1
00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:11,333
[ethereal music playing]

2
00:00:13,791 --> 00:00:15,000
[slurps, exhales]

3
00:00:15,083 --> 00:00:16,791
[phone ringing]

4
00:00:16,875 --> 00:00:19,000
God, the board will see you now.

5
00:00:20,625 --> 00:00:22,458
We called you in today
because of the incident

6
00:00:22,541 --> 00:00:26,666
that occurred last night
at your condo at approximately 1:53 a.m.

7
00:00:26,750 --> 00:00:30,041
Look, I'm sorry
about last night's little ordeal.

8
00:00:30,125 --> 00:00:31,125
It was, uh… [chuckling]

9
00:00:31,208 --> 00:00:32,291
…a wild night.

10
00:00:32,375 --> 00:00:35,875
"Little ordeal"? First,
you put on that nature documentary again,

11
00:00:35,958 --> 00:00:38,750
the one about the pterodactyls mating.

12
00:00:39,416 --> 00:00:42,750
-[pterodactyls screeching]
-[God] Mmm… [chuckles]

13
00:00:42,833 --> 00:00:46,041
Dude, it's weirding everyone out.
Why do you keep watching that?

14
00:00:46,125 --> 00:00:50,000
Then you passed out drunk
with a DiGiorno in the oven…

15
00:00:50,083 --> 00:00:52,416
-[pterodactyls screeching]
-[God chuckles, moans]

16
00:00:52,500 --> 00:00:53,625
[snoring]

17
00:00:54,416 --> 00:00:55,666
[fire alarm ringing]

18
00:00:55,750 --> 00:00:59,333
And burned down
the entire west end of Heaven.

19
00:00:59,416 --> 00:01:01,333
[people screaming]

20
00:01:03,666 --> 00:01:07,541
I mean, not all of it.
The Margaritaville survived. [chuckles]

21
00:01:07,625 --> 00:01:10,750
Oh. And you blew up all of our unicorns.

22
00:01:10,833 --> 00:01:13,125
[unicorns neighing]

23
00:01:13,208 --> 00:01:16,750
Oh, boo-hoo.
They're ponies with face boners.

24
00:01:16,833 --> 00:01:18,166
I did you a favor.

25
00:01:18,250 --> 00:01:20,791
Look, it's not just the fire.
Earth is also a mess.

26
00:01:20,875 --> 00:01:22,666
You left the tornado machine running,

27
00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:25,000
humans have invented
pumpkin spice deodorant,

28
00:01:25,083 --> 00:01:28,000
and the Red Hot Chili Peppers recorded
a Christmas album.

29
00:01:28,083 --> 00:01:31,250
The board's decided
you need to be rehabilitated.

30
00:01:31,333 --> 00:01:34,083
You must empathize with your disciples.

31
00:01:34,166 --> 00:01:36,875
And we believe the best way
to do that is for you to go to Earth

32
00:01:36,958 --> 00:01:38,583
and answer a human's prayer.

33
00:01:38,666 --> 00:01:39,541
[fax machine whirring]

34
00:01:39,625 --> 00:01:42,625
Here are a few recent ones.
Let's see. Tuh-tuh-tuh.

35
00:01:43,208 --> 00:01:46,083
Oh, a group of hikers got stuck
in a snowstorm.

36
00:01:46,166 --> 00:01:48,583
They're starving
and one of them prayed for help.

37
00:01:48,666 --> 00:01:51,375
I invented a solution to that ages ago.

38
00:01:51,458 --> 00:01:54,416
I'll give you a hint.
It rhymes with "bannibalism."

39
00:01:54,500 --> 00:01:58,375
Wait, here we go. Somebody
from the Higgins family sent a prayer

40
00:01:58,458 --> 00:02:00,666
asking for you to save their family.

41
00:02:00,750 --> 00:02:02,833
Perfect. You go down, connect with them,

42
00:02:02,916 --> 00:02:05,208
help save their family,
and then you can come back.

43
00:02:05,291 --> 00:02:07,583
And you'll live as one of them. Sort of.

44
00:02:07,666 --> 00:02:09,125
What do you mean "sort of"?

45
00:02:09,208 --> 00:02:10,416
[dramatic music playing]

46
00:02:11,625 --> 00:02:13,458
What do you mean "sort of," Craig?

47
00:02:14,458 --> 00:02:15,750
[screaming]

48
00:02:18,333 --> 00:02:20,291
[continues screaming]

49
00:02:27,666 --> 00:02:29,041
[God inhales deeply]

50
00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:31,000
[exhales deeply]

51
00:02:33,333 --> 00:02:35,375
What the f--

52
00:02:35,458 --> 00:02:37,250
[heavenly vocalization]

53
00:02:37,333 --> 00:02:38,875
[theme music playing]

54
00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:02,041
[Godcat gasping]

55
00:03:02,125 --> 00:03:04,291
What happened to my washboard abs?

56
00:03:04,375 --> 00:03:07,333
[gasps] My pecs look like
geriatric crêpes!

57
00:03:07,416 --> 00:03:11,541
[gasps] And my toes look like…
baked beans?

58
00:03:11,625 --> 00:03:16,125
Yeah, no. I'll just cast a quick spell
and transform back into my God body.

59
00:03:16,208 --> 00:03:17,916
-[grunting]
-[heavenly tone]

60
00:03:18,625 --> 00:03:19,750
[all gasping]

61
00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:22,333
What the…? Where's the rest of my God bod?

