel nothing at all.

241
00:11:24,208 --> 00:11:27,875
If I'm not in your Bud Barn,
you belong in my Stranger Manger.

242
00:11:27,958 --> 00:11:28,791
[groaning]

243
00:11:28,875 --> 00:11:30,708
-[dramatic music playing]
-[both screaming]

244
00:11:30,791 --> 00:11:34,166
Farm-based fraternizing is futile.

245
00:11:34,250 --> 00:11:38,041
[Greta] Attention, students. Please report
to the gymnasium immediately.

246
00:11:38,125 --> 00:11:39,750
[snare drums playing]

247
00:11:39,833 --> 00:11:43,000
I have called you here today
to ensure that we,

248
00:11:43,083 --> 00:11:47,416
the students of Horkville High,
win the rocket competition this afternoon.

249
00:11:48,125 --> 00:11:49,750
Students, assemble!

250
00:11:51,125 --> 00:11:55,500
On the sixth day, God created humans.
Today, I perfected them.

251
00:11:55,583 --> 00:11:58,083
Hey, my first god complex. [laughing]

252
00:12:01,416 --> 00:12:05,000
Okay, Marv, remember, evil may seem bad,

253
00:12:05,083 --> 00:12:08,000
but so many cool things
were once considered evil.

254
00:12:08,083 --> 00:12:10,583
Wolves, chocolate, Germans.

255
00:12:10,666 --> 00:12:12,458
[grunts] No, Marv. Bad.

256
00:12:12,541 --> 00:12:16,083
Holy things can be cool too, like… uh,

257
00:12:16,166 --> 00:12:19,666
the missionary position
or tramp stamps that say "blessed."

258
00:12:19,750 --> 00:12:21,250
[dramatic tone]

259
00:12:21,333 --> 00:12:25,250
Looks like this burrito store
just got a lot more complicated.

260
00:12:25,333 --> 00:12:26,625
[hair whipping]

261
00:12:26,708 --> 00:12:31,375
So, Hoggins and his piggy pals
want a game with the Cargo King.

262
00:12:32,125 --> 00:12:34,458
You know the drill. Pay to play.

263
00:12:34,541 --> 00:12:35,375
[hair whipping]

264
00:12:38,208 --> 00:12:39,291
[dramatic music playing]

265
00:12:39,375 --> 00:12:40,666
Here's your chance, Marv.

266
00:12:40,750 --> 00:12:44,375
Slip him some laxatives.
Let's call an air strike on his butthole.

267
00:12:44,458 --> 00:12:47,416
Don't do it.
Just say something biblical like,

268
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:50,583
"Thou shalt not covet
thy neighbor's Zesty Corn Balls."

269
00:12:50,666 --> 00:12:52,000
Quiet!

270
00:12:53,625 --> 00:12:55,208
[dramatic music plays]

271
00:12:55,291 --> 00:12:59,083
That's right, little pup.
Big dog gets his Corn Balls.

272
00:12:59,166 --> 00:13:00,500
-[Godcat sighs]
-[Devilcat groans]

273
00:13:00,583 --> 00:13:02,041
[Godcat tsking]

274
00:13:02,125 --> 00:13:04,583
[Karen] I used to be
just like you, Abigail.

275
00:13:04,666 --> 00:13:09,625
Lost, afraid, having an emotional affair
with the tech support chatbot

276
00:13:09,708 --> 00:13:10,916
just to feel something.

277
00:13:11,500 --> 00:13:12,333
Anything.

278
00:13:13,041 --> 00:13:14,625
Then I found Cheer Charm.

279
00:13:14,708 --> 00:13:15,583
Ta-da.

280
00:13:15,666 --> 00:13:19,333
With this Smile Till It Hurts Starter Set,
every corner of your home

281
00:13:19,416 --> 00:13:23,375
offers a helpful reminder
that feeling bad is a choice and--

282
00:13:23,458 --> 00:13:26,125
I'm not sure Lincoln said that.

283
00:13:26,208 --> 00:13:28,958
[chuckles] Okay, Ken Burns.

284
00:13:29,041 --> 00:13:32,666
See, you have
what we call a cheer condition.

285
00:13:32,750 --> 00:13:35,500
Your body is literally rejecting charm.

286
00:13:35,583 --> 00:13:39,125
It's no wonder your home
was so intolerable for young Travis.

