1
00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:11,375
[dramatic music playing]

2
00:00:11,458 --> 00:00:12,708
[man screaming]

3
00:00:12,791 --> 00:00:15,916
Please, please make it stop!

4
00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:21,416
[crying] No more biting nipple hamsters!
I beg you!

5
00:00:21,500 --> 00:00:25,916
I'm sorry I made my family watch movies
with the subtitles on!

6
00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:28,875
I repent! I repent!

7
00:00:28,958 --> 00:00:30,750
[demonic voice] I'll take it from here.

8
00:00:30,833 --> 00:00:32,750
Hello, Doug.

9
00:00:32,833 --> 00:00:35,416
I am Beelzebub.

10
00:00:35,500 --> 00:00:37,833
If you thought this was painful,

11
00:00:37,916 --> 00:00:42,041
wait until the dark Mephistopheles
tortures you with…

12
00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:44,541
cringey dad jokes!

13
00:00:44,625 --> 00:00:48,708
[in normal voice] Okay, where did
Gargle the Defiler keep his armies?

14
00:00:48,791 --> 00:00:49,708
[Doug] Uh…

15
00:00:49,791 --> 00:00:52,416
In his sleevies!

16
00:00:52,500 --> 00:00:53,833
[Beelzebub laughing]

17
00:00:54,583 --> 00:00:55,458
[goblin sighing]

18
00:00:55,541 --> 00:01:01,333
[clearing throat] Beelzebub, the board
of directors wants to see you now.

19
00:01:01,416 --> 00:01:04,791
Boy, am I glad your father isn't here
to see this.

20
00:01:04,875 --> 00:01:10,041
He was the greatest Satan ever. The man
who designed the Trader Joe's parking lot.

21
00:01:10,125 --> 00:01:12,958
Meanwhile, we're getting reports
that you're torturing humans

22
00:01:13,041 --> 00:01:18,208
with laggy internet, Baby Shark,
and horseradish-flavored Pepsi?

23
00:01:18,291 --> 00:01:20,958
Horseradish-flavored Diet Pepsi.

24
00:01:21,041 --> 00:01:23,916
And now,
we hear you're doing Segway tours.

25
00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:26,875
You've added waterfront dining
to the River Styx.

26
00:01:26,958 --> 00:01:29,416
Look, we're sending you up to Earth.

27
00:01:29,500 --> 00:01:32,333
Heaven recently sent God there
in a cat's body,

28
00:01:32,416 --> 00:01:36,375
and we think that's a pretty good idea
we could steal as our own.

29
00:01:36,458 --> 00:01:38,583
Go up and work on your evil game.

30
00:01:38,666 --> 00:01:41,041
My evil game doesn't need work.

31
00:01:41,125 --> 00:01:43,541
Okay, bon voyage, Your Excellency.

32
00:01:43,625 --> 00:01:44,958
[gavel banging]

33
00:01:45,041 --> 00:01:49,541
-[dramatic music playing]
-[Beelzebub screaming]

34
00:01:50,333 --> 00:01:51,208
[rattling]

35
00:01:52,208 --> 00:01:53,166
Oh!

36
00:01:53,250 --> 00:01:54,166
[yowls]

37
00:01:54,250 --> 00:01:56,250
[dramatic music playing]

38
00:02:02,250 --> 00:02:07,666
Long story short, I've come
to make your life here hell on earth!

39
00:02:08,250 --> 00:02:09,708
Mw-ha-ha-ha-ha--

40
00:02:09,791 --> 00:02:11,250
[choking]

41
00:02:11,333 --> 00:02:12,375
-[coughs]
-[mouse squeaking]

42
00:02:12,458 --> 00:02:14,708
Yeah, is Hell even that bad?

43
00:02:14,791 --> 00:02:17,208
I heard it got way better
once you guys added that Fast Pass.

44
00:02:17,291 --> 00:02:21,166
I had to. The lines were insane.
I did make signing up annoying, though.

45
00:02:21,250 --> 00:02:23,875
There's a whole email confirmation step
and-- Hey!

46
00:02:23,958 --> 00:02:28,625
As Lord Satan, I command you
to open this enchanted robot wall!

47
00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:31,666
-[banging]
-Open the door! Open it!

48
00:02:33,583 --> 00:02:34,541
[heavenly tone plays]

49
00:02:35,583 --> 00:02:37,833
[horns honking]

50
00:02:37,916 --> 00:02:40,291
-[soft music playing]
-[label machine clicking]

51
00:02:40,375 --> 00:02:44,666
Marv, Mr. Bulkington wants
to see you in his office right away.

52
00:02:44,750 --> 00:02:45,916
[Marv whimpering]

53
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:48,500
[Mr. Bulkington] Marv,
some people might look down there

54
00:02:48,583 --> 00:02:50,500
and just see folks shopping,

55
00:02:50,583 --> 00:02:56,708
but what I see is 640 ounces
of canola oil finding a new home.

56
00:02:56,791 --> 00:02:59,333
Y-- Yes, sir. Very oily, sir.

57
00:02:59,416 --> 00:03:03,833
Marv, I called you in because
the world's biggest tartar sauce company

58
00:03:03,916 --> 00:03:06,041
approached us to do a promotion.

59
00:03:06,125 --> 00:03:09,208
As it happens,
our town of Horkville is where--

60
00:03:09,291 --> 00:03:11,916
Tartar sauce was invented in 1904,

61
00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:14,708
when a mayonnaise wench was crushed
under a pickle wagon.