62
00:03:22,416 --> 00:03:24,708
[people gasping, screaming]

63
00:03:25,500 --> 00:03:27,375
-Wait, I'm God!
-[girl gasps]

64
00:03:27,458 --> 00:03:30,500
Hold up. Wait. I'm-- [grunts]

65
00:03:31,750 --> 00:03:33,791
What's wrong with my powers?

66
00:03:33,875 --> 00:03:35,125
[grunting]

67
00:03:35,208 --> 00:03:36,250
[yelps]

68
00:03:36,333 --> 00:03:37,958
[woman humming]

69
00:03:39,833 --> 00:03:41,166
[car engine running]

70
00:03:41,250 --> 00:03:42,083
Higgins?

71
00:03:42,166 --> 00:03:45,541
It's you. Your family prayed for my help.

72
00:03:45,625 --> 00:03:48,250
What the hell? You can talk! [gasps]

73
00:03:48,333 --> 00:03:51,458
Behold. I am the holiest of holy molys.

74
00:03:51,541 --> 00:03:53,458
I am God.

75
00:03:53,541 --> 00:03:54,833
Jesus Christ!

76
00:03:54,916 --> 00:03:58,708
Does this beard look like a goatee to you?
I said I'm God.

77
00:03:58,791 --> 00:04:00,541
-[tires screeching]
-[Abbie grunting]

78
00:04:00,625 --> 00:04:01,833
Hey, where'd you go?

79
00:04:02,916 --> 00:04:04,458
-[grunting]
-[Godcat] Oh!

80
00:04:04,541 --> 00:04:07,625
There you go, little chompster.
Just take a nice little nap.

81
00:04:07,708 --> 00:04:10,541
Glad I sprung for that jumbo pack
of horse tranquilizers.

82
00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:15,000
Harry, I nabbed a feral cat.
Possibly rabid. Definitely obese.

83
00:04:15,083 --> 00:04:16,583
[cats meowing]

84
00:04:19,500 --> 00:04:20,333
[groaning]

85
00:04:20,416 --> 00:04:21,666
[Abbie] I'm punching out.

86
00:04:21,750 --> 00:04:24,375
I gotta get home for a family game night.

87
00:04:24,458 --> 00:04:25,500
Barf!

88
00:04:25,583 --> 00:04:27,125
Not a board game fan?

89
00:04:27,208 --> 00:04:30,166
In the Navy SEALs,
we learned to snap our own necks

90
00:04:30,250 --> 00:04:31,875
in case of enemy capture.

91
00:04:31,958 --> 00:04:36,208
I've only ever been tempted once,
playing Scattergories.

92
00:04:39,291 --> 00:04:41,125
Hey, bud, how's it going?

93
00:04:41,208 --> 00:04:44,333
Terrific, other than the fact
that I no longer have the morphology

94
00:04:44,416 --> 00:04:45,958
necessary to use a toilet.

95
00:04:46,041 --> 00:04:49,333
Why in the name
of Zeus' thundering butt cheeks

96
00:04:49,416 --> 00:04:51,458
did you turn me into a cat?

97
00:04:51,541 --> 00:04:53,208
To teach you to connect with humans.

98
00:04:53,291 --> 00:04:56,375
You've reigned from above,
now you must empathize from below,

99
00:04:56,458 --> 00:04:58,416
literally. At their little baby feet.

100
00:04:58,500 --> 00:04:59,583
What about my powers?

101
00:04:59,666 --> 00:05:03,416
Well the board wants you to solve problems
without any fancy tricks.

102
00:05:03,500 --> 00:05:06,458
We did leave some of your spells intact
to help move things along.

103
00:05:06,541 --> 00:05:11,083
But I'd stick to small miracles,
like turning muffins into cupcakes.

104
00:05:11,166 --> 00:05:13,583
That's not a miracle. That's icing.

105
00:05:13,666 --> 00:05:15,291
[laughs] Roger that, good buddy.

106
00:05:15,375 --> 00:05:18,791
Now remember,
save the family, save yourself.

107
00:05:18,875 --> 00:05:21,375
-We'll be checking on you. Poof!
-Poof!

108
00:05:21,458 --> 00:05:25,250
Save a human family?
That's why I created sexy firemen.

109
00:05:25,333 --> 00:05:26,666
[cats meowing]

110
00:05:29,875 --> 00:05:33,166
Rise, my children.

111
00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:37,166
-Rise!
-[meowing in unison]

112
00:05:37,250 --> 00:05:39,125
Hold on. It's working.

113
00:05:39,208 --> 00:05:40,458
-[panting]
-[heavenly tone]

114
00:05:40,541 --> 00:05:43,166
Cats, assemble!

115
00:05:43,250 --> 00:05:44,708
[music intensifies]

116
00:05:50,083 --> 00:05:51,750
Ah-ya!

117
00:05:51,833 --> 00:05:53,291
-[Harry] What the--
-[Godcat laughing]

118
00:05:53,375 --> 00:05:54,458
[gasps]

119
00:05:55,416 --> 00:05:57,125
[dramatic music playing]

120
00:05:57,208 --> 00:05:58,958
[cats growling]

121
00:06:03,166 --> 00:06:05,000
-[vehicle door closes]
-[engine starts]

122
00:06:05,083 --> 00:06:07,166
[Godcat panting, grunting]

123
00:06:11,125 --> 00:06:12,750
[tires screeching]

124
00:06:13,833 --> 00:06:14,958
[mysterious music playing]

125
00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:17,916
Hmm. Why is my mouth filling with saliva?