287
00:13:39,208 --> 00:13:40,875
You really think he wouldn't have run away

288
00:13:40,958 --> 00:13:44,250
if I had just
"turned my brain frown upside down"?

289
00:13:44,333 --> 00:13:49,500
Let's toast to that
with a glass of CheerVine Charm-donnay.

290
00:13:49,583 --> 00:13:50,458
[buzzing]

291
00:13:50,541 --> 00:13:52,375
Ow! What was that?

292
00:13:52,458 --> 00:13:53,958
Probably just a bee.

293
00:13:54,041 --> 00:13:56,791
They're drawn to
the wine's high sugar content.

294
00:13:56,875 --> 00:14:00,833
My throat is tightening, starting to hurt.

295
00:14:00,916 --> 00:14:05,083
Now, Abbie, you know
what we say about pain at Cheer Charm.

296
00:14:05,166 --> 00:14:09,291
"Pain is just French
for yummy, fresh-baked bread."

297
00:14:10,041 --> 00:14:11,791
[moaning, groaning]

298
00:14:11,875 --> 00:14:12,791
[mic feedback]

299
00:14:12,875 --> 00:14:16,625
Welcome to the first
annual Besmusk Rocket Competition.

300
00:14:16,708 --> 00:14:19,541
Best of luck,
and remember not to read anything

301
00:14:19,625 --> 00:14:22,458
into my obsession
with enormous metal phalluses.

302
00:14:22,541 --> 00:14:24,541
[inspirational music playing]

303
00:14:27,916 --> 00:14:33,083
It is my honor to present our rocket,
the Hot and Heavy Sky Sizzler.

304
00:14:33,583 --> 00:14:36,958
I mistakenly let the Internet name it
via online poll.

305
00:14:37,041 --> 00:14:39,541
Well, if it flies as well as it looks,

306
00:14:39,625 --> 00:14:41,583
that internship is yours.

307
00:14:41,666 --> 00:14:44,625
Did you hear that?
Mr. Bezmusk thinks we might win.

308
00:14:44,708 --> 00:14:49,083
Steps have been taken
to ensure 100% likelihood of success.

309
00:14:49,166 --> 00:14:50,708
[beeps]

310
00:14:53,166 --> 00:14:56,625
You're sabotaging the competition?
But that's deeply unethical.

311
00:14:56,708 --> 00:14:59,875
[all] There is no right or wrong.
Only victory.

312
00:14:59,958 --> 00:15:00,875
[people gasping]

313
00:15:00,958 --> 00:15:02,541
[dramatic music playing]

314
00:15:06,500 --> 00:15:08,291
It appears that removing their emotions

315
00:15:08,375 --> 00:15:12,166
has turned them into an amoral army
of task-driven automata.

316
00:15:12,250 --> 00:15:16,625
Your emotionality is impeding
the progress of the objective.

317
00:15:16,708 --> 00:15:18,041
[gasps] Huh?

318
00:15:18,125 --> 00:15:19,416
[electric fizzing]

319
00:15:20,916 --> 00:15:22,125
[Greta] Oh no!

320
00:15:22,208 --> 00:15:26,125
The students' emotions are combining
into some sort of toxic sludge.

321
00:15:28,625 --> 00:15:32,333
I have tears of joy and smiles of pain!

322
00:15:32,833 --> 00:15:37,916
You're all gaslighting me,
and I have no idea what that even means!

323
00:15:38,500 --> 00:15:40,041
[people screaming]

324
00:15:41,708 --> 00:15:43,250
[heavy metal music playing]

325
00:15:43,333 --> 00:15:44,875
[Travis moaning]

326
00:15:45,500 --> 00:15:48,708
Man, we've been streaming for six hours.

327
00:15:48,791 --> 00:15:51,541
The insides
of my eyelids feel like Triscuits.

328
00:15:51,625 --> 00:15:53,000
Squirt this in your eyes.

329
00:15:53,083 --> 00:15:56,000
It's a mix of saline
and expired Four Loko.

330
00:15:56,083 --> 00:15:57,833
Do you have anything for breakfast?

331
00:15:57,916 --> 00:16:01,958
We could melt some Skorttles
in the microwave. Make some Skortmeal.

332
00:16:02,041 --> 00:16:05,541
You know, I'd kind of prefer,
and I can't believe I'm saying this,

333
00:16:05,625 --> 00:16:08,375
something a little more… healthy.

334
00:16:08,458 --> 00:16:10,125
Dang, dude.