62
00:03:14,791 --> 00:03:19,541
Hey, I-- I have a great idea.
Let's do a reenactment here in the store.

63
00:03:19,625 --> 00:03:22,333
You sure?
That's a lot to take on, isn't it?

64
00:03:22,416 --> 00:03:25,500
Sir, I've done reenactments my whole life.

65
00:03:25,583 --> 00:03:29,333
I've done Civil War,
Korean War, the War on Drugs.

66
00:03:29,416 --> 00:03:31,625
I played a methadone suppository.

67
00:03:31,708 --> 00:03:37,000
Okay, Higgins. If you pull this off,
it could mean a promotion.

68
00:03:37,083 --> 00:03:38,750
Now if you'll excuse me,

69
00:03:38,833 --> 00:03:41,750
I'm gonna go shoot paintballs
at the new bag boy.

70
00:03:41,833 --> 00:03:44,833
Made eye contact with me
in the parking lot. I won't have it.

71
00:03:44,916 --> 00:03:46,500
[laughs]

72
00:03:46,583 --> 00:03:48,166
[both laughing]

73
00:03:48,250 --> 00:03:49,583
[grunting]

74
00:03:49,666 --> 00:03:50,583
[inhales sharply]

75
00:03:50,666 --> 00:03:54,166
-[chains clinking]
-[groaning]

76
00:03:54,250 --> 00:03:55,916
Must you do that, Mother?

77
00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:59,375
Between the chains and the groaning,
you sound like a ghost with hemorrhoids.

78
00:03:59,958 --> 00:04:03,000
Hey, anyone seen
my catnip-infused teddy bear?

79
00:04:03,083 --> 00:04:05,000
I need a new afternoon activity,

80
00:04:05,083 --> 00:04:07,750
and I'm bored
of leaving dead seagulls in your hampers.

81
00:04:07,833 --> 00:04:11,625
What up, Mom? Hey, could you give
Aidan and me a ride to Big Bulk?

82
00:04:11,708 --> 00:04:14,000
We're going to do the Non-Toxic Challenge.

83
00:04:14,083 --> 00:04:17,375
[chuckles] It's when you see
how much non-toxic cleaning product

84
00:04:17,458 --> 00:04:20,000
you can drink
before you actually get sick.

85
00:04:20,083 --> 00:04:23,458
Okay, no more TikTok hashtag whatevers.

86
00:04:23,541 --> 00:04:27,375
You should be doing something useful,
like exercising with me.

87
00:04:27,458 --> 00:04:30,041
Yeah, no, I'm not taking you to Big Bulk.

88
00:04:30,125 --> 00:04:31,583
[Aidan growling, grunting]

89
00:04:31,666 --> 00:04:35,041
I can't believe you would embarrass me
in front of Aidan like that, Mom.

90
00:04:35,125 --> 00:04:38,333
Do you have any idea
how Internet-famous he is?

91
00:04:38,416 --> 00:04:40,708
He's "Kid Who Ate a Sack of Nickels."

92
00:04:40,791 --> 00:04:41,791
[car door opens, closes]

93
00:04:41,875 --> 00:04:45,500
You guys, my boss asked me
to organize a re-enactment at work

94
00:04:45,583 --> 00:04:47,875
about the creation of tartar sauce.

95
00:04:47,958 --> 00:04:51,708
Wow. I haven't seen you this excited
since our wedding night.

96
00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:53,791
I took him to Star Wars on Ice.

97
00:04:53,875 --> 00:04:55,833
Oh yes, I recall that tartar flood.

98
00:04:55,916 --> 00:04:58,291
I familiarized myself with it
when I made a diorama

99
00:04:58,375 --> 00:05:00,500
on corporate negligence
for personal amusement.

100
00:05:00,583 --> 00:05:04,125
This is why you spent prom night alone
at the Bug Museum.

101
00:05:04,208 --> 00:05:06,916
The tartar company cut safety protocols
to save money.

102
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:11,333
A vat came loose and unleashed a river
of tartar, drowning 23.

103
00:05:11,416 --> 00:05:14,541
Perhaps I could help.
A true father-daughter activity.

104
00:05:14,625 --> 00:05:18,791
Ah. That's what my dad used to call it
when he made me play catch.

105
00:05:19,291 --> 00:05:20,708
[ominous music plays]

106
00:05:23,458 --> 00:05:24,708
[sighing]

107
00:05:24,791 --> 00:05:27,250
You dare tip over my food bowl.

108
00:05:27,333 --> 00:05:32,250
Who, me? Beelzebub, Lady Of Darkness,
whose mission on Earth is to torture you?

109
00:05:32,333 --> 00:05:34,291
Mw-ha-ha-ha-ha!

110
00:05:34,375 --> 00:05:37,083
I mean, "torture" is a strong word.

111
00:05:37,166 --> 00:05:39,416
Let's face it, you're bad at your job.

112
00:05:39,500 --> 00:05:40,875
That's why they sent you here.

113
00:05:40,958 --> 00:05:44,750
Ah-oh. They made a mistake
sending me here. I am evil.

114
00:05:44,833 --> 00:05:48,250
Why do you think I stole all the jewels
from your sandy treasure chest?

115
00:05:48,333 --> 00:05:50,208
"Sandy treasure chest"?

116
00:05:50,291 --> 00:05:52,500
Wait, do you still not know
what a litter box is?

117
00:05:52,583 --> 00:05:56,458
Enough! You don't think I'm evil?
Well, take a look at your friend.