126
00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:21,041
This trash bird is disease-ridden,
yet so alluring.

127
00:06:21,125 --> 00:06:23,083
[grunting] Like a buffet in Vegas.

128
00:06:23,166 --> 00:06:24,875
Or Timothée Chalamet.

129
00:06:26,416 --> 00:06:28,083
[grunting] Mmm.

130
00:06:30,541 --> 00:06:31,375
[rattling]

131
00:06:32,666 --> 00:06:35,125
Level five rainbow blast, activated!

132
00:06:35,208 --> 00:06:37,208
[imitating laser gun fire]

133
00:06:37,291 --> 00:06:39,125
Behold. 'Tis I, your Savior--

134
00:06:39,208 --> 00:06:41,875
[screams] A talking cat! [grunting]

135
00:06:41,958 --> 00:06:43,500
Chill! Chill!

136
00:06:43,583 --> 00:06:47,875
Yes, and you're a grown man playing
with toys. Now chill.

137
00:06:47,958 --> 00:06:48,958
[panting]

138
00:06:49,041 --> 00:06:51,541
Now listen up. I am God.

139
00:06:51,625 --> 00:06:56,166
Well, Godcat for now,
and I'm here on Earth to answer a prayer.

140
00:06:56,250 --> 00:06:58,791
Did you send it? I mean, right away,

141
00:06:58,875 --> 00:07:02,041
I can see that you're wearing pants
that unzip to become shorts.

142
00:07:02,125 --> 00:07:04,083
That seems on-brand
for someone who would say,

143
00:07:04,166 --> 00:07:05,791
"Dear God, please help me."

144
00:07:05,875 --> 00:07:09,791
God, huh? Whoa.
Hey, maybe you can answer a question

145
00:07:09,875 --> 00:07:14,250
that has caused more arguments
than any other in the history of humanity.

146
00:07:14,333 --> 00:07:17,500
Is it pronounced "GIF" or "JIF"?

147
00:07:17,583 --> 00:07:20,958
It's pronounced, "Who gives
a Jupiter-sized barge of dog crap?"

148
00:07:21,041 --> 00:07:23,125
-[phone chimes]
-Hey, it's almost time for game night.

149
00:07:23,208 --> 00:07:26,208
Come on, you can meet my opponents.
They're also my family.

150
00:07:26,291 --> 00:07:29,666
Great. The sooner I help you,
the sooner I can get back to Heaven.

151
00:07:29,750 --> 00:07:31,625
I'm having a tanning bed delivered
on Friday,

152
00:07:31,708 --> 00:07:34,333
and there's a Gorgon
who keeps stealing my packages.

153
00:07:34,416 --> 00:07:36,000
[mysterious music playing]

154
00:07:37,333 --> 00:07:39,166
Greta! Meet Godcat.

155
00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:41,791
As his name suggests,
he's God in a cat's body.

156
00:07:41,875 --> 00:07:44,416
Hello. Yes, I'm God.

157
00:07:44,500 --> 00:07:47,708
Please kiss my feet
or present me with a sacrificial goat.

158
00:07:47,791 --> 00:07:51,208
[laughs] Just kidding. But seriously,
a few toe kisses would be nice.

159
00:07:51,291 --> 00:07:55,541
Possible case of toxoplasmosis,
resulting in increased cognitive ability.

160
00:07:55,625 --> 00:08:00,250
Note, obtain stool sample. A god, you say?
So, does that make you omnipotent?

161
00:08:00,333 --> 00:08:02,083
Wow. Personal much?

162
00:08:02,166 --> 00:08:05,291
Just because I don't want kids,
doesn't mean I can't have kids.

163
00:08:05,375 --> 00:08:08,208
These tadpoles of mine
could populate a clown car.

164
00:08:08,291 --> 00:08:12,041
Ugh. No. "Omnipotent,"
the power to create anything.

165
00:08:12,125 --> 00:08:13,916
And if you are all-powerful,

166
00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:17,166
can you create a stone so heavy
that you cannot lift it?

167
00:08:17,250 --> 00:08:20,291
Of course I can make-slash-lift a big,
stupid rock.

168
00:08:20,375 --> 00:08:25,041
-In my regular God form, I'm quite swole.
-But you see the contradiction, right?

169
00:08:25,125 --> 00:08:28,166
I see somebody licked
one too many nine-volt batteries as a kid.

170
00:08:28,250 --> 00:08:30,791
I had a theory
that they generate new neural pathways,

171
00:08:30,875 --> 00:08:32,166
but they just made my hair curly.

172
00:08:32,250 --> 00:08:34,916
Come on. Game night starts in five.

173
00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:35,875
[sighing]

174
00:08:40,333 --> 00:08:44,791
Yo, yo, yo! It's me,
Travis the Travpocalypse! And today--

175
00:08:44,875 --> 00:08:47,791
Hey, Travis.
Remember how I told you God was dead?

176
00:08:47,875 --> 00:08:50,666
-Well, I was wrong.
-Dad. I'm streaming!

177
00:08:50,750 --> 00:08:54,708
Do I interrupt you when you practice
speaking Klingon in the mirror?

178
00:08:54,791 --> 00:08:57,541
Travis went viral
when he was really little.

179
00:08:58,541 --> 00:09:02,125
♪ You put your right foot in
You take your right foot out ♪

180
00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:04,625
♪ You do the horkey porkey
And you turn yourself around… ♪

181
00:09:04,708 --> 00:09:06,416
[woman] The "horkey porkey"!