335
00:16:10,208 --> 00:16:13,458
You sound like
my family court-ordered nutritionist.

336
00:16:13,541 --> 00:16:15,708
Your parents got you brainwashed.

337
00:16:15,791 --> 00:16:20,375
Hey, you know what? I don't need you,
or my mom, or that singing leprechaun

338
00:16:20,458 --> 00:16:22,000
with meatballs for eyes.

339
00:16:22,083 --> 00:16:24,291
Ugh, man, I really need food.

340
00:16:24,375 --> 00:16:26,375
["Everybody's Talkin'"
by Harry Nilsson playing]

341
00:16:30,041 --> 00:16:30,958
[groans]

342
00:16:32,833 --> 00:16:35,250
♪ Everybody's talkin' at me ♪

343
00:16:36,833 --> 00:16:39,333
-♪ I don't hear a word they're sayin' ♪
-[gags]

344
00:16:40,916 --> 00:16:41,916
♪ Only the echo-- ♪

345
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:44,000
Son, you're over the weight limit.

346
00:16:48,875 --> 00:16:52,291
I play… Salsa Picante.

347
00:16:52,375 --> 00:16:55,333
Guacamole. No onions.

348
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:56,875
[sighing]

349
00:16:57,458 --> 00:16:58,500
Dang, he's good.

350
00:16:58,583 --> 00:17:00,375
Yeah, because he cheats.

351
00:17:00,458 --> 00:17:03,333
-So play a little dirty yourself.
-No, Marv.

352
00:17:03,416 --> 00:17:06,791
Commit righteous violence instead.
Kick him in his fuzzy apricots.

353
00:17:06,875 --> 00:17:08,083
[laughing nervously]

354
00:17:08,166 --> 00:17:11,791
I just remembered,
I-- I need to call my… mouth doctor.

355
00:17:13,166 --> 00:17:14,666
[phone ringing]

356
00:17:15,750 --> 00:17:18,583
Ugh. First sign of conflict
and you go pee?

357
00:17:18,666 --> 00:17:20,166
What are you, a kitten?

358
00:17:20,250 --> 00:17:23,750
-Also, why aren't you using the urinal?
-Oh, I sit down to whiz.

359
00:17:23,833 --> 00:17:24,958
It's more hygienic,

360
00:17:25,041 --> 00:17:28,416
plus it puts me in launch position
if I decide to go to DEFCON 2.

361
00:17:28,500 --> 00:17:29,333
[door opens]

362
00:17:29,416 --> 00:17:32,458
Sarah, please.
I didn't know you'd be home so soon.

363
00:17:32,541 --> 00:17:35,541
You were never meant to see what I
was doing to that sack of raw chicken.

364
00:17:35,625 --> 00:17:36,875
[door closes]

365
00:17:36,958 --> 00:17:38,916
-Ugh. Barf.
-Gross.

366
00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:42,166
I don't understand.
Did-- Did he use the wrong marinade?

367
00:17:42,666 --> 00:17:45,541
My boobs refuse to grow at the same rate.

368
00:17:45,625 --> 00:17:50,041
I looked at too many TikTok filters,
and now my real face seems weird.

369
00:17:50,125 --> 00:17:51,875
I am on fire.

370
00:17:51,958 --> 00:17:54,458
This is 100% true.

371
00:17:54,583 --> 00:17:56,750
-It's not safe here. We have to go!
-[glass shatters]

372
00:17:56,833 --> 00:17:58,041
[suspenseful music playing]

373
00:17:59,125 --> 00:18:00,708
[grunting, growling]

374
00:18:01,625 --> 00:18:04,291
Hmm. Not Skorttles.

375
00:18:04,791 --> 00:18:07,916
Travis, what are you--
Wow. Are you eating a vegetable?

376
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:12,250
-Where's my phone? I should record this.
-It's a long story. Basically--

377
00:18:13,291 --> 00:18:15,375
-[screaming]
-[yelling]

378
00:18:15,875 --> 00:18:17,833
Parents are so mean!

379
00:18:17,916 --> 00:18:19,041
[roaring]

380
00:18:20,041 --> 00:18:21,625
Gonna have to hear about it later.

381
00:18:21,708 --> 00:18:22,708
[dramatic music continues]

382
00:18:22,791 --> 00:18:25,041
[Travis panting, screaming]

383
00:18:25,125 --> 00:18:26,625
What the hell was that?