118
00:05:56,541 --> 00:06:01,041
Teddy McYummyBelly? No!

119
00:06:01,125 --> 00:06:02,916
-[Beelzebub chuckling]
-[Godcat] Oh!

120
00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:06,125
That is it. It's go time!

121
00:06:06,208 --> 00:06:07,916
This is the big fight.

122
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:09,875
Good versus evil.

123
00:06:09,958 --> 00:06:11,000
[dramatic music playing]

124
00:06:11,083 --> 00:06:13,750
Foolish, pot-bellied cat God,

125
00:06:13,833 --> 00:06:15,333
evil always wins.

126
00:06:15,416 --> 00:06:17,666
[both growling]

127
00:06:18,458 --> 00:06:20,458
[both meowing, grunting]

128
00:06:21,708 --> 00:06:22,916
No.

129
00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:24,791
[laughs]

130
00:06:25,666 --> 00:06:27,125
[laughing] Whoa.

131
00:06:27,208 --> 00:06:29,583
Look at those dumb cats.

132
00:06:29,666 --> 00:06:31,958
I've got to put this on my livestream.

133
00:06:32,041 --> 00:06:33,583
-[dramatic music continues]
-[yelling]

134
00:06:33,666 --> 00:06:34,916
[screaming]

135
00:06:38,791 --> 00:06:39,791
[screaming]

136
00:06:46,916 --> 00:06:50,458
Wow! He went off like chili
in the microwave, didn't he?

137
00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:57,583
And so, in summation, I'm sorry.
Yes, I'm here on Earth to become evil,

138
00:06:57,666 --> 00:07:01,083
but I didn't intend to incinerate children
using magical fireballs.

139
00:07:01,166 --> 00:07:03,958
Well, maybe children who cry on airplanes,
but no other children.

140
00:07:04,041 --> 00:07:05,666
Look. We all wanna murder Aidan,

141
00:07:05,750 --> 00:07:07,500
but there's a stupid law
that says we can't.

142
00:07:07,583 --> 00:07:09,583
So, go up to Heaven and bring him back.

143
00:07:09,666 --> 00:07:13,416
[scoffs] You think we'd let
that walking vape pen into Heaven?

144
00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:16,166
[scoffs] He's like an onion ring
that learned how to cuss.

145
00:07:16,250 --> 00:07:19,208
Wait, Aidan is in… Hell?

146
00:07:19,291 --> 00:07:22,208
Teenagers don't go to Hell.
They go to heck. It's like juvie.

147
00:07:22,291 --> 00:07:25,708
If you behave, you get reincarnated
into a butterfly or whatever.

148
00:07:25,791 --> 00:07:27,166
If not, you go to Hell.

149
00:07:27,250 --> 00:07:29,125
Demons barbecue your nuts,

150
00:07:29,208 --> 00:07:32,208
eat your boobs,
do Borat impressions, all that.

151
00:07:32,291 --> 00:07:33,583
Well, we've got to get him back!

152
00:07:33,666 --> 00:07:35,833
I actually shouldn't be telling you this,

153
00:07:35,916 --> 00:07:39,458
but there is a way you can sneak down
and bring him back.

154
00:07:39,541 --> 00:07:41,708
Either I can enchant a porta-potty

155
00:07:41,791 --> 00:07:44,833
that's been marinating
in the sun for two days,

156
00:07:44,916 --> 00:07:47,666
or you can walk in
through an Imagine Dragons concert.

157
00:07:49,250 --> 00:07:50,750
[dramatic music playing]

158
00:07:50,833 --> 00:07:51,916
[Travis gags]

159
00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:55,708
You'll be fine. Oh, and don't forget
to get out of there in under two hours,

160
00:07:55,791 --> 00:07:58,333
or you'll be stuck there forever.
Okay, bye.

161
00:07:58,416 --> 00:07:59,958
[both screaming]

162
00:08:02,750 --> 00:08:06,625
Wait, I forgot.
I'm gonna need a can opener

163
00:08:06,708 --> 00:08:10,708
because I'm about to open
a whoop can of ass.

164
00:08:10,791 --> 00:08:15,000
I hope you like unbearably long stretches
of excruciating pain.

165
00:08:15,083 --> 00:08:19,791
Ha! Are you kidding me?
I'm the one who invented open mic nights.

166
00:08:19,875 --> 00:08:21,458
Let's do this.

167
00:08:21,541 --> 00:08:24,291
-Armageddon!
-Armageddon!

168
00:08:24,875 --> 00:08:27,666
Wait, doesn't like the sky rain blood,

169
00:08:27,750 --> 00:08:29,583
or the Earth opens up or something?

170
00:08:29,666 --> 00:08:31,250
What's it say in that book you wrote?

171
00:08:31,333 --> 00:08:33,000
Um…

172
00:08:33,083 --> 00:08:37,083
Oh stop! I knew it.
You didn't write a word of that book.

173
00:08:37,166 --> 00:08:40,083
I sat in
on the blue sky session with the writers,

174
00:08:40,166 --> 00:08:43,416
and I came up with the title
"The Holly Bibble."

175
00:08:43,500 --> 00:08:44,500
Hmm.

176
00:08:44,583 --> 00:08:47,250
If this is the actual big-time Armageddon,

177
00:08:47,333 --> 00:08:49,500
aren't we gonna need like
a plague of locusts?

178
00:08:49,583 --> 00:08:50,750
Where do we get those?