182
00:09:06,500 --> 00:09:08,291
[all laughing]

183
00:09:08,375 --> 00:09:12,125
Since then, he's been trying
to get Internet-famous for something else.

184
00:09:12,208 --> 00:09:15,916
I offered to cosplay
as Conan the Barbarian for his livestream.

185
00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:18,375
Oiled up my loincloth and everything.

186
00:09:18,458 --> 00:09:22,375
Hey, shoutout to Buttsmasher6969
for liking my stream.

187
00:09:22,458 --> 00:09:26,125
Remember to hit that like button,
and I'll write your name on my forehead.

188
00:09:27,291 --> 00:09:28,916
[suspenseful music plays]

189
00:09:30,166 --> 00:09:31,291
[mouse clicks]

190
00:09:31,375 --> 00:09:32,416
[sighing]

191
00:09:32,500 --> 00:09:35,500
Hooray! You're done
with your TwitchTok or whatever.

192
00:09:35,583 --> 00:09:37,666
Come on, it's game night. I'll race ya.

193
00:09:37,750 --> 00:09:38,958
[Marv laughing]

194
00:09:39,500 --> 00:09:42,166
I'm guessing self-awareness
isn't his middle name.

195
00:09:42,250 --> 00:09:43,750
Still better than my mom.

196
00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:47,708
I asked her for a Switch last Christmas,
and she gave me a sharpened stick.

197
00:09:47,791 --> 00:09:51,708
[Marv] Are y'all paying attention?
Okay, my board game is fairly simple

198
00:09:51,791 --> 00:09:55,250
once you master the first 70 rules or so.

199
00:09:55,333 --> 00:09:59,000
After we stop the Zombie Kittens,
a Mercat will rise.

200
00:09:59,083 --> 00:10:02,333
The only way to defeat her is
to speak Cat-o-nese,

201
00:10:02,416 --> 00:10:05,458
an ancient cat language I invented
for this game.

202
00:10:05,541 --> 00:10:10,125
Now if we encounter a Rainbow Dragon,
the only way to stop it is

203
00:10:10,208 --> 00:10:13,333
to use the Red Wand of Destiny.
But no one's ever--

204
00:10:13,416 --> 00:10:17,083
Every word you speak is
like a dagger made of Benadryl.

205
00:10:17,166 --> 00:10:21,291
How your family's not rolled you
in a rug and set it on fire is beyond me.

206
00:10:21,375 --> 00:10:26,291
Okay, I knew it was game night,
so I got Kegernet Sauvignon.

207
00:10:26,375 --> 00:10:29,791
Calm down. It's not full.
I had some for breakfast.

208
00:10:30,416 --> 00:10:32,041
You again!

209
00:10:32,125 --> 00:10:34,916
Relax. I'm only here as a PR ploy

210
00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:37,291
to make it look like I give a dump
about you people.

211
00:10:37,375 --> 00:10:39,625
So just let me know
what you need help with,

212
00:10:39,708 --> 00:10:41,458
and I'll be out of your hair.

213
00:10:41,541 --> 00:10:44,916
Come on. Come on. Who here prayed
for help to save this family?

214
00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:47,041
We don't pray in this family.

215
00:10:47,125 --> 00:10:50,500
We catch prey,
mostly rats from the hole I dug out back.

216
00:10:50,583 --> 00:10:52,875
It's how I maintain our supply
of rat jerky.

217
00:10:52,958 --> 00:10:55,333
Wait, we've been eating rat jerky?

218
00:10:55,416 --> 00:10:58,791
Uh, look, we'll discuss that later.
Let's get this game started.

219
00:10:58,875 --> 00:11:00,083
[sighing]

220
00:11:01,750 --> 00:11:03,166
[dramatic music plays]

221
00:11:03,250 --> 00:11:07,750
So, Godcat, regarding rule number 147.

222
00:11:08,500 --> 00:11:11,458
[gasps] Magical red dot.

223
00:11:11,541 --> 00:11:13,666
-[dramatic music playing]
-[roars ferociously]

224
00:11:15,750 --> 00:11:17,916
[roaring]

225
00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:24,333
[all screaming]

226
00:11:27,458 --> 00:11:28,291
I'm sorry.

227
00:11:28,791 --> 00:11:30,958
I have no idea where that came from.

228
00:11:31,041 --> 00:11:34,875
Red lasers must activate
some kind of cat berserker mode in me.

229
00:11:34,958 --> 00:11:37,833
Can I be excused? This is worse
than that time Greta tricked me

230
00:11:37,916 --> 00:11:39,833
into going dumpster diving
at the hospital.

231
00:11:39,916 --> 00:11:41,875
But we found so many ears.

232
00:11:41,958 --> 00:11:45,375
No. You're staying here
and playing the game I worked so hard on.

233
00:11:45,458 --> 00:11:50,458
Dad, bro, for real? Bonding doesn't happen
by forcing your hobbies on us.

234
00:11:50,541 --> 00:11:53,875
Meaningful connections are built
through mutual emotional cognizance.

235
00:11:53,958 --> 00:11:55,250
Where did you learn that?

236
00:11:55,333 --> 00:11:56,875
I was playing Steal Truck Drive Drive,

237
00:11:56,958 --> 00:11:59,291
and I crashed through the window
of a therapist's office.

238
00:11:59,375 --> 00:12:01,291
So I stayed and talked awhile.

239
00:12:01,958 --> 00:12:04,375
Oh no! It's soaking into Zombie Cat.

240
00:12:04,458 --> 00:12:06,375
Hang on. I can fix you.