384
00:18:26,708 --> 00:18:29,500
Some kind of plasmic projection
of our classmates' emotions

385
00:18:29,583 --> 00:18:31,333
that fused into that thing.

386
00:18:32,041 --> 00:18:33,458
[police sirens wailing]

387
00:18:34,291 --> 00:18:36,875
[growling, grunting]

388
00:18:36,958 --> 00:18:39,000
[roaring]

389
00:18:40,041 --> 00:18:41,583
[screeching]

390
00:18:43,208 --> 00:18:45,958
Oh no! It's absorbing
other people's emotions now.

391
00:18:46,041 --> 00:18:49,541
We have to get to the computer lab
to redistribute their emotions.

392
00:18:49,625 --> 00:18:51,416
Distract that thing.

393
00:18:51,500 --> 00:18:53,750
Wait! How am I supposed to do that?

394
00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:55,333
Greta! [groans]

395
00:18:56,166 --> 00:19:00,125
It's like my entire family hears me,
but no one ever actually listens.

396
00:19:00,208 --> 00:19:01,041
[Travis gasps]

397
00:19:01,125 --> 00:19:05,291
That's exactly how I feel.
License and registration, please.

398
00:19:05,375 --> 00:19:06,500
[Marv whimpering]

399
00:19:06,583 --> 00:19:07,791
[dramatic music playing]

400
00:19:07,875 --> 00:19:09,708
Your move, Hoggins.

401
00:19:11,833 --> 00:19:13,875
Is the cilantro bonus good?

402
00:19:13,958 --> 00:19:17,833
Of course cilantro isn't good.
My dad actually invented it.

403
00:19:17,916 --> 00:19:21,000
Until him, no demon could figure out
how to ruin tacos.

404
00:19:23,666 --> 00:19:25,541
[gasping] I can't believe it.

405
00:19:25,625 --> 00:19:28,000
The best card in the game,
and he dropped it.

406
00:19:28,083 --> 00:19:31,083
The Patronage of Steven Seagal.

407
00:19:31,166 --> 00:19:33,125
With that one card signifying that actor,

408
00:19:33,208 --> 00:19:37,208
musician, martial artist Steven Seagal
patronized my burrito store,

409
00:19:37,291 --> 00:19:39,958
I would win
no matter what Francis has in his pockets.

410
00:19:40,041 --> 00:19:43,958
What are you waiting for?
This human fanny pack is eating you alive.

411
00:19:44,041 --> 00:19:45,416
Play the damn card!

412
00:19:45,500 --> 00:19:49,583
I hate to say it, but I'm with her.
This guy is a monster.

413
00:19:49,666 --> 00:19:53,625
Sometimes, to serve the greater good,
you have to be Above the Law.

414
00:19:53,708 --> 00:19:54,583
Good movie.

415
00:19:54,666 --> 00:19:57,375
It's a great movie. Now play that Seagal.

416
00:19:57,458 --> 00:19:59,416
[dramatic music playing]

417
00:20:02,916 --> 00:20:05,833
I've only got one card to play,
so here it goes.

418
00:20:06,958 --> 00:20:09,583
Hey, Francis, tell me something.

419
00:20:09,666 --> 00:20:12,875
Are those tacos on the game board chicken?

420
00:20:12,958 --> 00:20:13,916
[dramatic sting]

421
00:20:14,708 --> 00:20:17,875
And is the chicken cooked or raw?

422
00:20:17,958 --> 00:20:21,791
Either you forfeit the game,
or we all have a nice conversation

423
00:20:21,875 --> 00:20:25,625
about the raw chicken you love so much.

424
00:20:25,708 --> 00:20:28,875
I… How did you-- I forfeit!

425
00:20:28,958 --> 00:20:31,458
You win. You win forever!

426
00:20:32,166 --> 00:20:34,458
Now bow to me, Cargo Boy.

427
00:20:34,541 --> 00:20:36,750
Bow to Marvelous Higgins.

428
00:20:36,833 --> 00:20:40,458
-Kiss the sweet sock sandals of a king!
-[all cheering]

429
00:20:40,958 --> 00:20:42,875
So, to answer your question,

430
00:20:42,958 --> 00:20:45,708
it's not weird that the smell
of meatloaf makes you horny.

431
00:20:45,791 --> 00:20:50,375
Wow. I feel way better. Where'd you learn
to be such a good listener?

432
00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:54,333
My therapist, who turned out
to be my mom in a video game.