179
00:08:50,833 --> 00:08:52,291
[dramatic music plays]

180
00:08:53,291 --> 00:08:57,250
Now, Kendra, remember: you love your
husband, but not romantically.

181
00:08:57,333 --> 00:09:00,833
He's a decent man,
but your true soulmate is your cousin.

182
00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:04,291
Hey, Roy. We're better than single ply.

183
00:09:04,375 --> 00:09:08,041
We're in the theater business now.
I got to have that quad ply.

184
00:09:08,625 --> 00:09:11,958
Greta, I think I'm really getting the hang
of this director thing.

185
00:09:12,041 --> 00:09:15,458
I just screamed
at my assistant for like no reason.

186
00:09:15,541 --> 00:09:18,833
Wow. So how are you going to depict
the deadly tartar flood?

187
00:09:18,916 --> 00:09:22,541
I saw some frozen turkeys in aisle two
that you can dress up as drowned corpses.

188
00:09:22,625 --> 00:09:24,625
People don't want to see all that.

189
00:09:24,708 --> 00:09:27,541
You can't just skip over the fact
that people died.

190
00:09:27,625 --> 00:09:30,375
That'd be like directing Titanic
but cutting out the guy

191
00:09:30,458 --> 00:09:34,291
who bounced off the smokestack.
Corporate greed cannot dictate history.

192
00:09:34,375 --> 00:09:37,500
Corporate greed? Ha. Sounds like Big Bulk.

193
00:09:37,583 --> 00:09:40,291
Old Percy here got his arm caught
in the trash compactor,

194
00:09:40,375 --> 00:09:42,791
and they wouldn't even pay
for a proper prosthetic.

195
00:09:42,875 --> 00:09:46,625
Yeah, and, you know, the employee restroom
is just a bucket out back.

196
00:09:46,708 --> 00:09:50,458
I never get lunch breaks,
and our dental plan is just a shoebox

197
00:09:50,541 --> 00:09:53,333
full of loose teeth they found
in the parking lot.

198
00:09:53,416 --> 00:09:56,000
-Not fair. I'm trying to keep my job.
-This is ridiculous.

199
00:09:56,083 --> 00:09:57,833
-I got no benefits.
-I need sustenance.

200
00:09:57,916 --> 00:10:01,583
Are you all familiar
with the term "collective bargaining"? No?

201
00:10:01,666 --> 00:10:05,375
Have you ever seen a lion being
devoured by hyenas? Same principle.

202
00:10:05,458 --> 00:10:08,583
But, Greta, we were supposed to--
[groaning]

203
00:10:08,666 --> 00:10:11,041
Marv, I have the new script pages

204
00:10:11,125 --> 00:10:14,083
for the love scene
between the pickle and the mayonnaise.

205
00:10:14,166 --> 00:10:15,000
Agh!

206
00:10:15,083 --> 00:10:19,041
I said NC-17, damn it. This is barely R!

207
00:10:19,125 --> 00:10:20,583
-[Abbie screaming]
-[both grunt]

208
00:10:21,083 --> 00:10:24,958
[Travis] Whoa. We're in Hell.
Uh, Heck, I guess.

209
00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:27,250
[Abbie] What is Hell for a teenager?

210
00:10:28,375 --> 00:10:32,166
-[both gasp]
-TJ Maxx on a Saturday?

211
00:10:32,250 --> 00:10:33,750
[ominous music playing]

212
00:10:33,833 --> 00:10:35,583
-[screaming]
-[laughing]

213
00:10:36,833 --> 00:10:37,875
[screaming]

214
00:10:37,958 --> 00:10:39,000
[laughs]

215
00:10:39,083 --> 00:10:42,000
The crotch looks loose.
Is the crotch loose?

216
00:10:42,083 --> 00:10:43,666
No!

217
00:10:43,750 --> 00:10:46,291
Oh. I think I'm gonna be sick.

218
00:10:46,375 --> 00:10:49,625
Come on.
Aidan is probably a few levels in by now.

219
00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:52,958
Agh! I don't know
why you hang out with that kid anyway.

220
00:10:53,041 --> 00:10:55,041
Um, because his life is dope,

221
00:10:55,125 --> 00:10:58,041
and his folks
don't diss everything he likes.

222
00:10:58,125 --> 00:11:00,666
They leave him home alone
for weeks at a time.

223
00:11:00,750 --> 00:11:03,541
Yesterday, I got to pet a deer
that wandered through the living room.

224
00:11:03,625 --> 00:11:07,125
[gasps] A wooden plaque
with two mice doing house chores?

225
00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:08,666
Ooh. Sold!

226
00:11:08,750 --> 00:11:11,166
[man on intercom] Unauthorized adult!
Unauthorized adult!

227
00:11:11,250 --> 00:11:13,916
-[both gasp]
-Unauthorized adult! Unauthorized adult!

228
00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:17,250
-Unauthorized adult! Unauthorized adult!
-[grunting]

229
00:11:18,250 --> 00:11:21,208
[Godcat humming]

230
00:11:21,291 --> 00:11:24,416
Okay, where would Armageddon be?

231
00:11:24,500 --> 00:11:26,583
I guess I'll just start at the end.

232
00:11:26,666 --> 00:11:29,666
So the label on the locusts says
they're all freeze-dried.

233
00:11:29,750 --> 00:11:32,000
We can toss 'em in the air fryer
to wake 'em up.