241
00:12:06,458 --> 00:12:09,708
Hey, Greta, let's go out back
and work on your knife skills.

242
00:12:09,791 --> 00:12:13,375
Your throwing looks good,
but you've kind of plateaued on stabbing.

243
00:12:13,458 --> 00:12:16,125
Actually I was hoping you'd listen
to my science fair presentation

244
00:12:16,208 --> 00:12:17,458
and give me feedback.

245
00:12:17,541 --> 00:12:20,041
-Sure. I'm always happy to make time for--
-[phone beeping]

246
00:12:20,125 --> 00:12:24,125
Oh, 9/11 Memorial Snuggies
are on QVC right now. Gotta run.

247
00:12:25,916 --> 00:12:26,750
No.

248
00:12:30,625 --> 00:12:32,875
-[dramatic music playing]
-[growls ferociously]

249
00:12:34,791 --> 00:12:36,916
Da Vinci had his Vitruvian Man.

250
00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:41,458
Now I, Greta Higgins,
have created Papier-mâché Man!

251
00:12:41,541 --> 00:12:42,416
Ugh.

252
00:12:43,250 --> 00:12:45,166
How odd that you claim
to have created man,

253
00:12:45,250 --> 00:12:47,541
and yet you are ashamed
of his husbandry barnacles.

254
00:12:47,625 --> 00:12:49,250
Just because you've made something

255
00:12:49,333 --> 00:12:51,958
doesn't automatically mean
you want to see it again.

256
00:12:52,041 --> 00:12:55,833
You think Spielberg's ever been like,
"Hey, let's throw on War Horse?"

257
00:12:55,916 --> 00:12:57,333
-[switch clicks]
-Ah!

258
00:12:57,416 --> 00:12:59,750
Look at it. Perfection.

259
00:12:59,833 --> 00:13:02,958
Check out how I made butt cheeks
like little cushions.

260
00:13:03,041 --> 00:13:05,916
Anywhere you go, bam, instant comfy chair.

261
00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:09,416
I call my project
"The Flawed Design of the Human Body."

262
00:13:09,500 --> 00:13:10,875
How dare you!

263
00:13:10,958 --> 00:13:13,958
Yes. For starters, I, for one,
probably wouldn't have combined

264
00:13:14,041 --> 00:13:16,375
the swallowing orifice
with the breathing orifice.

265
00:13:16,458 --> 00:13:21,458
Oh great. The orifice police are here.
You try creating everything in six days.

266
00:13:21,541 --> 00:13:24,708
When you're down to the wire,
some orifices are gonna get combined.

267
00:13:24,791 --> 00:13:26,916
[electrical crackling]

268
00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:29,500
I suppose we are both imperfect creators.

269
00:13:29,583 --> 00:13:30,750
"Imperfect"?

270
00:13:30,833 --> 00:13:34,000
Ever heard of a mantis shrimp?
It's incredible.

271
00:13:34,583 --> 00:13:36,666
[Godcat] I put all my energy into it

272
00:13:36,750 --> 00:13:39,208
to make it beautiful, powerful,

273
00:13:39,291 --> 00:13:41,791
and, like, super freaking violent.

274
00:13:42,291 --> 00:13:43,500
[intense music playing]

275
00:13:44,333 --> 00:13:46,250
Well of course I know
what a mantis shrimp is.

276
00:13:46,333 --> 00:13:48,291
If I could bring one of those in
for my project,

277
00:13:48,375 --> 00:13:50,041
that would get me the win for sure.

278
00:13:50,125 --> 00:13:51,875
Okay. Okay.

279
00:13:51,958 --> 00:13:53,000
Hold on.

280
00:13:53,083 --> 00:13:55,500
Dear God, please help me.

281
00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:57,291
Pound-nine-four-one-star.

282
00:13:57,375 --> 00:13:58,375
[dialing tone]

283
00:13:58,458 --> 00:14:00,708
Cheryl, hi.
It's me. Glad I caught you at your desk.

284
00:14:00,791 --> 00:14:03,625
Listen, can you teleport me
a mantis shrimp?

285
00:14:04,416 --> 00:14:05,541
[mystical tone]

286
00:14:05,625 --> 00:14:06,958
[mantis shrimp screeching]

287
00:14:08,458 --> 00:14:09,625
[banging]

288
00:14:09,708 --> 00:14:11,041
Yeah. Here we go.

289
00:14:11,125 --> 00:14:12,166
[grunting, laughing]

290
00:14:12,250 --> 00:14:16,250
Looks like he's hungry.
Do grocery stores here sell platypus meat?

291
00:14:16,333 --> 00:14:17,416
[laughs]

292
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:21,666
And in conclusion, what you might refer to
as the fleshy flip-flop

293
00:14:21,750 --> 00:14:24,000
at the back
of your throat serves no purpose.

294
00:14:24,083 --> 00:14:27,125
Um. Excuse me,
that was meant to be decorative,

295
00:14:27,208 --> 00:14:28,791
like a little meat chandelier.

296
00:14:28,875 --> 00:14:32,333
Oh. Why is science fair attendance
mandatory at this school?

297
00:14:32,416 --> 00:14:34,041
-Listen, Traffic--
-Travis.

298
00:14:34,125 --> 00:14:39,458
Trashfist, shut that burrito vacuum
of yours. She's getting to the good part.

299
00:14:39,541 --> 00:14:40,833
[people yawning]

300
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:46,541
But I bet you're wondering if
the human form is so inferior,

301
00:14:46,625 --> 00:14:49,125
what is the greatest creature on Earth?