433
00:20:54,416 --> 00:20:56,125
It's kind of a long story. You see--

434
00:20:56,208 --> 00:20:58,208
[blob groaning, moaning]

435
00:20:59,166 --> 00:21:00,750
[all screaming]

436
00:21:02,375 --> 00:21:03,833
[all grunting, groaning]

437
00:21:05,250 --> 00:21:09,250
I did it. I uninstalled the update.
Did they get their emotions back?

438
00:21:09,333 --> 00:21:10,708
One way to find out.

439
00:21:10,791 --> 00:21:15,000
Hey, everyone, I like watching TikToks
of zits being popped!

440
00:21:15,083 --> 00:21:17,125
-Eat my butt with a fork.
-[man] You are very sick.

441
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:19,541
[uplifting music playing]

442
00:21:21,375 --> 00:21:23,166
Hi, family.

443
00:21:23,250 --> 00:21:24,291
[both screaming]

444
00:21:24,375 --> 00:21:25,750
[dramatic music playing]

445
00:21:27,083 --> 00:21:28,375
[gulping]

446
00:21:29,125 --> 00:21:29,958
Aah.

447
00:21:30,041 --> 00:21:33,666
The heck?! Mom, what's up with your face?
Are you having an allergic reaction?

448
00:21:33,750 --> 00:21:37,083
No. It's not an allergic reaction.

449
00:21:37,166 --> 00:21:40,833
It's a manifestation of my negativity.

450
00:21:40,916 --> 00:21:42,250
That does not make sense.

451
00:21:42,333 --> 00:21:43,375
[groans]

452
00:21:43,458 --> 00:21:47,875
I figured if it worked for Karen,
Miss Perfect Mom, it'd work for me.

453
00:21:47,958 --> 00:21:50,083
But it's pointless.

454
00:21:50,166 --> 00:21:54,625
Mom, listen. At first,
I was mad about what you did.

455
00:21:55,166 --> 00:21:59,666
But after being over at Aidan's,
I kind of get it. You care about me.

456
00:21:59,750 --> 00:22:01,750
That's why you don't feed me candy
for dinner,

457
00:22:01,833 --> 00:22:05,541
and why my bed isn't a pile of laundry
held together with an extension cord.

458
00:22:05,625 --> 00:22:07,000
[both grunting]

459
00:22:09,166 --> 00:22:10,875
[sneezing]

460
00:22:10,958 --> 00:22:12,291
[both cheering]

461
00:22:13,958 --> 00:22:17,375
I'm proud of you, Marv.
You didn't do anything underhanded,

462
00:22:17,458 --> 00:22:20,791
and you still defeated that eighth-grader
in a 40-year-old's body.

463
00:22:20,875 --> 00:22:22,916
Francis has been bullying me for years,

464
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:25,750
and I just took it
until you two motivated me.

465
00:22:25,833 --> 00:22:27,291
Thank you.

466
00:22:27,375 --> 00:22:29,208
Abbie, where are the Q-tips?

467
00:22:29,291 --> 00:22:33,000
I had cats in my ears,
and one of them did something gross.

468
00:22:34,041 --> 00:22:40,916
You know, I can't believe I'm saying this,
but you make a half-decent Antichrist.

469
00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:41,833
Nice work.

470
00:22:41,916 --> 00:22:44,166
Thanks. You're good at your thing too.

471
00:22:44,250 --> 00:22:47,625
Humans are lucky to have you.
I'm still gonna destroy you.

472
00:22:47,708 --> 00:22:51,000
[in demonic voice] The streets
will run red with bubbly blood vomit.

473
00:22:51,083 --> 00:22:55,166
Fire balls from the butts
of the innocent. You get it.

474
00:22:55,250 --> 00:22:56,291
Uh-huh.

475
00:22:56,375 --> 00:22:59,500
Well, if evil does win out one day,
and it won't,

476
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:03,791
take it easy on these humans, okay?
I actually kind of like them.

477
00:23:04,583 --> 00:23:06,208
Hey, double or nothing.

478
00:23:06,291 --> 00:23:08,166
The dad and the daughter's soul say

479
00:23:08,250 --> 00:23:10,750
I can chug a bottle
of ranch faster than you.

480
00:23:10,833 --> 00:23:14,625
Yea, though I walk through
the Hidden Valley of the shadow of ranch.

481
00:23:14,708 --> 00:23:16,333
[both laughing]

482
00:23:18,041 --> 00:23:22,208
[closing theme music playing]