234
00:11:32,083 --> 00:11:38,166
Armageddon, pages 1113 through 1272? Oof.

235
00:11:38,250 --> 00:11:39,125
Hey, look!

236
00:11:39,208 --> 00:11:40,458
[dramatic music plays]

237
00:11:41,083 --> 00:11:42,708
This will be a time saver.

238
00:11:43,625 --> 00:11:45,625
[suspenseful music playing]

239
00:11:46,833 --> 00:11:48,083
[whistle blowing]

240
00:11:48,166 --> 00:11:50,333
Welcome to the second level of Heck,

241
00:11:50,416 --> 00:11:53,500
where you'll be doing
the Presidential Fitness Challenge.

242
00:11:53,583 --> 00:11:54,458
[blows whistle]

243
00:11:54,541 --> 00:11:58,541
First, you're gonna climb,
then you're gonna pull…

244
00:11:58,625 --> 00:11:59,958
[groaning]

245
00:12:00,041 --> 00:12:04,333
…then you're gonna run against
roided-out cheetahs.

246
00:12:04,416 --> 00:12:05,833
[cheetahs growling]

247
00:12:05,916 --> 00:12:08,666
Look, there's the exit. Let's go.

248
00:12:09,250 --> 00:12:10,458
Then I want 50 push-ups,

249
00:12:10,541 --> 00:12:14,958
or I make you all wear short shorts
that haven't been washed since the '90s!

250
00:12:15,041 --> 00:12:16,208
Quick, sit-ups.

251
00:12:16,708 --> 00:12:20,000
Okay. When the coach moves,
make a break for that exit.

252
00:12:20,083 --> 00:12:21,750
Travis, your form. Ugh.

253
00:12:21,833 --> 00:12:24,166
This is what you always wanted, right?

254
00:12:24,250 --> 00:12:27,666
Me being forced to do something miserable
and sweaty with you.

255
00:12:27,750 --> 00:12:30,833
Like when you signed
us up for "Mommy and Me Krav Maga."

256
00:12:30,916 --> 00:12:34,791
Sorry for wanting
to spend quality time with my child

257
00:12:34,875 --> 00:12:37,666
while giving him the gift
of improved core strength.

258
00:12:37,750 --> 00:12:42,125
You know, when I was 14,
I was already Regional Sit-Up Champion.

259
00:12:42,208 --> 00:12:44,750
Oh, your mom must have been so proud.

260
00:12:44,833 --> 00:12:48,708
I'm sure she hung it up next to your
Cross-Fitted Lumber Squats trophy.

261
00:12:48,791 --> 00:12:52,458
Pfft! Ah! Wrong. My mother never hung up
any of my awards.

262
00:12:52,541 --> 00:12:55,125
In fact, she didn't approve
of anything I liked.

263
00:12:55,208 --> 00:12:57,625
That's why I left home to join the Navy.

264
00:12:57,708 --> 00:12:59,500
Really, that's why we don't--

265
00:13:00,166 --> 00:13:02,833
That's why we don't speak anymore.

266
00:13:03,333 --> 00:13:05,333
[groaning]

267
00:13:06,750 --> 00:13:09,916
[Aidan] Please, no more. Make it stop!

268
00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:11,916
That's him! Let's go.

269
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:14,500
-[dramatic music playing]
-[cheetahs growling]

270
00:13:14,583 --> 00:13:16,541
[Travis panting]

271
00:13:18,333 --> 00:13:20,625
-[suspenseful music playing]
-[both panting]

272
00:13:23,083 --> 00:13:25,166
[Aidan groaning]

273
00:13:25,250 --> 00:13:29,375
Please, I don't need a tea cozy.
I don't even drink tea.

274
00:13:29,458 --> 00:13:32,125
Oh, dear God, I hate arts and crafts.

275
00:13:32,208 --> 00:13:36,083
I remember when hamburgers cost a nickel.

276
00:13:36,166 --> 00:13:40,750
Oh yes. A hammy fiver.
Richard used to love those.

277
00:13:40,833 --> 00:13:43,333
This was before the war, of course.

278
00:13:43,416 --> 00:13:45,000
Please stop.

279
00:13:45,083 --> 00:13:47,041
Nobody knows who Richard is.

280
00:13:47,125 --> 00:13:49,666
What war? [groaning]

281
00:13:49,750 --> 00:13:54,208
How many megapixels do I need
if I wanna call my grandson?

282
00:13:54,291 --> 00:13:57,458
-I have some AOL floppies in my purse.
-[beeps]

283
00:13:57,541 --> 00:14:00,416
Wait, wait. Wait, there it goes.
I'm getting his voicemail.

284
00:14:00,500 --> 00:14:04,041
Hello? Philip? It's me, Nana.

285
00:14:04,125 --> 00:14:06,250
Dot com. How are the kids?

286
00:14:06,333 --> 00:14:10,250
I saw this documentary the other day
about processed corn.

287
00:14:10,333 --> 00:14:11,333
[groaning]

288
00:14:11,416 --> 00:14:14,833
Nobody wants that kind of voice mail!

289
00:14:14,916 --> 00:14:16,083
We've got to help him.

290
00:14:16,166 --> 00:14:17,791
[gasps] I have an idea.

291
00:14:17,875 --> 00:14:19,541
[suspenseful music playing]

292
00:14:19,625 --> 00:14:20,833
Werther's Originals!

293
00:14:20,916 --> 00:14:23,583
Your favorite! Go get 'em.