302
00:14:49,208 --> 00:14:50,125
[all gasping]

303
00:14:50,208 --> 00:14:52,708
-Behold. The mantis--
-Behold. The mantis--

304
00:14:52,791 --> 00:14:54,250
[mantis shrimp screeching]

305
00:14:54,333 --> 00:14:55,666
[all gasping]

306
00:14:56,250 --> 00:14:58,208
[dramatic music playing]

307
00:14:58,291 --> 00:14:59,541
[screeching]

308
00:14:59,625 --> 00:15:01,291
Why am I not streaming this?

309
00:15:01,375 --> 00:15:04,291
My followers will love this way more
than me eating mulch again.

310
00:15:06,041 --> 00:15:07,125
-[beeping]
-[people scream]

311
00:15:07,708 --> 00:15:09,833
-[screeching continues]
-[music continues]

312
00:15:11,750 --> 00:15:13,708
[people screaming]

313
00:15:18,208 --> 00:15:20,000
Well, I hope you're happy, Godcat.

314
00:15:20,083 --> 00:15:23,250
And I'm saying that the way people do
when they hope someone's not happy.

315
00:15:23,333 --> 00:15:26,666
Don't blame Godcat. If anyone
in this family had taken an interest

316
00:15:26,750 --> 00:15:29,375
in my academic endeavors,
I wouldn't have had to ask him.

317
00:15:29,458 --> 00:15:33,333
Hey, I'm only here
because one of you prayed for my help!

318
00:15:33,416 --> 00:15:36,708
Stop saying that.
Nobody prayed. This isn't Utah.

319
00:15:36,791 --> 00:15:39,000
[groaning] Okay. I didn't want to do this

320
00:15:39,083 --> 00:15:42,250
since it violates
human-deity privacy laws, but whatever.

321
00:15:42,333 --> 00:15:45,416
Let's see. January 25th, 6:10 p.m.

322
00:15:46,083 --> 00:15:47,958
Dear God, my family's a mess.

323
00:15:48,041 --> 00:15:51,125
My husband still gets Spider-Man henna
at the county fair.

324
00:15:51,208 --> 00:15:53,583
My daughter is
like a computer going through puberty,

325
00:15:53,666 --> 00:15:56,625
and my son's goal in life is
to be famous for eating six pounds

326
00:15:56,708 --> 00:15:58,416
of soft-shelled crab on YouTube.

327
00:15:58,500 --> 00:15:59,500
[gasping]

328
00:15:59,583 --> 00:16:01,000
That wasn't a prayer!

329
00:16:01,083 --> 00:16:04,375
Any phrase that begins
with "Dear God" qualifies as a prayer.

330
00:16:04,458 --> 00:16:07,291
[chuckling] Believe me,
it drives the IT guy up the wall.

331
00:16:07,375 --> 00:16:09,291
A pubescent computer?

332
00:16:09,375 --> 00:16:11,375
Sorry I don't wanna follow
in your footsteps

333
00:16:11,458 --> 00:16:13,125
and go to Murder College.

334
00:16:13,208 --> 00:16:16,666
My bulk-eating videos are beloved
by people young and old!

335
00:16:16,750 --> 00:16:18,125
Admittedly, mostly old.

336
00:16:18,208 --> 00:16:21,208
Specifically, one guy who keeps asking me
for pictures of my mouth.

337
00:16:22,500 --> 00:16:24,791
You said you liked those tattoos.

338
00:16:24,875 --> 00:16:27,041
You-- You called me your Peter Parker.

339
00:16:27,125 --> 00:16:28,500
[soft music playing]

340
00:16:30,083 --> 00:16:31,583
[growling]

341
00:16:33,583 --> 00:16:35,583
[purring] Meow?

342
00:16:37,125 --> 00:16:38,083
[dramatic music plays]

343
00:16:38,166 --> 00:16:41,791
I am driving you out
into the woods and leaving you there.

344
00:16:41,875 --> 00:16:43,416
The woods? Oh.

345
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:46,666
That was the other thing
on Earth I just totally phoned in.

346
00:16:46,750 --> 00:16:48,375
It's like nature's storage unit.

347
00:16:48,458 --> 00:16:50,333
I can't believe what you did!

348
00:16:50,416 --> 00:16:53,041
Hey, don't blame me!
You're the one who hates your family.

349
00:16:53,125 --> 00:16:55,208
I don't hate my family.

350
00:16:55,291 --> 00:16:57,666
Marv's the sweetest man I've ever known.

351
00:16:57,750 --> 00:17:00,500
And my kids… they're good kids,

352
00:17:00,583 --> 00:17:03,083
but we're just slowly growing apart.

353
00:17:03,166 --> 00:17:06,000
Fine. Say no more,
mostly because I don't care.

354
00:17:06,083 --> 00:17:08,250
Soon Greta will go off to college,

355
00:17:08,333 --> 00:17:12,541
and Travis will get into vaping
or rollerblading or roller vaping,

356
00:17:12,625 --> 00:17:14,958
and then it'll just be me and Marv

357
00:17:15,041 --> 00:17:18,000
drifting apart, one board game at a time.

358
00:17:18,083 --> 00:17:20,333
-[screaming]
-[car honking]

359
00:17:20,958 --> 00:17:22,083
[clicking]

360
00:17:22,166 --> 00:17:24,375
Your blinker is on, idiot!

361
00:17:24,458 --> 00:17:26,083
[suspenseful music playing]

362
00:17:27,208 --> 00:17:28,375
[grumbling]

363
00:17:28,458 --> 00:17:31,250
Turn off your blinker! [gasps]

364
00:17:32,166 --> 00:17:33,208
[music intensifies]

365
00:17:34,416 --> 00:17:36,458
Whoa, easy there, Colonel Kurtz.

366
00:17:36,541 --> 00:17:39,666
You went from zero
to homicide in, like, five seconds.

367
00:17:41,458 --> 00:17:43,208
-[tires screeching]
-[car horn blaring]

368
00:17:43,291 --> 00:17:44,166
[car crashing]

369
00:17:44,250 --> 00:17:46,791
Ah, I love being a model citizen.

370
00:17:46,875 --> 00:17:49,625
Wait, that's it.

371
00:17:49,708 --> 00:17:53,916
Marv is into these boring games
while Abbie thrives on action.

372
00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:58,625
Greta craves problem-solving,
and Trashfist likes mindless gore.

373
00:17:58,708 --> 00:18:01,000
I just need to connect those things.

374
00:18:01,083 --> 00:18:01,958
[gasps]

375
00:18:02,041 --> 00:18:03,833
I know what I need to do.

376
00:18:04,708 --> 00:18:06,458
-[mystical tone]
-[Godcat groaning]

377
00:18:08,791 --> 00:18:09,958
[crickets chirping]

378
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:13,375
[vase shattering]

379
00:18:14,041 --> 00:18:15,250
You!

380
00:18:15,333 --> 00:18:17,291
Sorry, I needed your attention.

381
00:18:17,375 --> 00:18:19,916
Also, oddly, this is super satisfying.

382
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:22,625
-[vase shattering]
-It's like popping bubble wrap.

383
00:18:22,708 --> 00:18:25,125
Anyway, I had this epiphany

384
00:18:25,208 --> 00:18:29,000
that you need to find something
you can all enjoy together.

385
00:18:29,083 --> 00:18:30,250
Here, watch.

386
00:18:30,333 --> 00:18:35,458
Abra-cat-dabra!

387
00:18:35,541 --> 00:18:37,000
[all grunting]

388
00:18:37,083 --> 00:18:39,291
I figured I'd shrink you down

389
00:18:39,375 --> 00:18:43,041
to play a life-sized version
of Marv's board game.

390
00:18:43,125 --> 00:18:46,333
Yes! I-- I play it close to the vest,

391
00:18:46,416 --> 00:18:50,041
but I'm actually very
into tabletop gaming.

392
00:18:50,125 --> 00:18:52,875
Right. Let's see. Da-- Here we go.

393
00:18:52,958 --> 00:18:57,041
First up, you are attacked
by a horde of Zombie Kittens.

394
00:18:57,125 --> 00:18:58,541
[dramatic music playing]

395
00:18:58,625 --> 00:19:00,125
Oh, one other little thing,

396
00:19:00,208 --> 00:19:02,583
these game pieces can totally kill you.

397
00:19:02,666 --> 00:19:06,375
I mean what better way to bond as a family
than through shared trauma? Right?

398
00:19:06,458 --> 00:19:07,291
Wait, what?

399
00:19:07,375 --> 00:19:08,958
[all screaming, moaning]

400
00:19:11,041 --> 00:19:12,916
You have the right to remain…

401
00:19:13,458 --> 00:19:14,708
dead.

402
00:19:15,208 --> 00:19:16,541
Mom, for real?

403
00:19:16,625 --> 00:19:19,583
Zombie gaming 101, headshots only.

404
00:19:19,666 --> 00:19:20,750
Here, watch.

405
00:19:20,833 --> 00:19:22,500
[zombie kittens grunting]

406
00:19:24,041 --> 00:19:25,000
[Abbie gasps]

407
00:19:25,083 --> 00:19:26,500
Okay, what's next?

408
00:19:26,583 --> 00:19:30,333
"A Mercat will rise
and sing its siren song."

409
00:19:31,166 --> 00:19:32,000
[Mercat squeaking]

410
00:19:32,583 --> 00:19:33,541
[mystical tone]

411
00:19:33,625 --> 00:19:34,666
[squeaks]

412
00:19:36,083 --> 00:19:37,583
[high-pitched scream]

413
00:19:39,458 --> 00:19:43,583
Remember the game rules?
We have to stop it by speaking Cat-o-nese!

414
00:19:44,166 --> 00:19:46,500
You no can has scritchy-witchy!

415
00:19:46,583 --> 00:19:48,791
Hiss-hiss, meo-- Dammit. That's not right.

416
00:19:48,875 --> 00:19:51,291
I'm not supposed to inflect on scritchy.

417
00:19:51,375 --> 00:19:58,041
You no can has meow-meow on our fuzznoms!

418
00:19:58,125 --> 00:19:59,708
Be gone!

419
00:19:59,791 --> 00:20:01,875
Meow!

420
00:20:01,958 --> 00:20:03,416
[mystical tone]

421
00:20:03,500 --> 00:20:07,958
Abbie, you learned Cat-o-nese?
I-- I don't know what to say!

422
00:20:08,041 --> 00:20:12,458
You practiced in the shower for months.
It's stuck in my brain like a blood clot.

423
00:20:12,541 --> 00:20:16,375
Wow! There's some serious bonding
going on here.

424
00:20:16,458 --> 00:20:20,541
Now just one last monster,
the Rainbow Dragon.

425
00:20:20,625 --> 00:20:24,291
Wait, I never finished sculpting
a figurine for the Rainbow Dragon.