294
00:14:24,791 --> 00:14:26,750
-[demons growling]
-[music intensifies]

295
00:14:27,958 --> 00:14:31,458
All these years,
I wondered what the fifth element was.

296
00:14:32,416 --> 00:14:35,500
-Turns out, it's love.
-[Godcat sobbing softly, sniffling]

297
00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:36,708
[sighing]

298
00:14:36,791 --> 00:14:38,791
Who is this Bruce Willis?

299
00:14:38,875 --> 00:14:40,875
Is he some God I don't know?

300
00:14:40,958 --> 00:14:43,291
I've never seen him at any of the meetups.

301
00:14:43,375 --> 00:14:46,916
Yo, Marv. Where's that sample stand
with the mini crab cakes?

302
00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:49,166
Not now. I'm trying to bond with Greta,

303
00:14:49,250 --> 00:14:51,291
but she convinced my employees
to strike and--

304
00:14:51,375 --> 00:14:53,458
Uh-huh. Yeah.
Kids say the darndest things.

305
00:14:53,541 --> 00:14:56,416
Anyhow, where can a cat get
some crab cakes

306
00:14:56,500 --> 00:14:59,083
before he starts
the Look Who's Talking trilogy?

307
00:14:59,166 --> 00:15:00,666
Hey, when I was looking for locusts,

308
00:15:00,750 --> 00:15:04,291
I grabbed this.
It was the last one on the shelf.

309
00:15:04,375 --> 00:15:07,666
[gasps] A new Teddy McYummyBelly?

310
00:15:07,750 --> 00:15:10,916
[sniffs] Mmm. That's a nice strain of nip.

311
00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:15,000
Sweet, piney,
with just a hint of raccoon scat.

312
00:15:15,083 --> 00:15:16,875
[whimsical music playing]

313
00:15:16,958 --> 00:15:20,958
This has been nice. I can't remember
the last time I watched a movie.

314
00:15:21,041 --> 00:15:22,916
My schedule is just blah.

315
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:26,416
Ugh! Same. Between the emails
and the Zoom calls.

316
00:15:26,500 --> 00:15:30,541
Like, hey, where's the calendar invite
for living my life?

317
00:15:30,625 --> 00:15:32,458
Totally. Thank you.

318
00:15:32,541 --> 00:15:36,083
Actually, after I finish working
on my evil game,

319
00:15:36,166 --> 00:15:38,791
I figured I'd take a few days
for myself up here.

320
00:15:38,875 --> 00:15:40,791
Hey. Any recommendations for a demon?

321
00:15:40,875 --> 00:15:42,708
Oh, you would love Florida.

322
00:15:42,791 --> 00:15:45,375
When I was shaping the continents,
I thought it'd be funny

323
00:15:45,458 --> 00:15:47,833
to make America look like
it had a flaccid penis.

324
00:15:47,916 --> 00:15:51,291
Then I filled it base to tip
with human garbage.

325
00:15:51,791 --> 00:15:53,041
-[sighs] Mmm.
-Mmm.

326
00:15:53,125 --> 00:15:54,916
[both chuckle]

327
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:56,083
[Beelzebub belches]

328
00:15:57,583 --> 00:15:58,750
What did you do that for?

329
00:15:58,833 --> 00:16:01,625
I just figured
it'd screw over that Marv guy.

330
00:16:01,708 --> 00:16:03,416
Be evil. You get it.

331
00:16:03,500 --> 00:16:07,625
Also, destroying things
while in cat form? Super satisfying.

332
00:16:07,708 --> 00:16:08,833
Whoa!

333
00:16:08,916 --> 00:16:11,458
I'm trying to help
Marv and the family, and--

334
00:16:11,541 --> 00:16:14,875
Wait a minute.
I just remembered I hate you.

335
00:16:14,958 --> 00:16:17,208
Oh yeah! I hate you too.

336
00:16:17,291 --> 00:16:21,916
Okay, Armageddon is back on,
and there's a stage right here

337
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:25,250
so everyone can watch me
Marie Kondo your organs!

338
00:16:25,333 --> 00:16:26,166
One hour.

339
00:16:26,250 --> 00:16:27,083
Fine!

340
00:16:27,166 --> 00:16:29,208
[dramatic music plays]

341
00:16:29,291 --> 00:16:32,125
[Godcat groans]

342
00:16:32,208 --> 00:16:35,625
-[suspenseful music playing]
-[panting]

343
00:16:35,708 --> 00:16:37,750
[all panting]

344
00:16:38,750 --> 00:16:40,666
[Keith] Oh, oh. Oh, Linda!

345
00:16:40,750 --> 00:16:43,041
[Linda] Oh, Keith! [laughs]

346
00:16:43,125 --> 00:16:44,333
Mom?

347
00:16:44,416 --> 00:16:47,000
Oh, Stepdad Keith?

348
00:16:47,083 --> 00:16:48,166
[exclaims]

349
00:16:48,250 --> 00:16:49,541
[Aidan panting]

350
00:16:50,375 --> 00:16:51,750
[screaming]

351
00:16:51,833 --> 00:16:55,125
Oh God! So much body hair!

352
00:16:55,208 --> 00:16:57,916
And none of it in the places I want!

353
00:16:58,583 --> 00:17:02,916
[man] Now playing Abbie Higgins'
most listened to song on Spotify.

354
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:06,166
♪ Wake me up! Wake me up inside… ♪

355
00:17:07,125 --> 00:17:09,125
[dramatic music playing]

356
00:17:09,208 --> 00:17:10,541
[music intensifies]

357
00:17:11,541 --> 00:17:14,833
-The hallways are just getting longer.
-Stop. Hold on.