426
00:20:24,375 --> 00:20:26,541
No need. We've already got one.

427
00:20:27,041 --> 00:20:28,583
[dramatic music playing]

428
00:20:29,750 --> 00:20:30,791
[roaring]

429
00:20:30,875 --> 00:20:32,208
[all screaming]

430
00:20:33,583 --> 00:20:35,083
[growling]

431
00:20:35,833 --> 00:20:37,291
Father, don't your rules say

432
00:20:37,375 --> 00:20:40,791
we have to defeat it
using the Red Wand of Destiny?

433
00:20:40,875 --> 00:20:45,250
But it's just a wild animal
on a game board! My rules don't apply.

434
00:20:45,333 --> 00:20:47,166
[gasps] I think they do.

435
00:20:47,875 --> 00:20:49,958
-[music continues]
-[all screaming]

436
00:20:50,041 --> 00:20:52,000
[all groaning]

437
00:20:53,875 --> 00:20:55,041
[moaning]

438
00:20:55,625 --> 00:20:57,458
[screeching]

439
00:21:01,625 --> 00:21:02,541
[gasping]

440
00:21:03,666 --> 00:21:05,833
Magical red dot.

441
00:21:05,916 --> 00:21:07,833
-[roaring ferociously]
-[intense music playing]

442
00:21:14,250 --> 00:21:15,083
[all cheering]

443
00:21:15,750 --> 00:21:17,750
[roaring]

444
00:21:19,083 --> 00:21:21,875
Can we get big again?
I gotta use the toilet.

445
00:21:22,833 --> 00:21:23,916
[soft music playing]

446
00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:26,000
[inaudible]

447
00:21:30,583 --> 00:21:32,583
[inaudible]

448
00:21:38,833 --> 00:21:39,750
[chimes]

449
00:21:44,166 --> 00:21:45,208
[music fades]

450
00:21:45,291 --> 00:21:49,416
Okay, I did your stupid rehab assignment.

451
00:21:49,500 --> 00:21:52,083
I cared about these losers.

452
00:21:52,166 --> 00:21:54,666
You know, empathy.

453
00:21:55,166 --> 00:21:56,083
-Poof!
-Poof!

454
00:21:56,166 --> 00:21:59,458
We saw great work
from a PR standpoint, sir.

455
00:21:59,541 --> 00:22:01,125
I found myself actually rooting

456
00:22:01,208 --> 00:22:05,000
for the crybaby gamer kid
not to have his limbs torn from his torso.

457
00:22:05,083 --> 00:22:06,208
Plot twist!

458
00:22:06,291 --> 00:22:08,541
Great. Okay, so time to beam me up.

459
00:22:09,208 --> 00:22:13,250
Actually, the board feels
you still have a lot of making up to do.

460
00:22:13,333 --> 00:22:16,958
War, inequality,
nautically themed bathrooms,

461
00:22:17,041 --> 00:22:19,583
the smell that emanates
from a Subway restaurant,

462
00:22:19,666 --> 00:22:23,000
people who say "in bed"
after you read a fortune cookie.

463
00:22:23,083 --> 00:22:24,750
Oh, you'll have to stay down here

464
00:22:24,833 --> 00:22:28,166
and live with this family
for a little while longer, I'm afraid.

465
00:22:28,250 --> 00:22:30,791
But, hey, the good news is you have us.

466
00:22:30,875 --> 00:22:33,458
Just know Craig and Aslandeus
are up there rooting for you.

467
00:22:33,541 --> 00:22:35,291
Nautical bathrooms? That's not fair.

468
00:22:35,375 --> 00:22:37,458
I created the ocean
and the humans ran with it.

469
00:22:37,541 --> 00:22:38,500
-Poof!
-Poof!

470
00:22:38,583 --> 00:22:39,750
[groans]

471
00:22:40,833 --> 00:22:41,916
[cat meowing]

472
00:22:43,625 --> 00:22:45,458
[ominous music playing]

473
00:22:47,625 --> 00:22:49,500
["Booty Swing" by Parov Stelar playing]

474
00:22:55,625 --> 00:22:57,083
♪ Arab sheiks on the burning sands… ♪

475
00:22:57,166 --> 00:22:58,500
[gasping]

476
00:22:58,583 --> 00:23:00,041
♪ …and clap their hands ♪

477
00:23:00,125 --> 00:23:02,125
♪ Said, "Come on, girls
Are you ready to play?" ♪

478
00:23:02,750 --> 00:23:04,083
You!

479
00:23:06,750 --> 00:23:09,916
Mw-ha-ha-ha. [laughing]

480
00:23:13,666 --> 00:23:16,041
[coughing, choking]

481
00:23:17,958 --> 00:23:18,916
[clears throat]

482
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:21,541
[laughs] Mmm.

483
00:23:21,625 --> 00:23:23,625
["Booty Swing" continues playing]

484
00:23:38,583 --> 00:23:42,458
[scatting]

485
00:23:46,875 --> 00:23:49,041
♪ Gypsy caravans have changed their mode ♪

486
00:23:49,125 --> 00:23:51,083
♪ They truck down the Romany road ♪

487
00:23:51,166 --> 00:23:53,416
♪ With their hi-de-hos
And their hey-hey-diddle ♪

488
00:23:53,500 --> 00:23:55,500
♪ Doin' the swing on the Gypsy fiddle ♪

489
00:24:05,166 --> 00:24:06,541
[vocalizing]

490
00:24:09,625 --> 00:24:11,541
[song ends]