358
00:17:14,916 --> 00:17:16,791
When I did the #selfhelpchallenge,

359
00:17:16,875 --> 00:17:19,750
I had to learn to face my demons
using nonlinear thinking.

360
00:17:19,833 --> 00:17:21,416
We can't keep running from them.

361
00:17:23,250 --> 00:17:25,166
[all screaming]

362
00:17:25,791 --> 00:17:26,916
[loud thud]

363
00:17:28,166 --> 00:17:30,375
Okay. We're almost out of--

364
00:17:31,666 --> 00:17:32,875
Agh!

365
00:17:32,958 --> 00:17:34,958
What-- What are they?

366
00:17:35,041 --> 00:17:36,666
My worst enemies.

367
00:17:36,750 --> 00:17:38,500
They are trolls.

368
00:17:38,583 --> 00:17:40,958
It's the "horky-porky" kid.

369
00:17:41,041 --> 00:17:43,875
He went viral for dancing the hokey-pokey.

370
00:17:43,958 --> 00:17:48,541
♪ You put your right foot in
You put your left foot out ♪

371
00:17:48,625 --> 00:17:49,916
[all laughing]

372
00:17:50,625 --> 00:17:54,416
Hey, he was like four years old.
He hadn't even learned to wipe yet.

373
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:56,333
[laughing continues]

374
00:17:58,875 --> 00:18:02,041
No, Mom, don't.
You can't use logic with trolls.

375
00:18:02,125 --> 00:18:03,458
They'll just multiply.

376
00:18:03,541 --> 00:18:06,958
Just ignore the idiotic things they say,
no matter how hard it is.

377
00:18:07,458 --> 00:18:12,541
-You'll never go viral for anything else.
-Pineapple on pizza's delicious.

378
00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:13,583
Avatar rocked.

379
00:18:13,666 --> 00:18:16,500
Ben Affleck is the best Batman!

380
00:18:17,333 --> 00:18:19,666
Please, react. Please!

381
00:18:19,750 --> 00:18:23,333
If you don't react, we don't exist!

382
00:18:23,416 --> 00:18:24,666
No!

383
00:18:25,916 --> 00:18:28,333
[all screaming]

384
00:18:29,208 --> 00:18:33,541
[man] Ladies and Gentlemen,
please welcome Imagine Dragons!

385
00:18:33,625 --> 00:18:35,333
-[people cheering]
-[boys groaning]

386
00:18:37,208 --> 00:18:38,625
[Greta] Daytime manager Higgins,

387
00:18:38,708 --> 00:18:41,875
I've been sent here by your labor force
with a list of their demands.

388
00:18:43,333 --> 00:18:44,708
Bathroom breaks?

389
00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:45,916
Name tags?

390
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:50,708
Look, if people cared what our names were,
we wouldn't be working at Big Bulk.

391
00:18:50,791 --> 00:18:54,083
We'd be working somewhere fancy,
like Kmart.

392
00:18:54,875 --> 00:18:58,083
Very well. Workers, we strike!

393
00:18:58,166 --> 00:18:59,708
[patriotic music playing]

394
00:19:01,125 --> 00:19:04,916
[all cheering] Strike! Strike! Strike!
Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike!

395
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:08,458
-Strike!
-Well, the show must go on.

396
00:19:14,916 --> 00:19:16,625
[dramatic music playing]

397
00:19:19,750 --> 00:19:23,583
Suit-ius Carne Asad-ius!

398
00:19:25,750 --> 00:19:28,916
Time to meat your maker.

399
00:19:37,333 --> 00:19:39,458
All-day comfort and protection!

400
00:19:41,041 --> 00:19:42,541
Sorry. I didn't have a line prepared.

401
00:19:42,625 --> 00:19:45,166
I just read the first thing I saw
on the tampon box.

402
00:19:46,291 --> 00:19:47,291
Armageddon!

403
00:19:47,375 --> 00:19:48,916
[both yelling]

404
00:19:54,416 --> 00:19:56,000
Ya, ha, ha.

405
00:19:58,250 --> 00:20:00,250
[both grunting]

406
00:20:04,125 --> 00:20:05,625
[music continues]

407
00:20:08,625 --> 00:20:11,166
-[Godcat groaning]
-[Beelzebub laughing]

408
00:20:12,583 --> 00:20:13,916
[groaning]

409
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:17,333
That's my bad hamstring,
the one I pulled in that three-way.

410
00:20:20,416 --> 00:20:22,541
[music continues]

411
00:20:23,458 --> 00:20:24,333
[gasping]

412
00:20:26,750 --> 00:20:28,291
Oh the pain!

413
00:20:28,375 --> 00:20:31,625
My arm! It was USDA prime.

414
00:20:31,708 --> 00:20:32,833
Possibly Wagyu.

415
00:20:33,333 --> 00:20:37,291
Now it's time for you
to Die Hard with a Vengeance.

416
00:20:38,041 --> 00:20:39,166
[chainsaw buzzing]

417
00:20:39,958 --> 00:20:40,833
[sighing]

418
00:20:42,416 --> 00:20:43,583
I can't do it.

419
00:20:43,666 --> 00:20:45,875
'Tis not the way of Lord Willis.

420
00:20:46,375 --> 00:20:47,291
[whirring]

421
00:20:47,375 --> 00:20:48,833
[dramatic music playing]

422
00:20:48,916 --> 00:20:50,416
[screaming]

423
00:20:51,333 --> 00:20:52,333
[people screaming]

424
00:20:55,250 --> 00:20:57,875
Help! I can't swim!

425
00:20:58,875 --> 00:21:00,458
Yippee-ki-yay, mother--

426
00:21:01,583 --> 00:21:05,666
[all] Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike!
Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike!

427
00:21:07,541 --> 00:21:08,708
[gasping]

428
00:21:08,791 --> 00:21:10,416
[all] Strike! Strike! Strike!

429
00:21:10,500 --> 00:21:11,583
[whimpering]

430
00:21:11,666 --> 00:21:12,541
[engine starts]

431
00:21:13,083 --> 00:21:13,958
[whimpers]

432
00:21:15,041 --> 00:21:16,083
Look out!

433
00:21:18,250 --> 00:21:19,625
[Greta groaning]

434
00:21:21,958 --> 00:21:22,791
Ha!

435
00:21:22,875 --> 00:21:24,041
Father!

436
00:21:24,125 --> 00:21:26,833
The absorption coefficient.
How did you know?

437
00:21:26,916 --> 00:21:30,666
Like I said, we got to have that quad ply.
[chuckling]

438
00:21:32,250 --> 00:21:35,125
Yeah, it-- It was earlier.
You-- You weren't there.

439
00:21:35,208 --> 00:21:36,875
[both coughing]

440
00:21:38,375 --> 00:21:40,041
-You saved my life.
-[Godcat sighs]

441
00:21:40,125 --> 00:21:43,083
Yeah. It's no big deal. I just--

442
00:21:43,166 --> 00:21:44,416
[gasping]

443
00:21:45,333 --> 00:21:49,291
-Teddy! Hold on! I'm coming for--
-No! Godcat, it's too dangerous!

444
00:21:50,916 --> 00:21:53,416
No!

445
00:21:53,916 --> 00:21:55,041
This is your fault.

446
00:21:55,125 --> 00:21:58,833
Back off or next time,
you'll be served here as a free sample.

447
00:21:58,916 --> 00:22:01,666
Wait, you're saying I was so evil today

448
00:22:02,166 --> 00:22:05,250
I made your life a living hell?

449
00:22:05,333 --> 00:22:06,250
It's working!

450
00:22:06,333 --> 00:22:08,916
[in demonic voice]
Earth is making me horrible!

451
00:22:09,416 --> 00:22:10,750
[birds chirping]

452
00:22:10,833 --> 00:22:14,625
Hey, buddy. I'm sorry I didn't drive you
here when you asked.

453
00:22:14,708 --> 00:22:18,416
Look, my mom never cared
about the things I was into,

454
00:22:18,500 --> 00:22:23,625
but I wanna be involved in your life.
Otherwise, you might become like Aidan.

455
00:22:23,708 --> 00:22:27,166
Not a chance. You have no idea
how much shampoo I've seen him drink.

456
00:22:27,250 --> 00:22:29,458
Suck it! [laughs]

457
00:22:29,541 --> 00:22:31,083
[moaning, groaning]

458
00:22:34,541 --> 00:22:35,666
Greta, listen.

459
00:22:35,750 --> 00:22:38,333
I'm sorry I didn't walk the picket line
with you.

460
00:22:38,416 --> 00:22:41,750
I got too caught up
in trying to make you think I was cool.

461
00:22:41,833 --> 00:22:44,625
Father, I think you're cooler
than absolute zero.

462
00:22:44,708 --> 00:22:47,750
Hey, my dad used to call me
absolute zero too.

463
00:22:47,833 --> 00:22:49,041
-[Greta chuckles]
-Mmm.

464
00:22:49,666 --> 00:22:52,125
It-- It was mean when… when he said it.

465
00:22:52,208 --> 00:22:53,041
I know.

466
00:22:53,708 --> 00:22:56,000
Hey, everybody gather 'round.

467
00:22:56,833 --> 00:22:58,750
Look what I got for you.

468
00:22:58,833 --> 00:23:00,875
Name tags!

469
00:23:01,583 --> 00:23:02,416
Ooh.

470
00:23:02,500 --> 00:23:03,625
[uplifting music playing]

471
00:23:05,083 --> 00:23:06,541
[all cheering]

472
00:23:06,625 --> 00:23:09,458
[man] It has my name. My name!

473
00:23:09,541 --> 00:23:11,958
[Godcat slurping]

474
00:23:12,541 --> 00:23:16,208
[groaning] Stupid devil, can't even swim.

475
00:23:16,291 --> 00:23:19,375
How does she expect to run Hell?
If I-- [gasps]

476
00:23:19,458 --> 00:23:21,041
[dramatic sting]

477
00:23:21,125 --> 00:23:22,916
[exclaims]

478
00:23:24,916 --> 00:23:26,291
[trippy music playing]

479
00:23:42,750 --> 00:23:43,958
[Teddy squeaking]

480
00:23:45,875 --> 00:23:47,875
[Godcat moaning]

481
00:23:48,875 --> 00:23:52,208
[Godcat chuckling]

482
00:23:53,916 --> 00:23:57,666
I'm never letting you go. [laughs]

483
00:23:58,958 --> 00:24:00,750
[dramatic music playing]

484
00:24:02,750 --> 00:24:04,750
[upbeat music playing]

485
00:24:47,958 --> 00:24:48,833
[music ends]